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Wearing socks in one’s own home is aggressive? I agree that an interview warrants a bit more formality and that he should have worn shoes, but socked feet do not exactly represent some sort of creepy advance (in my opinion).</p>
<p>Many people do not wear shoes around the house, and I think this was probably just a sign of laziness - he didn’t care enough to put on shoes.</p>
<p>Inviting his daughter in was definitely inappropriate.</p>
<p>“My H thinks I’m a little overboard on taking offense with the socks. I feel that it’s almost an aggressive thing for a man to wear socks in his home when interviewing a young girl.”</p>
<p>There are plenty of people who don’t wear shoes in their homes for hygienic reasons. There’s nothing aggressive about what he did. Now, if he had tried to interview her while wearing only his underwear, that would have been inappropriate and something for your D (not you) to let admissions know about.</p>
<p>Right. When I think “inappropriate interview wear,” I’m thinking Hugh Hefner-style silk pajamas! Sorry, compass, I can’t get behind you on the sock thing!</p>
<p>I would have your D talk to her own GC IMMEDIATELY. If anyone is going to contact admissions, it should be your D’s GC, not your D herself–at least if your GC is willing to do it. A complaint made through a GC just comes across differently, I think. It’s far less “whiny.” And when you get into the whole public school vs. private school thing, I think that a complaint from the public school GC is ESPECIALLY likely to get a more favorable reception.</p>
<p>Do NOT wait until decisions are made. Any complaints made after a rejection are less convincing.</p>
<p>Our town is small, wealthy with many uber-competitive people/parents. We’ve kept DD’s accomplishments private, even from her own school. (the administration knows, but she’s not advertising her class rank, national accomplishments, etc.). If she is not accepted ED then she’ll be applying RD. Would any student want his/her resume floated around town before acutal competitive applications are sent in? So-and-so knows so-and-so who is a trustee at the Ivy. So-and-so’s own son did not get in last year. DD did not date so-and-so’s son 2 years ago, when he asked her out. It gets complicated in small communities, especially when people are so keenly competitive. </p>
<p>I’ll concede on the socks point. Our house is just more formal, and I do believe it is a cultural orientation. </p>
<p>And yes, we are on pins and needles. DD really wants to attend this school. There’s a feeling that there’s a lot at stake and she’d be crushed if the interview negatively effected her chances.</p>
<p>I like the idea of contacting the guidance counsellor. Thanks.</p>
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<p>Would it not be nice to see a definitive list that presents a correlation between the few schools that request or suggest an interview and the schools that DO pay any attention to showing interest. </p>
<p>Although fully speculative on my part, I believe that you could count on one hand (or a few) the schools that not only TRACK expressions of interests but also request interviews. </p>
<p>In addition, schools that DO request (or recommend) interviews also claim that they would NOT hold it against anyone not to have had the interviews. This is not very different from a school expecting a certain number of APs but not holding it against a student who attends a school where APs are no longer recommended or never were. </p>
<p>I maintain that, despite sketchy anecdotal accounts to the contrary, there is nothing but downside for students. After all, the interviewer can do little (I’d say absolutely nothing) to HELP an application. He or she cannot change the test scores and GPA, cannot rewrite the essays, cannot embellish the EC’s impact, and most importantly cannot make a decision nor pretend to be part of the admission committee. </p>
<p>The only thing that can come out of an interview is a corroboration of the positives or an negative voice based on a purely subjective and perhaps biased personal opinion. Futher, the fact that personal information contained in an application might be shared with an individual that is NOT employed by the school should raise more than a few eyebrows. This is a practice that should be curtailed and challenged. After all, there are no guarantees or liability protection offered by the school in case of violations of privacy. </p>
<p>This said I do believe that alumni SHOULD play a role in supporting admissions, but that such role should be strictly reserved to group support and informational sessions, especially where there is an audience that is capable of evaluating the performance and comtribution of the alumni. In other words, to a role of recruiter, supporter, or cheerleader, I’d say … YES. To anything that comes close to being placed in a position to review or even be aware of what should be a confidential application, I’d say NO.</p>
<p>Xiggi, I wish we had known of your recommendations before the interview. Do you have a recommendation for the present situation: i.e. keep mum, complaint presented by parents, complaint presented by DD or should this be handled by DD’s overworked (but wonderful) GC?</p>
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<p>No, but that’s because it’s no one else’s business. The gossipy gossipers in the town aren’t making the decisions; the adcoms are. The gossipy gossipers in the town are irrelevant to anything. I have never gotten why I’m supposed to care one whit about the opinions or actions of other parents in my kids’ schools or in neighboring schools, or why I would let their actions change what my kids or I are doing, one iota. They have zero influence over anything. Unless I choose to let them have influence, which I don’t.</p>
<p>I only think it “gets complicated” in small communities, if you let it. This reminds me of the infamous should-mothers-work wars that mothers of young children often face. Well, if anyone in my community ever felt strongly that mothers shouldn’t work outside of the home and judged me or other working mothers negatively, it sure as heck didn’t affect me, since I just went and did it because that’s what suited us, and of course, other families do what suits them. Things like “mommy wars” only become wars if you care about the other person’s opinion. If you don’t – poof, there’s no war! I see the same thing here. Your admission decision is between you / your child, your GC, and the adcom at the universities she intends on applying to. Everyone else and their machinations and doings are simply irrelevant.</p>
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Either you are being a tad paranoid or the system is deeply sick. Or both.</p>
<p>It may be a bit of both.</p>
<p>Personal interviews don’t really have much influence in most Ivy admissions.</p>
<p>I agree that the interviewer’s behavior was inappropriate, but to my mind the victim was his daughter.</p>
<p>My kids had many interviews at people’s homes. OK, maybe not ideal, but I guess I’m a trusting sort. Nothing untoward happened and they met some fascinating people.</p>
<p>This situation was presented in Gilmore Girls with Rory’s Harvard? interview. The daughter of the family was subjected to the same kind of treatment as this girl.</p>
<p>I see no harm in the socks, BTW.</p>
<p>OP: If you are uncomfortable with a situation you can request a public meeting or to attend.</p>
<p>S couldn’t drive yet (barely 17) when he had his Dartmouth interview. It was held in the interviewer’s home. I waited in the driveway in my car until the interviewer asked me in because he was uncomfortable that I was sitting alone in the dark.</p>
<p>OP: Please forgive me if this sounds condescending. I don’t mean it to. But I suggest you guys lighten up just a little bit. </p>
<p>Examples – S had an amazing interview with the Dartmouth guy. The man, a older surgeon, really loved him. They talked for two hours, and he asked S to keep in touch. S went in thinking he wanted to go to Dartmouth.</p>
<p>Result: S rejected from Dartmouth but accepted at Williams and Brown, which in the end he decided he preferred. The Dart interviewer confessed that he, too, had preferred Williams but had been rejected there so he had gone to Dartmouth.</p>
<p>My best friend’s D was accepted at 10 schools, including MIT, Stanford, full ride to Duke and Rice, Brown, Princeton. She was rejected at Harvard and VERY upset, but chose Yale of her acceptances and had a “what was I thinking moment.”</p>
<p>My point? There are so many wonderful schools to attend. It’s great to have a preference, but somehow it all works out.</p>
<p>BTW: I don’t think I’ve ever seen my H wear shoes indoors. It’s not cultural. He just has a fetish for comfort.</p>
<p>I agree. Look, if your D is a brilliant rocket scientist with a 4.0 GPA / 2400 SAT’s, who cured cancer over the summer and started a foundation that fed hundreds of hungry children while winning the state championship in soccer and her teachers all think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread … those will be the qualifications that the adcoms review and they’ll go from there. Whether those qualifications are published in the local newspaper and can be recited by any jealous parent within a 10 mile radius, or whether those qualifications are so hush-hush that they’re only known on a need-to-know basis, is irrelevant.</p>
<p>Look, if your D is a brilliant rocket scientist with a 4.0 GPA / 2400 SAT’s, who cured cancer over the summer and started a foundation that fed hundreds of hungry children while winning the state championship in soccer and her teachers all think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread … </p>
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<p>No, no, I didn’t mean to imply the above. DD’s just a great kid, who has a great resume (as do 8000 applicants applying for some very limited spots). We’ve seen in our school (and in our community) a great deal of envy directed, through the years, at some top applicants. It has not been pretty, and occasionally, even damaging to the applicant.</p>
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<p>Keeping mum is probably your best route. However if this event will linger on your mind until April, I would follow the advice given by Jonri, namely let the GC contact the appropriate persons at the college. </p>
<p>I would, however, try to avoid filing a complaint but rather have her (or him) try to convey how the parents are … concerned.</p>
<p>I agree with Xiggi, and I’m sure we all hope your D has wonderful and joyful results.</p>
<p>People where I live routinely remove their shoes at the door, especially in winter or mud season. I don’t think anything of the socks. I don’t necessarily put shoes on when someone comes to my house either.</p>
<p>I also don’t think anything of interviewing at one’s home. (My S had a couple of Ivy interviews conducted at the homes of the interviewers, and one conducted at our house. The other schools’ interviewers usually picked a library or coffee place. )</p>
<p>I do think, though, that having his D actually remain during the whole interview, rather than just say hello and exchange a few pleasant remarks before departing, was poor form. And actually showing your D’s resume to his D, and then making comparisons, was worse. </p>
<p>This smacks of inexperience <em>as a parent</em> or lack of common sense rather than malice, though. The person who really was being treated badly was his D.</p>
<p>To be on the safe side, if you guys are feeling really paranoid about this, your D <em>could</em> describe the scenario to her GC, and say she felt uncomfortable with the other girl being present, the resume showing, and the comparisons. That way the GC is informed should there be any strange questions or responses from the school.</p>
<p>If you still feel strange about it after decisions come out, your D could inform the admissions dept. </p>
<p>If things in your town are as incestuous as you say, the last thing you want is for this guy to be informed that someone complained about his D being inthe interview, etc. He’ll probably be able to figure our who it was…</p>
<p>Ok, so I looked at each of the 8 Ivy league schools admissions websites, and not one says the interview is required, and all basically referred to the same alumni interview availability that I am familiar with from Cornell. In this case, OP, all odds point to the interview being of little probative value in the admissions decision with nothing to be gained from complaining about one of the college’s more high profile alums. BTW, I am not sure from your posts whether you realize that many great kids are rejected from ED, and that is that, NO RD consideration at all. Just info, no comment on you or your DD. Best of luck and try to relax, however difficult.</p>
<p>My older son had both his interviews in people’s homes. It’s not my favorite setting, but I understand why interviewers do it. (In one case the guy had an excuse, he’d broken his leg recently.) I’m not bothered by the socks either. But having the daughter present and showing her the resume is completely unprofessional. I think the poster should report that to the college admissions office, and should do it now, not later - for the sake of future interviewees, and so that she can be rescheduled with someone else if there is time.</p>
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<p>How does this envy manifest itself in a way that is meaningful? Again, how would your D “know” if someone is envious of her (if her resume were to leak out), and wouldn’t that reflect more poorly on the kind of person who bothers to be envious of others than it would on her D? I’m failing to see how someone else’s envy could make a difference to her. I expect my kids to sail above the crowd when it comes to other people’s opinions. Their opinions and mine are the only ones that matter in their lives.</p>