Hi there,
My high school experience was awful. I’m saying what literally happened, no more or less.
I went to a private school (in Canada) and received financial aid. I first thought that they were giving an opportunity to students who couldn’t afford. But soon I realized that I was bought so they can use me to promote their own students. They knew I would take their IB program and apply to universities in the US, and that is exactly why they decided to “buy” me.
If you don’t know how the IB program works, there’s something called the IA (Internal Assessment) that your predicted mark (the mark that goes to universities so basically the mark that plays a HUGE role in deciding your admission) is based heavily on. School marks IAs, and sends 5 of their choice to the IB external markers. The external markers pick 1 randomly out of 5, and if they think that particular assignment is graded too low, the whole class’ mark has to be highered, and vice versa. I took a course ahead (you do the IA and take the exam in grade 12 but I did in grade 11 for one course) and mine was marked low and sent to the IB as a sample. It was marked low because my final mark was higher. So if you’re not getting it, in a nutshell they are “sacrificing” an unimportant student like me. They give a mark much lower than my assignment’s quality (and therefore hurting me significantly in admission chances) so the whole class’ mark can get higher, which results in the students they promote to have basically a perfect mark. (idk about other schools, but it’s really terrible at my school that they obviously promote the students who attended the school since they were little)
With other courses, they sometimes even lowered my mark. I know they lowered it because the administration shares the equation for calculating the final mark with the students, and what I got on my final report was lower than what I calculated based on that. Other students’ marks almost always get boosted up. I’ve even seen some of other students’ reports, and it’s almost ridiculous how they have much lower marks on tests and assignments but get boosted up so much. I’m not subjectively exaggerating anything; I literally saw their test scores and final marks. Apparently the teachers are allowed to do that if they want to. So people getting bad marks get boosted at the end and get a mark higher than me, when I got much higher results almost all the time. How am I even supposed to defend myself against this?
I’m writing about this for prompt #2 on Common app (the hardship one) because this truly was a big hardship to me. It was so stressful to go through all this for 3 years. (I moved for last year because I really couldn’t endure it anymore)
But here’s a problem. Do YOU believe me? Do you think I’m lying or exaggerating anything? Because I’m not. I actually took out some things so my post won’t be too long (it already kind of is). My worst concert ATM is that admission officers won’t believe me because this isn’t something common.
Sorry for long post, but if you can give me any encouraging advice I would really appreciate it.
Thanks.
I would not use this as your essay topic. Does it paint you in a positive light? Does it give them a reason to want you on their campus? (As bjkmom always says!)
If they don’t believe you, you’ll look like a whiner. Is that how you want to come across?
If they do believe you, you come across as focused on your grades, not love of learning. Being nosy about other kids’ grades as part of your evidence is not a good look. Thinking of education as a zero-sum game (if they win, I lose) is not a good look.
Even if they do believe you…the point of the essay is to tell about you beyond grades and scores. Don’t focus on grades and scores, especially to rail against your perception of what happened. The goal of Prompt #2 is to say how one overcame an obstacle, succeeded despite it, learned resilience. None of what you have described fits this.
My advice? An essay about you outside the classroom, and how that influences you the scholar. Prompts #6 and #7 are new, and 7 is totally open-ended!
Dwelling on what looks like a litany of complaints and excuses makes you look horrible. (not saying you’re right or wrong…frankly, I have no idea if you are… and I’m guessing the first readers for colleges will not either.)
Reading about this…is depressing and offputting and tells absolutely nothing about your ambitions, and nothing positive.
If I were reading this, looking for the key points of essay two…which are: how you overcame an obstacle, succeeded despite it, learned resilience…I’d have a seriously hard time seeing ANY of that in your description.
In fact, you write: “I’m writing about this for prompt #2 on Common app (the hardship one) because this truly was a big hardship to me. It was so stressful to go through all this for 3 years. (I moved for last year because I really couldn’t endure it anymore)”
I don’t think you understand the point of the prompt. The prompt was NOT “identify a hardship in your life and complain about it”…The prompt was NOT “tell us about a time when you were so stressed that you could no longer endure it.”
From a layman’s perspective…what your description says about you…is that when you don’t succeed, you blame others, throw in the towel, and run to a different school…which is exactly the opposite of what this essay is intended to highlight.
That is NOT what you want on your college apps.
It’s pretty clear you’re bitter about this. I’m no expert…your anger might be justified. But college app readers are NOT the people you want trying to sort that out.
College app readers should experience your BEST self. Your application is your sale’s pitch. More offense, less defense. Keep your positives in the spotlight.
For starters, it’s been posted for all the world to see for close to 24 hours.
At this point, you can probably assume that it’s no longer yours, that someone else has taken it for themselves.
Go back and read all the warnings about posting your essay.
Then again, maybe not. Because this essay is NOT the essay that’s going to get you into college. It does NOT give the reader any desire to have you on his campus. It does NOT “give them a reason to say yes.”
Your essay is supposed to sell your application. This one does not.
@equality4all
At a minimum, I’ve got average reading and analysis skills for an adult.
I quickly read your OP. I have no idea what you are saying, and I don’t care. I will certainly not read it again to try and understand the point you are trying to make.
That might give you an idea of whether the topic is a strong one.