@MaineLonghorn Thank you, many paths indeed. I’m anticipating some twists and turns in a windy road toward adulthood. Question is how to wrangle a wild, creative, contemplative, AND detail/math/analytical soul into any path, much less one that require a ton of pre-requisites.
When I went to college, I opened Peterson’s, found my city, and off I went. Surely this kid will find his own way. Problem is, I know too much 
Ha, I can relate. Same with me. I knew what I wanted to do, applied to one school (UT-Austin), and proceeded to go straight through for my BS and MS in engineering.
My middle kid, on the other hand, took off 2 1/2 years after college, went on Christian relief trips to Jordan and Lebanon, and ended up studying English at the American University of Beirut. He graduated and is now living in Beirut near his Syrian girlfriend and they’re trying to figure out where to go next.
In high school, he was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar disorder, although we think the latter diagnosis was not correct, because he is doing fine mentally now. His psychiatrist told us that with this kid, we should, “Do nothing and say nothing.” Those were hard orders to follow, but I think they were correct. We listen to him and react sympathetically, but we NEVER offer advice because he does not take it well. He just turned 26. It will be interesting to see where he ends up.
I post this anecdote fairly frequently. It is one guy’s opinion, but it isn’t one that should be easily discounted.
One of my patient’s once said (I’m paraphrasing from memory): “I hear your son is interested in being an engineer. Let me tell you a little secret…it doesn’t matter where he goes to school. Some of the very best engineers to ever work for me went to Podunk U and some of the most pedestrian were graduates of my institution. What matters above all is curiosity and drive. Just don’t waste a bunch of money.”
He wasn’t a CC parent trying to affirm how great their kids college choice was (we all have that tendency 
). He was at JPL and the manager of one of NASAs biggest programs of all time. He held dual PhDs in math and physics and was a professor at Caltech.
I say this to reassure you that the drive to find the “perfect” school is a bit of a false construct. As @1NJParent has already alluded to, every school has strengths and weaknesses. It’s up to you (and in reality, your son) to choose a list of schools that meet what HE wants in a school. If he’s careful, that can and should include easy admits that are affordable that have enough attractions to compete for the top spot. The most selective schools are frequently not the “best” schools. Be reassured, engineering is VERY egalitarian.
Reading the tea leaves and having not read all of this thread, I think your son would be happiest if he was in an environment that didn’t offer great Plan Bs (the original question), but was designed to ensure Plan A succeeded. Lot’s of names have been thrown around, but I’d give a serious look at WPI (not the school my son chose, BTW 
). WPI is different than any other school in the nation. They are VERY supportive of their students. For better or worse, they essentially do not allow them to fail. They take only 3 classes at a time, two tech classes and one non-tech class. Uniquely though, most of their lab experience comes not through individual class projects, but multiple, year long collaborative ones, essentially multiple, robust capstones, up to 3. They are very applied in their approach. They are one of the few schools that has an undergraduate program not just in Mechatronics, but Robotics specifically, a great way to combine the mechanical and CS interests. Changing majors is easy and they have a surprising diversity of non-engineering options (linked below). Their grads get good jobs. My son didn’t ultimately go there, but we were all VERY intrigued by that school. The students all seemed genuinely happy.
Best of luck.
@eyemgh Thank you for this great advice. Yes, I completely agree that he should focus on finding himself a Plan A. It would be terrific if Plan A worked out, even if in a different way than originally intended. A college that is focused on supporting kids in their journey rather than weeding them off the path would be ideal.
Although not an engineering school, we sat down with an AO from Hamilton this week. He used the word “supportive” at least 5 times in his spiel. It was clearly something important he was trying to convey. Would an AO at CMU focus on the supportive nature of their college?
Good to know that the most engineering programs are egalitarian. This relieves some of the burden of navigating course catalogs 
WPI- agree this school checks a lot of boxes. We visited a couple days ago and found it to be quite alive. We walked by a project space and peeked in the open door. There was a human size robot, or the inner workings thereof, looking like something out of a science fiction movie. We even took some photos because it was so cool!
After our week on the road looking at 8 college campuses, my son has come a long way in forming opinions! He now knows what he does not like :)… 1. He does not like cities. 2. He does not like sprawling campuses. 3. He does not like colleges that don’t have engineering programs. 4. He does not want to be close to home.
He was willing and mildly interested in walking through campuses and was able to form some general thoughts of his own. We’re making progress!
Let’s reverse this game. So… What does he like at the schools you saw? BTW - seeing that many schools can be exhausting. I remember doing this and getting the schools mixed up… Lol. Hopefully you took notes. All I know 6 years ago every school bragged about their cool 3D printers… And the students could use them… Lol
Ha! When schools didn’t talk about the cool 3D printers and makers spaces, it was a red flag to D and she took those schools off her list ; )
@momofboiler1 Just had to tell you, at RIT, not only did we notice the 3D printers, we saw the students BUILDING a new 3D printer
So glad that your son was able to see students in action! That made a difference to my D as well.
But by school 3 or 4 it was like all the same… Rah, Rah school… Squirrels and watching the people watching the squirrel clubs and damn… 3d printers 
… You will like this one… “On the right is our chemistry building… Let’s go inside”
@Knowsstuff Since we could only peek in most buildings, his general opinions were formed from the outside looking in.
He liked more compact campuses where freshman dorms were convenient to academic buildings and library. He did not like the urban feel of CWRU. Suburban and closed off campuses like UofR were fine.
He wants to be somewhat close to an airport, rather than in the middle of nowhere. He’s fine with being far away from home and thinks he prefers it this way.
Architecture matters. He likes historic buildings over red, boxy buildings like RIT. He’s sensitive to his environment and the general feel/vibe of campus.
Impressive, dedicated maker spaces were important to him. I’m sure 3D printers would have made an impact if we were allowed to go inside
And yes he made a list of pros/cons for each school. It helped that we saw VERY different types of schools so they didn’t blend together
In addition to WPI, I’d second another’s recommendation of Lehigh. I’m not sure if you visited or not, but I’ve seen Lafayette, Bucknell and Union bantered about. Although their reputations are reasonable, it’s quite obvious that they are lacking in the facilities department once you’ve seen all the cool toys at schools with better ones.
I also think Tufts might be a fit, but their biggest problem is no merit aid. It’s really hard to justify the price unless you’re eligible for needs based financial assistance.
I know it’s probably been mentioned before, but what is your home state?
Great. He wants a self contained campus then. Lots of schools like that. Funny a friends daughter just saw Case and loved the culture but still deciding schools
@eyemgh Home state is IL. We visited Lafayette and he really liked the campus, although size might be too small. I’m not sure about social fit at Lafayette or Lehigh. He’s an introvert who will not go Greek. These schools also seem to draw heavily from NY, NJ, PA- maybe a nonissue? He liked the WPI campus, but not Worcester. I’m just glad he’s expressing some opinions
@Knowsstuff Case was fine until we hit Euclid Ave
He will see Purdue in a few weeks…largest campus thus far was 15k. It’s looking like self-contained is his beat.
I lived there during medical school. Every area has some rough spots. Just stay away and really not a reason not to pick a school. But. Purdue might be your answer then… Will be interested to hear your opinion. Not a far drive for you either.
I think Cal Poly might be worth a look.
It’s a very tough admit to ME (they admit by major, competing only against others who want the same). It’s a state school, so students need to be organized and disciplined to advocate for themselves. They grade very rigorously, but the environment is very collaborative. There’s no weeding out intentionally going on, but the rigor causes quite a few to change majors. The college of engineering is the biggest exporter of major changers.
That said, the Mechatronics concentration is very good. Their facilities for undergrads are spectacular with 80+ unique labs in the college of engineering alone. Although a bit over 20k, it plays like an honors college within a bigger school. All classes are small. For example, the calculus series is capped at 30 per lecture. Physics, 42. Nearly all, labs and discussions included, are taught by instructors with PhDs, not TAs. They get full theory, with no watered down math and physics, but have labs with even the most advanced classes. For example, the graduate level vibrations class has a lab, whereas the undergrad version is a lecture only class at most schools. There are many clubs beyond the usuals like SAE. Check out PROVE Lab. CubeSat was invented there and the standard and much of the launch coordination still based out of there. It’s in an idyllic location.
As I said though, students will get more automated support at some smaller privates. They have to seek it out at CP. An interesting example sticks out in my mind. My son had a pretty decent HS record. As a result, he got some good financial awards ($100k from Case and free tuition at Utah as examples). He got a little merit at CP, but in their mind, the reward is getting in. WPI on the other hand started prepping him with support to apply for a Fulbright, a post graduate fellowship, before he’d even signed an acceptance letter. It was their way of showing their support to entice him to choose them. $80k didn’t hurt either. 
From IL, not wanting to be in an urban environment, I would certainly look at Missouri S&T. My sister went there and she was accepted to MIT. With COVID, I don’t know if they’re doing it, but Jackling is worth consideration for the summer whether he applies or not.
My niece (that sister’s daughter) goes to Purdue and likes it. Her main complaint is that it is isolated. Not like Rolla isn’t though. Ha!
I’d also add Michigan Tech and Iowa State to the mix.
https://futurestudents.mst.edu/summer-camps/jackling-introduction-to-engineering/
@eyemgh Thank you for shedding some light on Cal Poly. It’s in beautiful part of the country for sure. I didn’t realize class sizes would be so small at a CA public. Missouri S&T has not been on our radar, but I’ll look into it! I like the sound of the support at WPI too. He’s a bright kid who could benefit from clear pathways to academic and career support.
They become comedians? I once met Kevin Brown, “Dotcom” from 30Rock and he told me he was an engineering student. I asked “What happened?”
His reply: “Multivariable Calculus”
My observation is that for many schools you have to apply to the “Engineering College” within the University. If he wants to “drop back” to an "easier’ major, there isn’t an issue as they are not as competitive.
At this point this is not something I would worry about. He has to do well in his HS classes, get into college, and then see how he feels. If he didn’t like something…what aspect? I was an Electrical Engineering major and found out I did not like circuits … I got through that and have a job that uses the problem solving skills and is in the technical area but I am not designing hardware.