UW Bothell transfer personal statement

This is my personal statement to transfer to the UW Bothell business school from UW Tacoma. The first part (supposed to be in italics) is a piece that I wrote while I was battling through depression after high school. Do you guys think I should take that part out? It’s a bit over the word count but I feel that it creatively explains the “academic hardships” part. Any suggestions and critiques are helpful!

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She feels frail and weak, living in a state of hazy melancholy. Seeing the world through a condensed mist that muffles all thoughts and feelings. Sure, there isn’t enough sunlight to form rainbows, but overall there is an under-appreciated beauty to the bleakness. Maybe she is afraid of being liberated from the smog’s clutches or afraid of the bright stark sunlight, unyielding and unforgiving, brandishing its harsh rays unto all that dare pass through its relentless warmth. Maybe its warm embrace would nourish her or maybe it would strike her down as she withers into a frail shadow.

But even as a shadow she remains resolute. They have battered her down and she has crumbled. But the wind gathers the dust again, the rain cleanses the ashes. Would her heart restart and forgiveness flow or would it be forever stilled? Her chest convulses as it compresses… then nothing. The sharp silence aches as it stabs a resounding blow, she was floating, wandering amongst her existence. She was pained by her past and wanted to extinguish that suffering. She dreaded the future and what it might entail, what could possibly unfold for her tattered fragments, what little remained. Her body limply pressed into the soil, a last act of conquest.

A stream moistened her cheek, leaving salt as the water evaporated. She ran her tongue against her lips and tasted the fruit of her grief. She steadies herself and peers into the puddle that formed. Her reflection gazes back at her longingly. Desiring her affection. Her forgiveness. She scans the face inspecting its features, scrutinizing its worthiness. What she encounters is a culmination of strength, a being deserving of admiration. A warrior who did her best to survive, despite unfavorable circumstances. She found herself, and with that, respect. She lifted her wings and soared. Ascending above all her oppressors. For as long as she could respect herself, no blow would be strong enough to immobilize her. No individual, no utterances could be forceful enough to succumb her into submission.

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My obsession with pursuing a business degree started at the end of my freshman year at UW Tacoma. In my attempts to regain motivation and ambition, I sat for hours watching interviews of successful leaders and respected experts. While observing the various paths I could take, my mind resonated with business and economics related ventures. Barbara Corcoran and Lori Greiner, self-made venture capitalists on Shark Tank, are two women that inspired me to dive into the idea of being a business major. Self-made business leaders are a heterogeneous mix of confidence, risk tolerance, self-discipline, determination, and competitiveness. Like the game of chess, the activeness of this career path and the mental capacity it requires matched my idea of a stimulating job. Because of its versatility, a business degree provides a wide range of entry jobs once I graduate such as a business analyst, consultant, or investment banker. In this current job market, versatility could be one of the greatest skills to possess. Soon I had big dreams of becoming a self-made entrepreneur.

Not only do I find a business career stimulating, I love that it challenges my core qualities. Growing up in a traditional Indian family, I was taught to be silent and disciplined. I started identifying myself as an introvert with a mind louder than my words. Being an introvert is not easy in a society that praises charismatic and bold people, especially in the business world. While attending a youth venture summit in Seattle, I was put in a group of outgoing and outspoken individuals with whom I had to compete against in pitching and prototyping a product idea. My mentors, who were representatives of the Ashoka Youth Venture organization, were very critical on my ability to speak out, be bold, and put myself out in the crowd. I found myself struggling against my competitors merely because they were more extroverted. Company executives are mostly dominated by extroverts; introverts who work hard and creatively innovate are taken for granted. Over time, I realized that I bring better results when I work with my core qualities, not fight them. Learning to harness my calmness with strong leadership skills gave me a challenge I’m willing to prove and promote in the business community at UW Bothell – that introverts can be business leaders as well. Soon all I could do was think about how to shape my career path to get a job and then become an entrepreneur.

Before I begin my goal of becoming a full-time entrepreneur, I’m interested in getting a job in the finance or business intelligence sector. Since studying business, I have gained respect for how business influences our lives, such as engaging my mind into the aspects of financially handling a situation by either using strategic or mathematical methods to overcome various problems. Once I get experience understanding markets and business strategy at a job, as well as have enough capital, I plan to attend graduate school and gain the skills needed to become a full-time entrepreneur with innovative ideas in the tech industry. Living in a region that has one of the top tech markets in the nation has given me the opportunity to explore technology related courses. Business and technology are interlinked because adaptability, creative thinking, and the application of technology are now intrinsic to managing businesses. A business degree from UW Bothell’s School of Business and a minor in computer software systems will help me gain the basic knowledge and ground work needed for starting my career path from a potential financial analyst to an MBA degree to becoming a company executive. The diversity and special focus on leadership in the business community at UW Bothell will not only open my mind to different perspectives when coming up with solutions, but the access and partnerships with local businesses such as Microsoft and Boeing will help me learn more about the Pacific Northwest community, where I will begin to explore my career and be boundless for the world.

You probably want to take this down. Only Pm to someone you trust.