When a College Student Comes Home to Stay

prescient article in the NYT’s.
“Thirty percent of freshmen won’t return for their sophomore year, and the wheels can start to fall off as early as Thanksgiving. What can parents do?”

"When the new batch of freshmen arrived on campus this fall, many of them were greeted as members of the class of 2022, based on the old assumption that college is a four-year program. In fact, according to data from the nonprofit Complete College America, only 20 percent of students complete a bachelor’s degree in four years.

And only 57 percent of students who enroll in college will graduate in six years. It’s not only the underachievers. Burnout is common among high-achieving high school students who sacrificed sleep and relaxation for four years to get into their college of choice, only to find once they get there that they can’t imagine another four years of grind. "

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/19/well/family/when-a-college-student-comes-home-to-stay.html

This is one of the reasons why colleges are catching onto the value of taking a gap year between high school graduation and college start. When my son received a warm welcoming package from his top choice school, we were surprised to find it containing an information about its all expenses paid “Bridge Year” program and encouraging all admitted students to consider taking a gap year. My son decided to take a gap year and, year later, is now a freshman eager to get to work as well as to enjoy the college life with renewed energy and enthusiasm. Looking back, I think it was a great move.

While the article focuses on high achievers who attend residential colleges and burn out or get distracted by binge drinking and partying, dropping out is more common among those from low income backgrounds or who are first generation to college, often due to money or affordability reasons (even though many such students commute to local colleges to conserve money while working part time).

I think the completion rate might even be declining or at least I think I’ve read those statistics. I think plenty of kids go to college and/or start college that probably could achieve greater success in a technical or pre-pro program or work a few years and mature. We’re also sending kids off to college with emotional and mental health issues that probably wouldn’t have gone. Wikipedia is not the end all be all but I quickly checked and this:

Starting in 1969, men had a powerful incentive NOT to drop out. It was called Viet Nam and depending on your lottery number, staying in college or going to Canada were your options unless you wanted to fight. No disrespect to those who went… but academic deferrals kept a LOT of “not quite college material” men in school for much longer than they would have been in normal times.

One of the commenters on that article states:

He brings up an interesting point. As @momofthreeboys says not everyone is cut out for college.

“And only 57 percent of students who enroll in college will graduate in six years. It’s not only the underachievers. Burnout is common among high-achieving high school students who sacrificed sleep and relaxation for four years to get into their college of choice, only to find once they get there that they can’t imagine another four years of grind. "

You ( or the article) are conflating concepts. The high achieving students at elite universities may feel burned out but with these universities having 4 year graduation rates in the 90’s the 57 percent statistic is utterly irrelevant to a discussion of high achieving students at elite universities. Indeed, it’s spreading false information.

Re: #3, #5

Tuition free is not cost free, since there are living and commuting expenses even for those living with parents, and foregone earnings from work that could otherwise be gotten.,

However, since (too high) cost and (un)affordability are the biggest reasons for dropping out, the actual situation we have now is that college education is being rationed more by parental ability to pay, rather mainly by student ability and motivation that most would say should be how education should be rationed.

https://www.publicagenda.org/files/theirwholelivesaheadofthem.pdf (page 7) shows the reasons for non-completion. The top reason by far, cited by 54% as a major reason and another 17% as a minor reason, was “I needed to go to work to make money”. The next one, with 31% major and 21% minor, was “I just couldn’t afford the tuition and fees.”

@TiggerDad What does an ‘all expenses paid’ bridge year mean exactly? Paid by whom and what do the students do?

@blossom which means with enough motivation it can be done

@ucbalumnus those quotes are from the student perspective? I wonder though - what does that really mean? Could it be “I didn’t get the grades my paying parents expected to keep paying”?

@toomanyteens https://www.princeton.edu/bridgeyear/about-the-program/faqs/

Princeton’s Bridge Program offers a very specific kind of gap year experience, service in a community in Bolivia, China, India, Indonesia or Senegal. Participants live with local families and there is a small peer group located in the same locale. I am curious about health insurance- does Princeton provide it?

With the statistics on college completion, I think the constant drumbeat about going to college needs to change. There needs to be more information given to high school students and graduates about alternative paths. Kids today are made to feel like failures if they don’t finish college, and parents are sacrificing way too much to make it happen for kids who might be more fulfilled with other options.

Princeton Bridge Year program’s incidental funding, such as health insurance, is need-based, i.e., Princeton will pay for that based on the family’s income situation.

“Bridge Year participants and their families will typically be responsible for the cost of travel and other incidental expenses such as document fees, health insurance, immunizations and personal items. Need-based funding is available to cover such expenses, meaning that–depending on your family circumstances–your Bridge Year could cost you practically nothing.”

I believe they plan on expanding the country of destinations. My son had specific goals to accomplish during his gap year, including traveling abroad to South Korea, which isn’t on the list of the Bridge Year program’s country of destinations, so he decided not to apply for the program. During my son’s move-in this past September, we met a young man who did participate in the program and he really liked the experience and spoke at length about it.

Off topic tangent warning: kids with preexisting conditions might not be able to do the program, and those on Medicaid would also not be able to do it, unless Princeton provides full global coverage somehow. This is an issue in some academic programs. (For instance, Fulbrights don’t offer sufficient insurance for students with health issues)

I absolutely don’t think there is any reason to separate kids at elite private schools from all kids going to college. It really changes nothing unless you are a highly educated parent whose child is at an uber elite college…the odds of your kid finishing His/her degree is higher but to not converse about o verall graduation rates is missing an important conversation. There is a difference between ensuring that motivated kids with hurdles finish their degree and sending off kids that probably shouldn’t or would be better served on a different path is two different things.

My multi/degreed friend and her H really stressed when both their D and later S decided no to conventional college. Both those kids are in their 30s now and both are successful business owners but it was very difficult for my friends to buck the trend, deal with other parents who were critical and for them to be supportive and not critical of their kids. They worried plenty and that is where the high level conversation in high schools, workplaces and in general is wrong.

Plus a few intrepid parents come back and “talk” about their kids who bail out on college but the old saying where there is smoke there is fire is probably true. I am sure there are plenty more parents who never return here to talk about it.

Where there’s smoke there’s fire. Indeed.

I know of three boys in my community of friends – all highly educated parents and students, all value college and competitive colleges at that, all were overjoyed with their kids’ college acceptances – and the boys came back. Oh! Just remembered a girl too. She attended what’s considered the most competitive HS in my community, her family has three total kids all of whom attend the same Ivy uni, she left and came home and family is dealing with that.

So that’s a lot of kids. When it happens to a family, it can feel devastating.

That’s one reason why I’m part of the self-designated “stress-busting” group of parents. Lower the stress of the children. Lower the anxiety levels. There’s no rush and gap years are helpful.

“Just remembered a girl too. She attended what’s considered the most competitive HS in my community, her family has three total kids all of whom attend the same Ivy uni, she left and came home and family is dealing with that.”

While of course this can happen it’s rare. Ivy universities have graduation rates in the 95%+ range. At Harvard only 2.5 percent don’t graduate. This article while it tries to imply that the 37 percent applies to even elite colleges, nothing could be further from the truth.

That graduation rate does not apply to all schools. btw- transfers to another school lower the graduation rate- there does not seem to be a way to track those who go on to finish elsewhere in a college’s stats.

A neighbor’s son quit college a couple of years ago and is living at home doing whatever jobs. He was an A student in his top for state tier public U. Don’t know the family well enough (moved here not that long ago) to know too much. His parents said he quit because after doing more than a year he just didn’t know what he wanted to do. If you can’t pick a major to do advanced classes in all you are doing is wasting time with more general ed ones I guess. I doubt a year off before college would have changed things.

There are many students who should choose options other than a four year college. Many of them will be the college dropouts. The neighbor- needs to find his field as he is drifting now. Not something you ask about- tough enough without butting in.

I tell my kids that a lot of people fall apart when they hit 19/20 so they should do as much towards their academic goals before that. Then they can have some cushion to pick up the pieces if things fall apart which they do a lot, be it bipolar, depression or anxiety, physical health reasons or a traumatic experience. I’ve seen it happen too often in other people and adult-onset mental illness is present in our family. It can be devastating and very expensive especially when a child is at a residential school with poor supports. My kids are all great at school and have very clear passions but you never know when disaster can strike.