<p>If John Kennedy never felt accepted at Harvard, could that have become a significant motivational factor for him throughout his life? </p>
<p>Is it possible that not fitting in, like a burr beneath the saddle, incentivizes one and creates additional personal drive?</p>
<p>Something worth considering?</p>
<p>I suspect that our late president, being of Irish descent and Catholic, in attending a college that was then overwhelmingly full of English descent and Protestant students AND faculty, enrolled knowing rather well that he probably woudn’t be accepted, despite his father being an alumnus. He went anyway because of the perceived advantage such an educational exposure would bestow.</p>
<p>Had JFK wanted more acceptance he would have matriculated at Boston College. At least there, he would have a shared heritage with fellow students, his family’s new wealth notwithstanding.</p>
<p>You are right. I guess there is no such thing as “all things equal”. There are only priorities - things you do and should care about. So when you compare two schools, academic rigor appropriate to your capability, facilities, teachers, peer students, supporting system and disiplinary polices do count. Meal plans, dorm rooms, and little pieces like these? Not so much. The reality is that when it comes to March 10, there are only so many (or so few) options you have to consider. I have heard stories of people turning down an offer from an obviously more prestigious school for a lower tiered school, but not many especially when money is not a concern or comparable FA is offered by both. It may not be because of “all things equal”, but to many who got admitted to the usually more selective prestigious schools, it’s really hard to find a convincing reason not to attend the prestigious one based on the evaluation of the things that matter (as we all agree, most of these prestigious schools are great schools in the first place.) In the end, prestige of a school is a tipping point, more than anything else.</p>
<p>
You are right. If you have two acceptances, comparable FA if that’s a consideration, and feel equally “right” at both (while the reasons for that are not “equal”), how do you turn down the “prestige?” </p>
<p>We all hope that we face that problem. </p>
<p>Hopefully, all our children have applied to schools they would be happy at and the re-visit day can make the decision.</p>
<p>One more comment…it’s interesting to see how different things are important to different people. We put a high value on dorm rooms - not size, but FEEL. Are they homey, not “institutional” like. I feel, as a mom, I was/ am not sending my 14 year old to a room with cement walls. We also feel that at least several family-style meals a week is important. It makes it more like home, more of a family-environment, more chances to get to know a variety of staff and students.<br>
I know kids like “walk-through” meals better (mine included).</p>
<p>Benlay, since my son never thought of Andover, we never compared the two head-to-head. But as to Exeter if you will, Milton has multi-level of jazz band, Exeter has only one level; Milton has a cool “underwater vehicle” robotic program which has won several awards in competitions, didn’t found out much about Exeter robotic club, which I heard was intense from someone here. Above all, Milton is medium in size, in between Exeter and Groton.</p>
<p>Last summer before pulling out the list, we made a table of schools vs things that important for us, Milton came out as the only perfect much. It is only for us, I mean, because he wants to be a day student mostly.</p>
<p>Other things some local people don’t like about Exeter/Andover is their PG, which doesn’t bother us.</p>
<p>Thanks, Faymom. Milton is one of the top schools so I am not surprised. “personality” wise, is it more laid back or more intense?</p>
<p>I hope so. ：）</p>
<p>Milton, because of its 50% day population, is more day student-friendly. Its schedule is a bit different from a typical boarding school’s, for example, the Thanksgiving break is shorter, less than a week, while other schools’ are over a week.</p>
<p>The atmosphere at Mercersberg seemed gloomy and distant when I visited. Maybe it just wasn’t a good day.</p>
<p>I also visited Peddie. It was nice, but I didn’t feel a “fit” there. I also felt as if there was no real campus… mostly just buildings clustered around a large rectangle, with athletics and arts somewhere else on campus. I liked the fact that there were sit-down meals; I wish every school had those.</p>
<p>Edit: Oops, sorry, I didn’t realize this was in the parents section. I’m a kid. :)</p>
<p>Not to worry dapple…it’s nice to have all points of view.</p>
<p>Here’s another perspective that we did not fully appreciate–14/15/16 year old kids are not fully baked. High school is always challenging b/c of their age, and BS academics and social/EC opportunities add to that. If I could do it over again, I’d probably listen to the parents that said “are you crazy, why send them to hs 4 years early?” but, if BS is in your future, ask a lot of questions about how well the school stays on top of the students. Most talk a good game about advisors, dorm parents, and teachers, but dig deep–talk to parents, gauge the rules, assess the day student component and the volume of weekend activities and make sure that they are really skilled at being in loco parentis. We learned this too late.</p>
<p>at grinzing</p>
<p>so are you saying you would not send your kid(s) if you could do it again</p>
<p>my d’s situation is very different, i worry for her safety here,(major city), my kid will be better off at bs</p>
<p>Alexz, maybe more safe at BS, maybe not. Many BS have issues with kids having too much freedom–drinking, drugs. . . We are not there yet because S is a 9th grader but I see the signs. And then there’s the dumb choices teens make–which if he was at home I would hope to be on top of. BS does not and cannot replace parenting, (no matter what they say about access to advisors, teachers, etc.) so unless your D/S is basically ready to be w/o parenting, it is challenging and scary. If I had to do it again, I would think much harder before sending in 9th grade (especially a boy).</p>
<p>I agree with you, grinzing. Boarding school is definately not everyboday’s cup of tea. Boys mature later than girls, and are more adventurous when it comes to alchohol, sex and drugs. As parents, we should carefully evaluate our boys’ maturity level and if you feel you as parents are quickly “out of control” especially for the first couple of years, that may be a bad sign. BUT, each child is different - you know him better than anyone else. If you feel strongly it’s time to pull him back, you probably should. As for what grade to get in BS, joing BS at 10th or 11th grade has its own challenges - it can often be a more stressful start… I want to say that parenting boys is generally harder than parenting girls, but I don’t want to make the parents of girls at BS feel too good about themselves. :)</p>
<p>Parenting girls has been much tougher for us than parenting our son! Grinzing says: “Here’s another perspective that we did not fully appreciate–14/15/16 year old kids are not fully baked.” I’m not sure how that could have been a revelation. </p>
<p>Grinzing also says: “BS does not and cannot replace parenting, (no matter what they say about access to advisors, teachers, etc.) so unless your D/S is basically ready to be w/o parenting, it is challenging and scary.” In my opinion, our son benefited enormously from the parenting of the adults at the School. All the fighting and butting of heads that is often part of the father-son landscape did not occur. There are many examples where this form of community parenting (if you choose the community wisely) produces better outcomes for the child. It can be as much an advantage for the BS child and parent as a risk.</p>
<p>Grinzing - just wanted to be sure the other half of the argument was noted. I agree with you that in all cases careful due diligence with the School and an honest assessment of the child’s readiness have to be the starting points.</p>
<p>Everyone’s experience is not the same. Some parents’ expectations are different than the school/advisors/teachers’, so as a result the parents can come off as pushy to the school while the school can appear “inactive” and “don’t care” enough to parents. Personally, I try not to push the school (they wouldn’t like it) but I do push my child no matter where he is. If I feel that regardless what I say he is out there not making enough effort, and let things go by without attention/action, I’d consider pulling him back. I think grinzin feels that they are in such a situation now.</p>
<p>grinzing said “Most talk a good game about advisors, dorm parents, and teachers, but dig deep–talk to parents, gauge the rules, assess the day student component and the volume of weekend activities and make sure that they are really skilled at being in loco parentis.”<br>
I have to agree with this. We struggled before revisit days to choose which of the schools we would send our son to. In the end we chose the one HE was most comfortable with. He said the kids were happier and very involved. He was right. I see now that we have friends at many schools that his school has lots going on during off hours, compared to many and I think this helps keep the kids happy and out of trouble. I also think having more boarding students helps with this as well. He found the teachers very engaged and I think they do truly care about his success.<br>
All that being said, I do not think it is possible to protect your child from everything at school, even at home. My son has told me stories from many schools about drugs and alcohol but I would hazard a guess that it is all less than what they face at home. And kids are getting kicked out…maybe not at all schools but at a few that I know, including my son’s, there are expulsions for drinking and drugs. I see this as a positive. The school is on top of it, aware of it, not hiding their heads in the sand.
Personally I would chose grade 10 for a boy, they are still so immature in grade 9, and the extra year makes a big difference… but just my personal opinion.</p>
<p>I think this is a question which fits well into this thread –
Will there be a significant difference across these hades/gades schools as far as parent involvement is concerned, or even allowed? Lets assume the school is within a reasonable driving distance from your home, and you want to check up on the kid, academically or otherwise.
I can think of one campus on our application list where I’d almost feel out of place arriving out of the blue, as if I was interfering. This has to do with the physical layout of the place, and with procedure which implies that more of the kids’ activities will be supervised and accounted for.
Yet, parents from another school have described how much they’ve been welcome on campus, and how all the teachers know them by name and greet them.
But these are, of course, initial and superficial impressions.</p>
<p>Great question and i would talk, if you have the opportunity, to ask it at a re-visit day to a parent panel.<br>
I think it is important for parents to feel comfortable at a school as well.</p>
<p>Personally, I think none of the HADES is particularly “parent friendly”. At least it gives that impression in the application process, maybe partly because of the huge number of applications they receive - there is a resource constraint in delivering the “customized service” to each family. At re-visits, I know some families complained schools like Deerfield and Exeter were “cool”. Other HADES may make you feel somewhat more welcomed but don’t expect too much personal attention either. This is just the way it is. Take a school as a whole package like you take a person.</p>