what is parent's role at trial lesson?

College Majors Music Major
21

<p>I know I am in the minority here, but for personal reasons, I sat in on all my son’s trial lessons. I was unobtrusive and only asked questions at the end. My son was very comfortable with me being there, or I wouldn’t have done it. I enjoyed it very much and it helped us to make a good decision. The teachers never seemed to mind. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it for everyone, but it worked for us.</p>

<p>P.S. Believe it or not, I am NOT a helicopter mom, nor a stage mom, but I felt strongly I needed to see what we were getting for the price we were going to be eventually paying.</p>

22

<p>I never sat in on a lesson but I have to say in one case I was so curious (and this was late in the evening, so the building was deserted) I shamelessly listened to some of the professor’s comments from the hallway. It gave me some useful information, mainly that son’s classical auditiion piece needed a lot of work, but his jazz was “not bad” as the professor said in a more cheerful tone of voice than when he was critquing the classical piece. After that lesson, we (parents) got serious about finding a teacher that son liked who would help him with his classical piece.</p>

23

<p>Shennie…had to chuckle at your P.S since I never even THINK to accuse people of being helicopter parents when it comes to their child’s future. The unfortunate part of this board is that you feel guilty if your child didn’t do 100% of the application process themselves. Every child is different and to say a child should be solely responsible at 17 years old for something that will have such a major impact on their lives (and our pocketbooks) is ridiculous!</p>

24

<p>Obviously, every child is different and the dynamic is different when it comes to things like this, but I firmly believe that as parents at this point we need to act more as advisors and mentors then parents. Among other things, music instruction is more like an apprenticeship with the teacher, and it is a very individual one. From my own perspect, my S after 12 years of teachers, coaches, mentors and conductors know better then I do what works for him and doesn’t with a teacher, for example, and I would be way out of my league telling him which teacher to study with. Likewise, with programs, a top rated program may not be the best place in terms of environment, or maybe a music school in a university is better then a conservatory, and that the kid probably would know better then ourselves. Part of the problem is that most of us as parents only know what we have picked up, very few of us had musical backgrounds (some did), so we only have a glimmer about what goes on.</p>

<p>And like parents with kids on the academic track, there are some beliefs that may work against a kid; in the violin world, for example, I have met quite a few parents who think only the ‘name’ teacher at a ‘name’ program is good enough, and that is hogwash; many of them fall into the idea that if their kid are going to study music, they need to study with a Perlman or Lin or Weilerstein, when a)the likelyhood of getting them is small and b)may not even work as a teacher(kind of like the parents who think you only are successful if you go to an ivy like school…). </p>

<p>Does that mean we have the kid do 100% of everything? No, of course not, we are still parents, and expecting them to miraculously make all the decisions, etc, is kind of ridiculous, and that wasn’t my point. For example, given the nature of music, the finances are important, and if the kid was talking taking on 100 grand in student loans to go to let’s say Juilliard, whereas they could go to a really good program with a teacher they liked where they would need to take on no debt, it would be a foolish parent to not point out the reality of what 100 grand in debt means and how tenuous music is…also, in terms of getting applications in, making sure pre screens are done, helping plan trips to schools and for auditions and the like, of course parents are going to be there, that is basic support IMO.</p>

<p>Still, I think when it comes to for example sample lessons, the kid needs to be the dominant one there, if not in complete control. As a parent, I can hear back from my son what the teacher said and give my feedback on what I think it means without asking the question myself, and before the lesson I can suggest to my son questions to ask the teacher so he could go in their ready to go. I worry that my presence or asking questions or being involved there would break somehow the process of my son feeling out the teacher, or vice versa, that there is a certain amount of deference to parents in those situations that could cloud the kids judgement. Obviously, in the end it is up to the parent to decide, my thoughts are from my perspective, everyone has to find what works for them. Sitting in a lesson is not helicopter parenting, nor would I ever think that of anyone on this thread, my point is simply what I am finding works for myself and why I think it works out. Believe me, I have seen that in music, and it is pretty horrifying:)</p>

25

<p>Just adding another data point. Since all trial lessons for both of my children were out of state, I was necessarily along as driver. In each case, I was present when my s or d met the teacher. Then I did what the teacher seemed to expect. In some cases, the teacher invited me in, in other cases they told me what time to return. We paid for a lesson only once, with a teacher who did not invite me in.</p>

<p>After years of taking my kids to lessons and meeting the teachers, I guess it never occurred to me to do anything else. Ignorance is bliss.</p>

26

<p>When D had sample lessons, I usually sat outside the studio. Some were at a teacher’s apartment and I sat in. Other times the teacher invited me to join for a discussion after the lesson. It just depends.</p>

27

<p>We just got back from my d’s first official music college visit. Thanks for all the info that helped us to prepare. Everything went great except for the trail lesson. She was able to sit in on a couple classes, meet other current music students, experience a little of campus life and we even had the opportunity to attend the school’s mainstage opera program. They did a great job! However, the trial lesson was nothing that my d expected. I was invited to attend the lesson but declined as I thought it would be better for my D’s experience. When she was finished I could tell things did not go according to plan. She stated that the voice teacher talked about herself and her accomplishment for awhile and then asked her what schools she was considering. She then begin to talk about the program at the school and bascially told her not to get her hopes up for any large parts but maybe her junior or senior year she could get a “decent part”. This whole conversation took place before my D even had a chance to sing. When my D finally asked if she could sing the teacher stated the session was pretty q and a. However, becaue my D had brought something to work on she agreed to listen to her. This was very short and the only feedback she gave her was that she had good pitch and tone. IS THIS A NORMAL TRIAL LESSON AT A SCHOOL? For my D this was the suppose to be the most importmant part of the visit.</p>

28

<p>My son’s trial lessons were almost entirely about the music and the playing. Of the four trial lessons, I think that there was only one at which there was even a brief mention of the school. I think my son’s experience was on the opposite end of the spectrum from sread1’s daughter’s. Normally, I think that there is more playing/singing and teaching during the lesson than what sread1’s daughter experienced. </p>

<p>Hopefully, sread1’s daughter still got a good feel for whether the teacher had a personality that she could work with (although it sounds like it would be hard to know how effective the teacher would be). Sorry to hear that the teacher wasn’t willing to work more on the voice and/or repertoire.</p>

29

<p>sread1—As a HS student applying for undergrad, D had several sessions like this. But they were specifically set up as unpaid interviews where the teacher asked questions, explained the school, and invited D to sit in on another undergrad’s lesson. I hope your D didn’t pay for that!</p>

<p>BTW—it might be a matter of semantics, for some—trial means “free”
A paid lesson should be THAT…a full on lesson.</p>

30

<p>Vocal trial lessons may be different, but my violist D spent most of the time playing at hers.</p>

<p>The good news is the teacher warned her about not expecting parts BEFORE she heard her. To me, that makes it sound like generic advice about the program and not a response to anything she heard in your D’s voice.</p>

<p>It may yet be the most important part of the visit - in the sense that you now have a baseline for evaluating other teachers. If everyone else falls more in line with your expectations, that may tell you something important about this particular individual.</p>

31

<p>Agree with musicamerica, this sounds more like a two-way informational session between the professor and your daughter, not what you’d get with a paid lesson.</p>

<p>My son had two paid lessons with professors, both of which the main focus was son’s playing. Locally, we’d refer to it as a “master lesson”, where you’d get a consulting type lesson with a highly qualifed player, say, the principal chair of your instrument in a professional symphony.</p>

<p>He also had two lessons with professors who declined payment, but I believe that for them it helped with recruitment for their schools.</p>

<p>As it turned out he ended going to a school where freshman are taught by teaching fellows so the professor lesson wasn’t really a determining factor. BTW, son does like this… so far he’s always seemed to do better with teachers who are closer to his age. Hopefully he will get to know the four available professors now that he is at the school, and will be able to choose a good fit when the opportunity arises for him to be in one of their studios.</p>

32

<p>@sread1-no,that is not a normal trial lesson for a singer. Was the form of the session discussed at all beforehand, such as the actual word “lesson” used in an email? It sounded like it was an “interview” session, one on one “getting to know the teacher” sort of thing. I wouldn’t take it as a negative point against the school/ program, per se, though, and I do think that it was good that your D was informed upfront about the opera casting and to be honest, no undergraduate should ever expect to be cast in a full production.</p>

33

<p>IMHO, it can disruptive and confusing to have lessons with various teachers. Technical changes for a singer are part of a plan of physical conditioning. To introduce new and/or different concepts and then send the singer on his/her merry way is irresponsible and dangerous. It is more valuable for a singer to sit in on lessons, hear how the teacher is approaching various issues, and what the interaction might be. It would be appropriate to ask for feedback from a teacher in a trial situation, what things need work, what their priority would be about what to do next, what kind of repertory would they suggest to achieve what goals, etc. It might be valid for the teacher to explore the voice and its capabilities with vocalises, see what the range and flexibility are. But many technical issues are long term projects, and short term experience will be very tenuous.</p>

34

<p>FWIW, my daughter always asked teachers, by phone or email, if she could “play for them.” She let them take the lead as to whether it was a lesson or just a short interviewish thing where she did some playing. It was all over the place for her, in terms of payment, everything from $200 for a 60-minute lesson to $0 for a 90 minute lesson.</p>