I have a professor I do not get along with at all. I view her as rude, condescending, and somewhat hostile. she views me as standoffish, unwilling to work with her, and having attendance issues. Between ADHD, autism, serious family drama, and working full time in an understaffed retail store and going to school full time, I’ve been constantly stressed out, and as a result didn’t take her behavior as well as other students in the class. In particular, I’d often skip class on days where I didn’t feel I could handle her, and I tended to refuse to let her help me with things. I’ve never really felt I could communicate any of this to her.
This all came to a head with me not turning in the project due on Tuesday. After five days getting hammered at work and more family drama and another bought of autistic depression, I just didn’t have the stamina or inclination for that all nighter. Thought I’d just accept her giving me an F in the class and move on from there. I didn’t tell the professor anything, I just didn’t turn it in.
Then she emailed me today that she wants the project submitted online by tomorrow or I get no credit for it. I’ve had a day off of work, given my boss my long overdue resignation (I don’t need a full time income, work conditions suck, and I have the money built up to live while I look for a part time job. I should have told my boss no to a lot of things months ago, so now I told him no to everything after the next two weeks.), and come up from my depression a bit, and I think I can slam it through and get it in tonight. She’ll probably deduct points (and I can’t say she shouldn’t, given that she’s already being far more lenient than the syllabus says she is), but I may well be able to pull off a C in the course.
The one this is, she’ll want some sort of response to her email explaining why she didn’t have that project Tuesday, and I don’t really know what to say, considering I’ve been specifically avoiding talking to her and certainly haven’t communicated my problems. I need to figure out what to say to her tomorrow, and I’m really not sure. I don’t want to suggest that I didn’t mess up or don’t deserve a reduction in my grade or that I haven’t been stubborn and in-communicative, because all of those things are true, but I do want to mention that I’ve had a pretty overwhelming semester full of me trying to do way too many things.
I would just hand in the project and say (I assume this is through email) that you had a tough time getting everything done this week especially due to your retail job. I think you are overly personalizing this - your prof just wants to get all the grades in. Assume you will get some lateness penalty.
“Thank you for your flexibility. I’ve been facing some real challenges this semester due to my work schedule and family issues. I appreciate your allowing me to finish the project even though I missed the deadline.”
Attach the project, doing as well as you can in the time you have.
And going forward think twice before dismissing someone who clearly is trying to be helpful to you as “rude, condescending and somewhat hostile.”
I hope your being treated for your depression because, and I mean no disrespect, your whole attitude is effectively self-destructive. Why not stop the clock, take a semester off, get therapy, and get your mental health in order before you risk another semester of doing poorly for one of the myriad of reasons you mentioned. A good therapist can help you develop strategies to manage the chaos in your life and get a positive attitude so that you can return to school with the emotional tools that you need to be successful.
Did you turn it in? My kids have autism, and often describe teachers that way. When I get emails from the teachers though, they are concerned and really do want to help and get through to my kids. My one kid also just doesn’t turn things in. Just overwhelms him and he freezes. You have to learn to ask for help. As an adult, it’s so important to learn this!
Assume she wants to do the best she can for you. Assume all the profs do. Let them help. They get paid to, and most of them get great satisfaction from a student actually getting through their course and performing well.
Do yourself a favor and don’t take these things personally, and give yourself the help you need. Esp now that you will have some time. Go see a therapist on campus. It may help.
@stradmom I find that being helpful doesn’t really preclude being rude or hostile. She may mean well and want us students to succeed, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t coming off as condescending or overly critical, and stuff like acting like Simon Cowell during project presentations isn’t helpful even if she honestly wants to be helpful.
@HRSMom I did get something in. I apologized for missing the deadline and mentioned a brutal semester, but didn’t elaborate.
That’s been my experience witn most professors. She’s a special case, and I don’t doubt she cares, I just think she does need to look at how she talks to people. I’m not the only one with a lot of complaints about her attitude.
@ClassicRockerDad Therapy? Maybe meds. Historically, I’ve been medicated for ADHD. I’m not right now, but I’ve been thinking about going back to it. Last time I stopped it was because a doctor back home wanted to do antidepressants instead of entertaining a switch from Concerta to Adderall, and that ended up all bad. Maybe a local doctor will better understand my issues.
A semester off wouldn’t really work on financial grounds. I can quit my job (already gave notice) and live off savings as I find a new one at a lot less hours, but I still need student loans to supplement rent in that case. Hopefully, ditching the job and entertaining medication will be enough.