<p>I've just realized that my older sister and I are this thread. Sort of. She is the val who doesn't make a grade below an A. And I am the slackard dilettante (far more slackard and far more dilettante and in my case who was <em>asked</em> not to return to campus). Maybe that explains my recognition of the I "could have done this had I tried attitude". I wore it for a long time. In my case , and my case only (I am not talking about your kids) it was a defense mechanism to protect me from failure. It was easier to say this doesn't matter to me. Plus it was waaaay too dang hard for me to make good grades and party 5 nights a week.</p>
<p>I thought of this because of the "better student" conundrum I was in above. Take one class. My sister is the better student in that class, she got the better grade and did (and turned in) the better work. But I knew I was the better student in that I understood the material better and could apply that material in new and unique ways outside the classroom. Valedictorian (at best) measures the first better student, not necessarily the second but (and here is where this thread goes haywire) it is not mutually exclusive. One kid can be both.</p>