<p>sueinphilly, since you’ve been sending him things/paying for stuff, you can enforce the “him paying the part of the EFC that will be as a result of ‘his’ earnings” pretty easily, I think. You probably need to reiterate your expectations, presented to him as a reminder, that you will be paying $X for the EFC and no more. If there is more to be paid, it is up to him. At this point, I’d not be buying (nor sending) him clothes or toiletries or cereal, nor paying for anything that is not absolutely school-related. And it is from that money – absolutely school-related – from which I’d deduct the part of the EFC that results from his earnings. If that means he has to borrow other people’s books for a semester because he didn’t budget well (or at all) for the expense of books, well, it does. </p>
<p>“him paying the part of the EFC that will be as a result of ‘his’ earnings”</p>
<p>The ‘his’ in that should not be in quotes – they are, in fact, his earnings. And what do people do with their earnings? Pay for what they need and want! Adults pay for their needs first, then their wants. He’ll learn! Most do, and if he doesn’t, well, he has to pay the consequences, just as other adults do. If he buys $60 jeans that he never wears, well, that’s okay if that is how he chooses to spend his money. You spend your money as you see fit (not on toothpaste and contact lens solution and cereal for him, right? Right!) and he gets to, too.</p>
<p>You don’t want to make this punitive, but rather, the casual, gradual adoption of adulthood. (Otherwise, he may be tempted to cut back on the number of hours he’s working.) You want to praise him for earning so much; it pleases you to see him blossoming into a responsible man. You want to remind him, before the summer slips away, that you will be paying $X – the EFC based on just your earnings – for school. What with the increase in the cost of energy, both for the home and the car, and in food… well, you wish you could do more, and you are proud of him for getting a scholarship and taking care of himself, and you are glad to help him pay for his education and are doing what you can.</p>
<p>I don’t know whether the emphasis on money has been “you are helping him,” or whether with his scholarships and earnings, he “is helping you.” If it’s been the latter, I’d be moving away from that really fast! The language you use is important.</p>
<p>When he pays for some of his education, he is not helping you; his education is for his benefit, and he is helping himself.</p>
<p>For a reference, once my S turned 13, I told him that I expected him to supply his own spending money for sleepaway camp. He gets an allowance from his dad and from me all year, and from this, he pays for junk food, CDs he wants, books (not for school), etc. The camp recommends a certain amount (a range) for campers to have for spending money; this is just a little bit more than his allowance for that time period is. He has to save from previous allowances to have that minimum amount, and since he likes to have more than the minimum, he has to save more.</p>
<p>And he does. He’s 14. He became frugal when he stopped getting whatever merchandise he “needed” (wanted!) from his parents and started getting an allowance to pay for it instead. He had to make choices – 5 packs of Yu-gi-Oh cards and no candy, or 3 packs and candy? (He was maybe 7? 8?) He learned!</p>
<p>Your son will, too!</p>