<p>I agree that it’s not really fair to ask kids this question, and that kids have the right to decline to answer it. But . . . life’s not always fair, and college admissions is part of life. Kids should treat a tough question like this as an opportunity to shine, not as a threat to be afraid of.</p>
<p>The only really bad answer you could give to this question is “I’m not applying anywhere else.” It’s bad because (a) it makes you look like a clueless idiot who isn’t ready for college or the adult world, and (b) it tells the coach that you have no leverage whatsoever.</p>
<p>Short of that, everyone knows that an applicant is applying to multiple colleges, and that the applicant has a strategy. Most of the time, if a kid has a well-thought-through strategy, talking about it intelligently (and not arrogantly) will make the kid look good, whether it’s with an interviewer, admissions staff, or a coach. What’s more, it lets the interlocutor know what the kid cares about, which can only help improve the quality of discussion about what the college or athletic program can offer him or her. It also makes the kid look forthright, and who wouldn’t rather deal with someone who’s forthright than someone who’s not?</p>
<p>The separate question, “If I support you, will you come?” is a lot of pressure. But from the standpoint of the coach, or most other people who would ask it, it’s an important question. I have a relative who is a senior faculty member at an attractive LAC, and he will interview anyone I send him, and be willing to support anyone he likes after an interview. His support amounts to a guarantee of admission – but he won’t use his clout unless the applicant promises to enroll if admitted. He’s not going to work against anyone who declines to give that promise – I know several people who have been admitted to his college after telling him they couldn’t promise that. But he’s not going to go out on a limb for someone who isn’t committed. That’s just the way things are. </p>
<p>With coaches, who are always negotiating with Admissions, and generally have tight limits on how many people they can help, asking that question is almost a necessity. And if they don’t ask it explicitly (even if they are not allowed to ask it), they are trying to figure it out and to answer it implicitly. An explicit discussion is probably better – it helps everyone avoid mistakes.</p>
<p>It’s perfectly fair to say, “This is one of my top choices, but not my only top choice,” and “I can’t commit anywhere before I know what the financial picture is.” It’s fair to say, “I don’t know what I would do if I had to choose between here and X with the same aid package; tell me why this is a better program for me.” It’s fair to say, “This is one of my top two or three choices, and I could commit here if I knew that the financial aid package was [f(x)].”</p>
<p>It’s also OK to say something like, “If I get into X, Y, or Z with decent aid, I would probably go there. But I love this school and this program, and if things work out that this is my best option, I’ll be completely pumped about being here and coming out for this team. I’d love whatever help you can give me, but save your big favors for surer bets than me, because if I do come here, I want the program to be great.” That may not guarantee you admission to the college, but I think it probably guarantees you the coach’s respect, and a good start to your relationship with the coach. And I would be surprised if you didn’t get some help with admissions out of it, too.</p>
<p>The important thing is to know what you think and what you care about, and how this college and this coach fit into that system. If you are solid on that, and prepared to talk about it confidently and honestly, you are going to win respect from a lot of people.</p>