USC Transfer Essay Advice

Can someone tell me if this sounds solid?

For my Common App essay I am just recalling the story of a health diagnosis of mine and how it affected me… which is why I ended up at the college I am currently going to.

In the additional info part I mention a pre req im missing but will be doing over the summer. And then I talk about my internship offered to me by my professor and how she felt about me since I didn’t provide a letter of rec because I didn’t want to ask for a letter on such short notice since my decision to transfer was rather spontaneous

USC supplements: first one I’m talking about when I was the president and cofounder of a political club at my high achool, and how I was challenged on a particular issue in a debate, and it forced me to go home that night and research the topic in depth… and just overall the importance of diversity of thought and how we learn from opposing views.

And the why usc is just going to be why I’m obsessed with marshall, clubs I’m interested in, etc etc. all out why usc essay lol.

Should I implement some “Why USC” in my common app essay?

I’m very confused and getting last minute doubts!

Sorry for my poor writing here… it’s very late while I’m writing this and I’m on my phone haha. My grammar is probably horrendous right now

read several posts that mentioned an “additional info” section in the app? where is this exactly??

I read this:

“USC supplements: first one I’m talking about when I was the president and cofounder of a political club at my high achool, and how I was challenged on a particular issue in a debate, and it forced me to go home that night and research the topic in depth… and just overall the importance of diversity of thought and how we learn from opposing views.”

This is VERY generic and basic. This does more harm then good if you ask me, it shows that you weren’t an analytical thinker who did research before a debate, and a great business person would research a topic before further pushing it. I really think that you should change this.

I like the beginning though, the:

“For my Common App essay I am just recalling the story of a health diagnosis of mine and how it affected me… which is why I ended up at the college I am currently going to.”

That’s a great transition from your high school to college. What did you do in your time in community college? How has that shaped who you are today? How has an extra two years benefited you and turn you around? (Such as getting your stuff together and having a 4.0 GPA, etc). I’m not too fond of the rest of your essay, however, if that’s what’s true to you then write about it. They will catch that you’re trying to impress them right away if you write about a topic in which you have not as much interest in. So instead of saying that you went home and researched the topic, a more effective essay would be to show how this debate sparked an interest within you that intrigued you a point, in which you further researched the topic to have a continuous debate the next day, providing insight to your peers. Connect that to college, and how debating in high school has allowed you to speak up more in class for example and research more on a topic and understand it to give back to class discussions, etc.

To be quite honest, I’m not a transfer student nor am I in college. I am a junior in high school. This is my two cents, you may take my advice or simply believe it. The most experience I have is from constant researching of colleges, reading books of accepted essays and analyzing their themes, as well as contacting universities such as USC to gain further insight into the application process.

Fight on!