University of Michigan Essay #2?!

<p>Hello!
I just finished my essay and seeing how it's winter break, I don't have anyone to show it to for review and revising.
Could somebody please review my essay and possibly some opinions??
Thanks, I would greatly appreciate it!! </p>

<p>The topic:
Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?</p>

<p>To be completely honest, I have never set foot on to the school’s campus or outside of California for that matter. I hate being cold and have never experienced weather below 54 degrees. Despite the disadvantages I am convinced that the University of Michigan, more specifically the College of Literature, Science and the Arts is the perfect fit for me.
My goal, when I get to college, is to learn. I believe that furthering my education at one of the top 20 universities in the world would make that goal become reality. With the school’s establishment of a strong liberal arts curriculum, I hope to create new knowledge and share that knowledge with others, with the help of superior mentors and other peers.
One of the unique qualities that attract me to this college more than anything else is their study abroad and internship programs. Ever since I crossed into the border of the Unites States, I was able to experience firsthand a deep understanding of my culture. The aspect of being educated in both the American and Korean educational system went beyond the language factor for me. Growing up, I watched the two cultures interact; learning about the mindset, attitude, and manner that provided me with a special gift to connect to both cultures. This experience has helped instill in me an interest in furthering my education at the College of Literature, Science and the Arts and to explore other countries. For years, I have always found myself to be in a comfort zone. I want to take this time to challenge myself, taking risks. I truly do admire the efforts that are gone into blending leadership and student’s studies together and look forward to experiencing the off campus learning myself during the course of 4 years here at the university.
As an out of state student, I look forward to paving my way to a brighter future, and have full confidence in my ability to function in an unfamiliar environment and state at one of the most desirable urban schools. Having the option to major in more than 40 programs that are ranked in the top ten nationally, I find myself overwhelmed and wish to discover and to explore what could pose as new interests.
These days I have a tingling sense of anticipation. I can’t wait to meet new people, face new challenges, further grow my academic curiosities in college, and most importantly, share my learning with fellow students.</p>

<p>My daughter has been accepted to Michigan on EA. Her essay was short but to the point. Your essay needs a little more refinement, in particular, what are you going to get from Michigan that UCs won’t give you… Anyway, if you want to chat, email me at yaujar69 at gmail…</p>

<p>This whole thing is unnecessary "
To be completely honest, I have never set foot on to the school’s campus or outside of California for that matter. I hate being cold and have never experienced weather below 54 degrees. Despite the disadvantages I am convinced that the University of Michigan, more specifically the College of Literature, Science and the Arts is the perfect fit for me.
My goal, when I get to college, is to learn. I believe that furthering my education at one of the top 20 universities in the world would make that goal become reality. With the school’s establishment of a strong liberal arts curriculum, I hope to create new knowledge and share that knowledge with others, with the help of superior mentors and other peers.
One of the unique qualities that attract me to this college more than anything else is their study abroad and internship programs"
cut it, I would say.</p>

<p>Start from that next sentence. Maybe include a little about your experience in Korea, how it differs from the US. Specific examples to tie admission officers to your application. </p>

<p>Overall, good essay. But you need more details, more actual things that have happened to you that have shaped who you are. Right now it’s very simple and generic. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>Please be specific.
You can contact me if you want to see my essay(though not michigan’s essay, but is also a why essay)</p>