<p>Okay... I hopped on my soap box in homeskulmom's unschooling thread and realized it wasn't quite fair, so I'm starting this one. I've been on CC for a long time year and this is the first thread I've ever started.</p>
<p>A few days ago I encountered a fourteen year old girl I've know slightly for years and discovered she's been unschooling and only just taught herself to read. That's not entirely unheard of, but her close freind has let me know that she's very worried about her because her self esteem is through the floor, because she feel she's missing out. </p>
<p>There are ways I might be able to help her, but the reason for this thread is that there are others like her out there. Most homeschooling and unschooling families are extremely responsible and involved in learning. But most of us know of a child or two who needs some extra encouragement from outside the home. If you see a friend going through this, don't just sit back and shake your head about it. Reach out and try to include her or him as you explore your own possibilities.</p>
<p>Or, if your own self esteem is dwindling because you think you're just way too far behind, don't lose hope. You must take matters into your own hands. It's never too late, but the sooner you take action, the sooner it can get better. I know another girl who taught herself to read much much later than most kids. She took things into her own hands and recently graduated from college.</p>
<p>College isn't something only school kids and genius homeschoolers get to do. If you think you might want to go to college but don't know where to start, you already have begun by reading this - or by having somebody read it to you. It all starts with the idea and the hope. Just don't stop until you get there. </p>
<p>My daughter homeschooled with strong overtones of unschooling. Right now, she's finishing her freshman year at a competitive college, so, I know homeschooling and unschooling can work beautifully. However, if you feel it's not quite working for you, take to heart the most essential lesson inherient in unschooling - Make something happen! Get going and get help if you need it.</p>
<p>I am quite skeptical of unschooling. I use the A Beka DVD correspondence school which is quite structured and advanced. I need structure lest I begin to become indolent. I have met some unschoolers before, and IMO are FAR behind there PS and regular homeschool counterparts. Many of them claim that they will learn through discovery and desire to learn at home. I find, however that this can lead to disaster.</p>
<p>For starters, I talked to an unschooler once who claimed that an unschooler learns when he wants to do so, and learns what interests him( correct me if I am wrong) I question this though, especially for elementary students. At that stage of development, a desire to watch Spongebob and play video games may be the desire at that time( perhaps why Nans example of the girl who couldn't read) Many unschoolers with whom I have met are so far behind socially and academically that it is just sickening. Perhaps I have a distorted vies of unschooling; however, the ones that I have met have not been good advocates of this "method". Quite honestly, unschooling sounds a lot like progressive education.</p>
<p>Justinian I, the fact that you are allowed to choose your study materials qualifies you, by some definitions, as an unschooler. In most definitions of unschooling, choice is an essential compontent. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, some parents take this to mean that they don't need to be proactive in any way in their childrens' learning, and it's those kids I'm concerned about. The parents inadvertently end up taking away options rather than expanding them.</p>
<p>Many unschoolers believe in a completely organic approach to learning. Some believe brain processes involved in things like reading can be damaging if forced too early. I'm all for being sensitive to a child's own built in learning clock, and I can imagine a situation where learning to read could happen quite late and still be exactly the right thing for a child. I know unschooling families where healthy intellectual growth begins long before the child learns to read, and is fostered before and after, with reading beginning at a reasonable time for each child.</p>
<p>However, I also think there are many children who aren't going to teach themselves to read without the active involvement of an adult. Or they won't get around to it until after a lot of damage to self esteem has been done. </p>
<p>Children learn by doing and by example. If a child is not read to, and doesn't see parents reading to themselves, why would that child be interested in learning to read? A child might have little motivation to decode written language without some some enticement with appropriate material. Meanwhile, things like Spongebob and video games can take over if the parents don't offer better alternatives.</p>
<p>Taking an unschooling aproach does not rule out setting goals and sticking with them. However, I think a lot of unschooling parents don't see or don't agree with that, and it's hard to get into college without it.</p>
<p>I'm of two minds on this one. Unschooling would not have worked for us. (By this I mean full-bore unschooling -- no schedule or established courses, etc. My daughter certainly was involved in decided what to study, how and when to study it, with what materials, writing what essays, etc.) Then again, I remember back when I was in public school -- I realize I taught myself a lot on my own just because I was interested.</p>
<p>Yes, there are some unschooled kids lagging in certain skills given the usual timetable. But do they end up OK in the end? I hear about kids who don't learn to read until quite late and then "bang" they have it. I know there was an unschooled boy in my umbrella group and I really had to grit my teeth listening to his mother talk about what he did; it sounded mostly like goofing off to me. He never opened a math book during high school and decided to go to the local community college, because he wouldn't have to take the SAT or ACT that way. Yet -- he started his own business, picked up assorted computer and bookkeeping skills, reached the point where he needed or wanted the coursework he had previously skipped and so took those things in CC and did fine. His personality had resisted any sort of structure (why he wasn't in school to begin with). So I guess his mother did the best thing for him after all?</p>
<p>Then, too, there are plenty of kids in regular school who don't know how to read, do math, or have whatever skill you are looking at -- even with regular instruction.</p>
<p>DianeR, there sure are kids in school who are worse off than this girl. I stopped short of suggesting she would have been better off in school, although I do think she would have been better off there.</p>
<p>I do, however, think the mother you described probably did do the best thing for her son, but there are a few differences between his situation and the girl's I'm concerned about. First, this girl is feeling bad about herself and is not happy. I doubt the boy would have tackled the things he did if he were depressed. Second, the boy you described had the option of going to community college because he could read fluently. No matter how unschooled he was, somebody helped him achieve that, either by giving him clues where to look for the information or by directly working with him. Somebody presented him with the information and made him think it was worthwhile to pursue it. This girl didn't get that, and now has to struggle if she's to have the option of going to college, or getting a decent job, or simply feeling like she's as good as the people around her. </p>
<p>It's even a little more complicated than that. What I'm seeing in this situation is a parental ideology that is essentially hands off in regards to learning. In effect, it is anti-learning to the point where she is afraid to ask her parents any more for outside help. She knows it is threatening to them, and doesn't want to do that. </p>
<p>I think to claim you are allowing your child to direct her own learning, and then to deny her the help she asks for is neglect. It is making this girl unhappy, and will limit her future options if she doesn't figure out how to break out of it. </p>
<p>Other than to encourage people in her postion not to give up, my purpose in bringing it up here is to give a heads up to the rest of us. I would have reached out to her a long time ago if I had realized what was going on. She's just close enough in my circle of acquaintances for me to have known her parents slightly for a long time and to know they are very defensive about their methods or lack of them. She's far enough outside my circle of friends that I didn't know she was in trouble. </p>
<p>Maybe instead just shaking our heads and being sickened when we come across this sort of thing, being a little creatively proactive could help. I hope so, anyway.</p>
<p>Perhaps there are other things going on that you don't know about. Since the teen years can be tumultuous and difficult (even in homeschooling families), there may be family issues that you are not privy to. Teens often feel unhappy and bad about themselves, regardless of the educational situation that they are in. Maybe the girl was not ready to read until recently. Her options are not limited due to late reading. At 14, perhaps she's stressing because other homeschoolers are thinking about preparing for college and she is not ready for that. I can only guess, but the beauty of homeschooling is that she can take all the time she needs to prepare and not be racing against the school clock. If she wants to go to college at 20 or 22, it won't make any difference.</p>
<p>Of course, reaching out and offering assistance is always a kind thing to do.. On the other hand, we should probably be careful of judging other families' choices without knowing all of the details. There are always people outside of the homeschooling community judging us for our choices.</p>
<p>Does it take a judgment call to identify a child as stranded? Sure it does. But making a judgment call doesn't necessarily mean you're being judgmental. The word neglect is pretty loaded, but I used it on purpose. Just because we are sick of being judged, are we supposed to pretend we don't know the difference between a free-form unschooled child, and child who is seriously stranded? Doesn't that give more fuel to those who would like to stop homeschooling?</p>
<p>There's plenty of sniping within homeschool communities about other peoples' methods. That was part of the problem here. People have been shaking their heads about this particular situation for years, but it only made the parents more defensive and isolated this girl further. </p>
<p>This is the toughest question in the whole homeschool debate: what happens to the ones who get lost? Of course we can simply note that a higher percentage get lost in the school system, and then look away. I'm simply suggesting that rather than shaking our heads and shunning the parents, including the stranded child more often could make a world of difference. It's not always possible, but I'll bet it's possible more often than we think it is.</p>
<p>The schools are the best insurance and protection some students have for their educations. When responsible homeschoolers walk away from that, I think we are helping to open a door for others, some who are not as responsible, to follow. We do a good job and that serves as justification for keeping that door open. However, I think it behooves us to pay attention to who is walking through that door with us, in an inclusive and community minded way, if we want to keep it open. I think we'll lose ground if we just pretend it doesn't happen and isn't our business.</p>
<p>nan, you raise some excellent, thought provoking questions. Certainly not every family does a great job raising their kids. So the big question is what responsibility does the rest of the community shoulder? And how to implement the assistance?</p>
<p>homeskulmom, I'm not saying as homeschoolers, we have a right or responsiblity to tell other families how to raise their kids, but yes, I think those are the questions. </p>
<p>I'm wondering if there isn't a lot more we could do to help those few children in our own communities, who are stranded without educational support. Typically, what seems to happen is we turn a blind eye, or worse, a judgmentally blind eye on families where homeschoolers are isolated or in trouble. </p>
<p>Who is to say when a child could use a lifeline? That's a tough question, but it doesn't hurt to assume a child would like to be included, and then see what happens from there. If it's done in an accepting and encouraging way, it shouldn't be experienced as a threat, a usurping of rights, or an invasion of privacy.</p>
<p>I think I'm suggesting something besides generosity, like simple responsiblity. I'm suggesting that maybe we're actually somehow responsible, or at least that it can go a long way if we decide to accept a little responsiblity. </p>
<p>I'm not advocating taking on somebody else's kid as some sort of project. That would be condescending and could lead to disaster. Rather, I'm suggesting that instead of reacting to parents, who don't seem to be taking responsiblity, by tuning the whole family out, it would be better to communicate directly with the children in an inclusive way when possible. Sometimes all a child needs is a little information about her options, and some encouragement to pursue them.</p>
<p>Generally, I think even the most hands off unschooling parents believe their children will discover what they need in the environment and figure out how to make use of it. As members of our homeschooling communities, we are part of that environment for other homeschoolers. We get to decide. I'm just saying it's good to be aware of that, and to be</p>
<p>I think I'm suggesting something besides generosity, like simple responsiblity. I'm suggesting that maybe we're actually somehow responsible, or at least that it can go a long way if we decide to accept some responsiblity. </p>
<p>I'm not advocating taking on somebody else's kid as some sort of project. That would be condescending and lead to disaster. Rather, I'm suggesting, instead of simply tuning whole families out because the parents' methods don't seem right, it would be better to communicate directly with the children in an inclusive way when possible. Sometimes all a child needs is a little information about her options, and some encouragement to pursue them.</p>
<p>Generally, I think even the most hands-off unschooling parents believe their children will discover what they need in the environment and figure out how to make use of it. As members of our homeschooling communities, we are part of that environment for other homeschoolers. We can decide to be oblivious to that environment and even to be polluters in it, or we can practice good stewardship and take care of it.</p>
<p>Of course, generosity makes it easier and much more fun, but couldn't you also package it in terms of self preservation, or self interest, or what have you, and leave generosity out of it? Those other kids are going to bring something useful and good to the table too, perhaps precisely because they were parented differently.</p>