<p>My 17-year-old son, a rising senior with Asperger Syndrome (very high functioning), is widely considered a bright, highly intellectual, engaging student. Teachers and students love having him in class because he adds insight and a quirky twist to the discussion. He attends a small private high school and has done fairly well - 4.1 GPA, 34 ACT. But he hasn't done as well as we -- his parents and teachers -- know he can. This is because his habit is to race through his assignments so he can get them done. Or because he is so confident in his knowledge of a subject that he won't study for a test. An aspiring physicist, he has already squandered his chances to get into some of the more selective colleges he likes by getting Bs in math and science classes. (Farewell, Harvey Mudd :( ) I realize he <em>will</em> get into college, but now I'm concerned about what happens when he gets there. How do I get him to work hard, to strive for excellence? He says he doesn't care about grades - he only cares about learning. How refreshing, but that won't get him into college or grad school. I have been advised by an administrator at our school to have him see a cognitive behavioral therapist. Any thoughts on if or how this might help? Or any other routes to take? I am less concerned with him making good grades senior year than I am in developing diligent work habits that can carry him through college and beyond.</p>
<p>I have the same concerns about our son, who is the same age but not as high functioning as yours. He has inattentive ADD as well, which muddles the “aspergers” situation as well, but he is more of a middle-range student (B’s, no AP classes, but science and math oriented).</p>
<p>I would be very interested to hear if you end up taking the cognitive behavioral therapist route, and if it provides any benefit. I don’t know much about this type of therapy. I don’t really know how it would help work habits in college – but it might.</p>
<p>Because we are concerned about our son’s work habits in school, and how we feel like he may kind of “flounder” his first year in college, we are thinking about Hampshire College in NW Massachusetts, which is the type of college that doesn’t give out grades, but instead gives out detailed written evaluations. If you had told us years ago that we would be seriously thinking about Hampshire College for our son, we would have died laughing. That hippy college? No way. But now, it’s seeming somewhat plausible. It has small classes, and leans a lot towards the arts – but that also means that kids who go there for the sciences may get more personal attention and work on some very in-depth projects for their senior year project. Lots of kids get into medical school from Hampshire, and LOTS of kids go on for graduate school (which is my son’s goal). It’s not for everybody, but it’s something to think about. A kid who has an idea of what he wants to do, but isn’t too into grades, might really flourish here.</p>
<p>Well we had our first meeting with a psychologist and I admittedly didn’t hear the things I wanted to hear. The therapist focused a lot on the trouble DS, as an Aspie, might have with roommates, other students, future colleagues, etc. He seemed to think a large University would be preferable to the small LACs my son has favored, because if he screws up with one social group there are others to turn to, whereas at a small LAC if you tarnish your reputation with a social blunder you may never recover. All this may be true, but DS has had his heart set on the close relationships with professors and small classes of an LAC. I’m not in denial that DS can and should work on his interpersonal skills, but I felt like this guy was all gloom and doom and addressed social skills more so than my original concern, which was academic performance. </p>
<p>Schleppenheimer, I’ve thought about Hampshire for DS too. If it were not across the country and remote to boot, I would think it might be a good choice. Again, what this therapist was saying about big universities completely goes against what I thought was right for my kid, and what he wants. DS shudders at the thought of 300 person lecture halls and ruled out every big school we visited. I think it would be much easier to become a recluse who goes unnoticed for days and days on end at a big school.</p>
<p>I am going to speak with another therapist who has worked with DS in the past and see if she concurs. </p>
<p>DS felt the other guy was a waste of his time and my money (his words) but he has never been open to therapy of any kind. It will be a battle to get him to go back.</p>
<p>Slurpee: that’s one consultant’s opinion. We found plenty of recommendations advocating “LAC/CTCL/TRIO Program” as criteria for ASP-friendly colleges, while discouraging large university settings. Google “School & College Criteria Checklist for Students with Aspergers Syndrome” for an excellent checklist matrix for evaluating schools. That checklist recommends “small campus” and “no-nos” large campuses, and flags many other relevant criteria. We toured the Midwest “Colleges that Change Lives” LACs, using that checklist, and found a warm welcome for high-functioning AS students at many well-regarded LACs. The federally-funded TRIO program, run by Student Services usually, is an enhanced student retention program targeted towards low-income, first-generation, and LD students (including AS students) which provides added mentoring and monitoring in a positive manner. Schools participating in TRIO include Carleton, St Olaf, Beloit, Knox, Ripon, etc.- which we all toured. TRIO list is found within US Dept of Ed’s website. </p>
<p>We kept our college search parameters to max four hours drive from home; I’d be wary about being too far from home in case some degree of parental supervision or intervention is needed. Don’t sugarcoat the possible range of issues that may arise. For us, it was also important that on-campus housing is guaranteed to all students, that single rooms are available to AS students, and that Greek Life was not primary generator of on-campus social activities.</p>
<p>OP, re the CBT therapy - I do not know a lot about this other than my very bright younger brother in his mid-40s was finally diagnosed with autism and has been going through similar therapy for the past year with less than promising results trying to correct emotional/psychological/anxiety/paranoia issues that have been interfering with his home life, ability to work etc off and on for years (he has worked contract jobs as a software engineer all his adult life but has been unemployed for over a year). Frankly, CBT is still pscychotherapy and the individual needs to first be able to admit that something is “wrong” with him in order for it to work, not sure this is what your S needs at all when all you are looking at for him is to improve his already above average academic performance…</p>
<p>Perhaps you can find an educational consultant or learning specialist who is also familiar with autism to help your S improve study skills and “teach” him not to race through his work? Has he ever been evaluated for executive function issues? </p>
<p>Or maybe just have him job shadow and talk to professionals in fields he is interested in, who can address the educational background required to succeed–it may make more of an impact hearing this from someone else besides parents and teachers! And as higgins mentioned, look at schools with programs for students with autism or that have TRIO programs.</p>
<p>Personally, I think that “therapy” has little affect for AS students. SSRs may help w/anxiety and/or OCD symptoms. “Scripting” may help with social skill issues, by providing a somewhat reliable “template” for behavior and expectations. Likely your son would most benefit by accepting his personality “quirks”, building upon his strengths, acknowledging (and accepting) his relative weaknesses, and trying the structure a college environment that is both relatively supportive (empathetic folks, close student-faculty relations, compact campus, safe area, single room, minimal “uninteresting topic” academic requirements, etc) and not extremely competitive and academic super-challenging (aim for student to be in 75th percentile of entering class profile, for instance). There are two posters, Cardinal Fang and Missypie, who’ve posted cautionary tales of their own sons’ unfortunate experiences at their initial college choices. Worth reading. Don’t overaim; focus on doable success. Best wishes.</p>
<p>With regard to the single-room preference, do the benefits of the “alone time” (as my son calls his crucial downtime) outweigh the negative possibility of delayed integration into social circles?</p>
<p>I can see my son hiding in his room on his computer and making excuses to himself not to venture out. So would a hopefully sympatico roommate (I realize it’s a gamble) not be a benefit?</p>
<p>Snowdog, out of the same concerns, I personally think the ideal situation is a suite of rooms that open to a common area, a divided double, or similar, where they have their own space and shared space. </p>
<p>I met with a therapist today who knows our family well and has had DS in social skills group in the past. She thinks the first therapist I saw was far more negative than DS’s condition warrants, and she agrees that a small school is the way to go – one with good support. But one new discovery is that DS doesn’t take notes - says he doesn’t need to because he remembers everything (yeah, right) and finds it difficult anyhow. I know this is an exec function issue and wonder if and how to get the note-taking accommodation, or train him somehow to take notes. I’m still not sure how to proceed with all of this. </p>
<p>Higgins, thank you for all of your input here and in so many other threads. I did some research into TRiO programs. 2012 participants can be found here: www2.ed.gov/programs/triostudsupp/sssgrantees2012.xls I wonder if DS would qualify - it seems more geared towards low income/1st generation than to ASD. Would love to hear from a student or parent of student in the program. The fact that Carleton is on the list… strange coincidence since GC just this week persuaded DS to put it on his list. Or maybe not a coincidence at all.</p>
<p>Great discussion. Slurpee64, my son also is confident he’ll remember everything. It took years to get him to write down his homework as it was assigned (in his school-provided agenda!) because he didn’t need to do that, he’ll just remember it each night (needless to say that resulted in many missed assignments).</p>
<p>The executive functioning issues come to the fore in subjects that do not come naturally (he is wired for math). Honors European history this past year was one of the most painful experiences of both our lives. The subject bored him literally to tears, he procrastinated on that basis as well as due to his perfectionist/somewhat OCD side…worried that as soon as he commits pen to paper, he’s ruining his possible high grade with poor work. There was more than one all nighter this year for this class, it was so difficult to watch and to try to help him. On the other hand he breezed through AP Statistics and honors chemistry this year.</p>
<p>All to say - I agree with every word higgins2013 wrote in post #6. My son is resistant to interventions; I doubt he would participate in a CBT group. I can’t see him at a LAC as much as Hampshire looks like a great place (and is not far from us), for two reasons - he needs a lot of structure, it is both a comfort and keeps him on track; and he will be desperately unhappy if he has to spend a lot of time on a liberal arts core curriculum in the humanities. </p>
<p>I also agree not to try to send him to the most challenging college where he can be admitted. My son did very well on his first PSAT and got mail from Caltech and U Chicago…exciting for all of us, but the reality is, he will do far better academically and be much happier where he is near the top of the academic skill set. I don’t have any great words of advice on the work habits…I ask my son nightly what work he has and the progress he has made on the larger assignments. He will probably be a procrastinator all his life.</p>
<p>Slurpee64 was kind enough to reply to a question of mine pertaining to a peripheral issue. I saw your situation here and decided to offer my perspective. Slurpee64 is aware of my own history, but for the sake of those here I will quote myself in order to clarify who I am a bit:</p>
<p>"Throughout the early years at university, my advisors and professors were having a very hard time understanding why my grasp of concepts and knowledge of the material was so high, but my grades did not at all reflect it; they were quite sporadic. For example: I would often obtain highly competitive recommendations from professors who’s classes I received C and D marks in. I was eventually referred to the testing center toward the middle of my junior year where I unfortunately was diagnosed with high functioning autism. </p>
<p>Since then, I have undergone a number of treatments and learned methods of coping with the problems I had been having but was too stubborn and proud to acknowledge. I am happy to say that I have made great progress: I have been accepted as an honors researcher under a highly respected professor in my field, been elected as sole representation of my college to the student government, been appointed to academic review committees (where I help decide on students scholarship and research grant awards), received grants, and entered a number of honors societies and professional associations. I even speak pretty high levels of Japanese, Hawaiian, and French."</p>
<p>To be frank, in those darker GPA periods, I was aware on an intellectual level that I was intelligent, however on every other level, I felt that I was worthless and stupid. I believed then I deserved every awful grade and awful thing that happened to me at that time due to my own stupidity. Let it never be said that genius IQ and common freaking sense are synonymous. </p>
<p>A lot went on to get me where I am today, but in short: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>The most important: I set a goal. In my instance, it is Oxford. I realized that was where I wanted to be but that my scores did not reflect my known ability. I needed honors, and for that I needed a certain GPA, for that I needed to reflect on and truly understand why my grades were what they were and overcome the problem rather than be comforted by my test scores and recommendations. As I’ve said since Kindergarten “I love learning, I hate busy work.” To summarize: I had to slap in the face and realize that what I look like on paper is eventually going to be my entire image to those holding my future. It wouldn’t matter what I knew or how much I loved learning if I couldn’t prove it with a number. </p></li>
<li><p>I was diagnosed. This took a great deal of introspection and even more self-dissection through discussion about myself, out loud, with numerous doctors I had never met before.</p></li>
<li><p>I learned about autism and what it meant for me. Doctors and behaviorists helped me to understand my limitations and work the university to overcome them rather than succumb. Admittedly, I had one semester where I refused to let my disability advisor talk to my professors about a set of assignments because I was too proud. My lowered GPA snapped my head back out from my behind.</p></li>
<li><p>I got support. One psychologist (I visited many trying to refute the diagnosis) suggested I attend ASD support groups for young adults in my community which helped me to gauge my progress and have a place where I was understood. **Support groups are also available online and even have a number of chat rooms. As a caution: it is also important to realize a lot of these people are not diagnosed and many more often only come to sit and complain. I dislike generalizations, but it is integral to understand who you are and grow from it so you can work in the world; not so you expect the world to work around you. </p></li>
<li><p>I entered honors. The people I had been around before were academically focused, but without the vigor that I felt myself. These people, some of them on the spectrum, are brilliant and spur on my competitive streak.</p></li>
<li><p>I took the medication that I needed. In learning about myself, I came to the realization that major depression was a serious problem effecting my progress. This is a big jump from being an individual who refuses aspirin. </p></li>
<li><p>I started living alone. Being responsible for myself and only myself was eye opening. </p></li>
<li><p>I fought for myself in school. I did not allow any low grade to go by just because of a mistake, or an issue with understanding the assignment. Oftentimes, these very abstract paper questions had me reeling but I fought, and still fight, to understand and be understood. I spoke with professors after class about EVERY single point and either had it corrected, or learned what aspect of my work was causing confusion. An “A” was not enough anymore. I needed to understand everything that knocked down a score. In one class, we had the option to rewrite a paper one week after receiving our grades, I received a 19/20, a high A considering graduates received 13s and 15s, but rewrote it anyway even if my professor thought I was crazy. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>What is the common point? Goals, self-resepect, and a struggle for understanding. I do not know if “cognitive therapy” is what your son needs. I can only tell you what worked for me.</p>
<p>I hope this offered some kind of insight. If you have any more specific questions as to the types of psychologists, treatments, etc. please message me. I am at my best answering questions rather than trying to explain outright. </p>
<p>Thank you.</p>
<p>Thank you for replying in this thread, thekoyaanisqatsi. Your experience will be helpful to many of us. Congratulations on getting yourself the help you needed to reach your highest potential. I hope you see that autism is a gift of sorts. You are obviously a very bright, motivated young man. You sound like an outstanding candidate for Oxford and I hope they will look beyond GPA and recognize that you have overcome some serious obstacles.</p>
<p>Slurpee: I asked at every TRIO-participating Midwest LAC we toured whether our AS student would qualify. Answer was always YES. Student does need to submit an application and documentation after college acceptance. I think every LAC we toured had a weeklong (or longer) summer TRIO orientation on campus in advance of freshmen general arrival. I think Olaf had a 3 or 4 week TRIO orientation, with a course for credit, an on-campus summer job, and all the social bonding that implies. I thought the Olaf folks were wonderful.</p>
<p>We toured Carleton too, which I loved but was a reach for our student. Check scores for this year’s acceptances; I think there was a jump. Carleton’s TRIO office is located in its own house. (Northfield, home of both Olaf and Carleton, is a wonderful small town, simultaneously semi-rural and upscale-quaint outer-suburban context; in contrast, Grinnell’s farm town wasn’t nearly as attractive.)</p>
<p>Snowdog: most professional opinions seem to side with “single-room”, as a stress-reducing refuge for AS students. Look for a dorm with good mix of singles and doubles, with a large freshman presence. AS students can petition for preferential housing assignments, usually to Dean of Students, which if approved, is then redirected to Housing Office. Be sure that Housing RAs are made aware of AS diagnoses, which would likely occur if Dean of Students is contacted. Student Services typically only deals with academic accommodations, not food or housing issues.</p>
<p>After one year of college for my dd, I would say that for her (AS, and now, as it turns out, also ADD), a single room allowed her to decompress, whereas when she had a roommate, my dd was always “on”, and that level of stress eventually got to her. </p>
<p>What is important, I think, is that the student has a set schedule (they can make the schedule themselves, but they must have one somehow) so they are not in their room ALL the time and they know when they are in their room, they can do what they need to in order to decompress.</p>