- How to use an ATM, how to write a check, how to balance checkbook/keep track of balance
- How to address letters
My daughter writes one check per month, for her rent. She a college junior. No dear, you can’t use a pencil when writing a check.
My kids have been doing their laundry since they were 11. Other things they learn along the way. They can book airline tickets, order from Amazon Prime, make medical appointments (but emergency care is still a work in progress - go to urgent care first!).
They do not yet know how to do taxes since they aren’t here at tax time. That’s probably next on the learning list.
By some strange coincidence I’d never actually heard the word “adulting” until tonight at dinner when D mentioned that all her friends are completely ignorant of a lot of adulting things that I’d taught her. So funny to see it a few hours later as a thread on CC.
Anyway, I taught her basic car maintenance especially since she has a car at school. Checking tire pressure and wear, oil level, coolant, and how to top them all off, etc. Also she knows how to cook several simple dishes and how to use one of those plastic gizmos to pull hair out of a clogged sink (I smiled in satisfaction when I noticed she’d ordered one of those gizmos from Amazon a couple months ago).
I’m not sure what else I’ve taught her that might fall under the “adulting” category since I just considered those basic life skills everybody should have. Usually whenever I had something around the house to do, I’d either make her do it under supervision or watch me do it. She’s home for Spring break and her tub needs re-caulking, so she’ll get to do the honors and learn another adulting skill 
Oh yes, she also knows how to ride a horse!
- How to use an ATM, how to write a check, how to balance checkbook/keep track of balance
Why would anyone need to balance a checkbook. Ever. You can easily and accurately keep track of balance online. And my daughter has written ZERO checks in 4 years at school. Chase will send a check from your account to anyone. Amount is immediately deducted. If it’s not cashed in 90 days the money goes back in your account.
- How to address letters: 7 years of overnight camp made my kids well aware of this.
Another vote for snail mail lessons. How to address an envelope and how to decide how much postage to put in it. Send 'em to college with a few envelopes and some stamps, too. And a box of thank you cards (my kid has used those for profs who wrote recommendations, for example – and the grandparents still like them, too).
As for laundry my kids never did it while living at home and thanks to a grandma with strong views about mixing laundry and academics didn’t do it even at school ( laundry service paid for) until they went abroad. DD: " everybody was like OMG you’ve never done laundry, how are you going to figure it out in Australia. But I mean it’s not hard, what would anyone need years of practice?"
One of our funniest was we got a frantic call from our Freshman daughter one winter Sunday morning. She was waiting on a train platform downtown heading to an athletic competition. The train just wasn’t coming and she was freezing. It was an endless frantic rant. I told her to leave the station and hail a cab. “How do I do that?” “You just stand in the street with your arm out and make eye contact” “There is nobody around” “Ok, let me find you a hotel to walk to”. Got on Google, found a hotel and by the time I called her back she was already happily in a taxi she flagged down. Turned out the commuter line she was waiting for didn’t run on Sunday.
A lot of adult skills are self-taught. Your red clothes turn everything pink in the laundry, so you learn not to mix colors (or to use those color catchers.) Your debit card is refused for insufficient funds, so you learn to check your balances more frequently and to spend less in subsequent months. Your train doesn’t show because it doesn’t run on holidays, so you learn to check the schedule and set up an Uber account. Your parents won’t let you study in France for a year unless you have a therapist set up over there, and all the meds you’ll need for the entire year (true story), so you sort it all out with your insurance company, your psychiatrist, and Skype, and then get to spend 12 months in Europe, studying and working.
This is pretty general but often overlooked in HS - how to advocate effectively for yourself in all situations. Profs, doctors, car repair, you name it. How to think about the point you want to make and the outcome you desire, before you open your mouth. My son was particularly weak in this area with respect to doctors… I’m extremely strong in that area and did it for him too long. It’s still a work in progress for him to fully advocate in the medical area. Also how to find that fine line between selling yourself (like when applying for campus jobs and leadership positions) and being a braggart.
What I wish I had taught my kid.
What do to when you are in an accident when you aren’t sure what exactly happened and the other person comes charging out of their car yelling at you that it is all your fault and won’t give you insurance information or wait for the police to show up.
oh don’t forget about medical stuff…re-ordering prescriptions and makign appointments.
“This is pretty general but often overlooked in HS - how to advocate effectively for yourself in all situations.”
Best. Advice. Ever.
I’ve also told my children not to argue with someone who can’t tell them “yes”. Better yet, don’t argue, just explain calmly, politely, and stop talking. Leave room for the other person negotiate.
On the advocating, I have taught mine to never make the other person feel defensive, instead try to get them on your side, essentially, “can you (employee) help me to fix what the big mean computer messed up”
Often the person you are talking to is not at fault, better to get them on your side than on the defensive
@Fishnlines29 - we just had to a couple of weeks ago. We sold our home and will be renting an apartment temporarily. Had to write a check for a deposit.
I found out my children learned to ride a horse at the week-long 5th grade science/natural environment camp the school district holds.
I feel like we spent a fair amount of time in their early teen-hood making sure they practiced all sorts of basic life skills like cooking, laundry, cleaning, hygiene, banking/budgeting etc. Self-advocacy is something we start pushing a lot harder toward the end of high school (both my kids were required to lead their own IEP meetings senior year, for example, which has been very useful for my now-college-student in navigating Disability Services at college).
The stuff I find us talking about a lot more now is less skills-based and more philosophy-based. The drama of freshman year – particularly, I’m sorry, the GIRL drama (hoping my son skips some of this) – has brought a lot of discussions about what’s important when picking friends/activities and what are deal breakers and what aren’t. In high school you never ran the risk of having to live on the same hall as that person who kissed both you AND your good friend and stuff like that. When are you being a good friend by being the designated driver and when are your friends just being stupid and you need to say “I’m out” instead of sticking around? When you blow off work until the last minute and have too much to do, how do you prioritize what gets done? (My favorite life lesson: Memory consolidation occurs during sleep. Never stay up all night to study; you will do better if you manage at least a few hours of shuteye!)
I think the most important lesson I see my oldest learning right now is when/how to bring up her challenges in either social or professional settings (this is a huge shift for her, as in high school she would’ve sooner died than admit to having a learning disability or anxiety). She landed a plum work study job (for which she really is perfect), in part, by being able to explain her skill set AND be confident enough to also say, “I am really terrible at interviews because I get very anxious, but here are the reasons I’m right for this even though I’m kind of awkward sitting here telling you why.” So I guess I’m saying aside from general practical skills, I see a lot of the Adulting skill set boiling down to just knowing who you are and how to appropriately share that with others, if that makes sense.