<p>I'm not sure how to explain it, Angst. My older daughter has stated time and again that she was never in competition with others. She did not compare grades with others, nor discuss rank or care about rank. She just had high standards and goals for herself. True, she achieved being ranked first but that was not the goal. </p>
<p>For the other one, you asked about being in competition for roles in shows....When she auditions for a show or for college, she strives to do her personal best. She is a confident kid with high self esteem and believes in herself. She understands that casting and even admission into a BFA program is not simply a talent "contest" if you will. The role does not always go to the most talented. Yes, you MUST have talent to be considered but when that is fairly equal, it can come down to type and stuff you cannot control. For the BFA programs, I think she believes in her own talent, as do I, but she knows it is unpredictable and she know herself and has a shot at it and self assesses her candidacy based on who she knows who has gotten in in the past and what they and she has accomplished and so forth. But she also knows that it is bey ond her control and it very well may not turn out as she hoped. Maybe someone who she may perceive as less talented gets cast but overall, it usually comes down to that several people are talented and they can only take one for a part or for a slot in a college program and you have to deal with it. You can't give up and say, NOT FAIR, I'm more talented than SHE is. Or....Oh NO, I stink, I'm never gonna make it. You just have to go on and keep reaching for your goals. This is all part of being in such a field. While you may be "competing" for roles or slots in a program, you have to recognize that many have talents and sometimes it goes your way, and sometimes not. There is no room for bitterness. There is room for disappointment but even with that, you gotta move on real quick and not belabor it. The few times when it has not gone my daughter's way in casting or some other big thing, she has not gotten worked up over it or cried and her disappointment was brief. Part of being self confident lets you do this. She did tell me that if she is rejected at her first choice school, she would like to be "allowed" to be disappointed for a day but is sure she will move on but wants a chance to feel disappointed should that happen. That is understandable. We also talk about if she does not get into a particular highly competitive program, not to take it as a commentary on her talent. She knows the odds and that many talented kids are turned away (like at Ivies!, same idea with first child's college process who did not take it personally to be rejected at Yale, nor took it to be unfair AT ALL). We talk about believing in yourself and knowing that you are talented and that something is going to work out and to just move onto the next audition. </p>
<p>Frankly, after years of auditioning where she was ALWAYS cast, in some ways, I was grateful the first time she was not cast in something as that is the reality of this field and you gotta experience that if you are gonna keep at it. The top actresses in this country met with many rejections along the way but believed in themselves and kept going. In fact, I recall that first rejection...it was for Sound of Music and 200 kids auditioned for the kid roles. She was a finalist. She was 13 and up for Louisa. The 16 year olds up for Liesl were about the same height as her (short for their ages). In fact, at the final callback, they kept putting HER into the Liesel spot which she never dreamt of being considered for as she was only 13 but if she were Louisa, she did not look smaller than the other potential Liesls and the height line up in Sound of Music is legnedary. A producer of this show happened to come in as a patient of my husband's some time later and confided in him that out of the 200 kids who auditioned for the role, the casting folks felt our D was the most talented but they could not use her which frustrated them, when put with the other kids they had. So, this was a very good lesson for my D to see. I am happy to say that her disappointment lasted all of ten minutes and was not hardcore at all. She has auditioned at the Broadway level and this also has allowed her to see that there are many equally talented kids in the country and that is exactly the case now with auditioning for elite BFA programs. You can't question your own talent. You have to reach for your personal goals. It is not a competition with others. You are competing with YOURSELF. My older D feels this way and I have heard her express this actually. </p>
<p>Susan</p>