<p>dacase -</p>
<p>You offer your kid the option of a Gap Year. Maybe he wants a formal program (like AFS or Americorps), maybe he wants to join the Marine Corps, or maybe he just wants to get a job and read fun books (as opposed to textbooks) for 12 months. College will still be there when he is emotionally ready.</p>
<p>minamora -</p>
<p>Love the transmission metaphor! Thanks for suggesting it to us.</p>
<p>This was just said to us recently, so it might be fleeting or not. He is a smart kid, did really well the first quater senior year then grades slipped. Now he says he may not be ready to work hard in college and doesn't to waste the money if he is not going to succeed. He really has no plan for the future. His dad and I are devstated, we don't understand our son has so much potential. We are at loss on what do or say.</p>
<p>Don't be depressed. He sounds very wise. He just may not be ready.</p>
<p>Now, as parents you need to sit down and forumlate a plan. Pull out options - as some were relayed above. Make lists - what he wants, doesn't want, priorities etc.
Set expectations. Where he will live, support himself, transportation. Discuss to what you will contribute and what he must contribute. For instance, if you currently pay car insurance and he will pick up the tab - explain it. Not as a punishment for not going to college but as paying for his share. Likewise if you decide to charge him rent.</p>
<p>This is not the end of the world - au contraire.</p>
<p>cross-post with justamomof4 who said it much better than I could.</p>
<p>We have started to formulate plan or are getting ready to plan that.</p>
<p>It feels like the end of the world. I would have never thought that my son would not go to college.</p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>My DH took a year off, busing tables at Denny's -- he just needed to "marinate" awhile -- then went back, more focused, finished degree, Master's and PhD. He's awesome at what he does. I truly believe males take a little longer to mature -- and I remember how much I loved working --for the first time I had weekends to myself (instead of for homework).
Please read your last posting again -- YOUR heart is aching. He's bright, sounds like he's healthy, he's alive -- man, there's a lot to be grateful for there. What a huge gift and sense of relief for him if you can truly give him a hug and say "You are a terrific kid and I just know there are lots of paths available to you." (Bill Gates never finished HIS degree!). Good luck!</p>
<p>Thank you to all for the encouraging posts.</p>
<p>I formulated a plan with my son. We addressed 3 major areas:
Finances
Intellect/Career Exploration
Health/Well Being</p>
<p>He already had a job (he has always had a job as long as I can remember!) so he talked to his manager and can pick up 3 more shifts. He is in an apartment, so he will not need to move out of a dorm. We are going to cover car and medical insurance and cell phone through May. If he does not return to school for the summer, we will only cover medical insurance.</p>
<p>My son is going to brush up on his Spanish and guitar. He also may substitute teach as he had expressed and interest in teaching a few years ago. I may even get him to take the culinary class I have always wanted him to try! He is a fabulous cook.</p>
<p>Addressing the high school senior issue. I have one of those as well. It is not unusual for them to feel this way ESPECIALLY when they get into a college they wanted to attend. It makes it all so real and overwhelming. Offering the gap year may just take the pressure off. My 3rd child went through this in a big way. He decided to go on to college and is happy he did. He started with 12 hours instead of 15. It was very helpful for his psyche to ease into college.</p>
<p>Please allow me to post this video and you will understand that taking a semester or a year off might be the best choice for your son. The youtube link will direct you to a commencement speech that Steve Jobs give at Stanford. </p>
<p>I am going to take a year off too. called my mother at midnight the other day to tell her that I am taking a break because I am unhappy at my school. I gave her my plan and she said yes.n I am a bright person but I lost interest at school because I cannot find what I want there. I don’t feel that I have been challenging enough. I am doing find with my classes now but I need to get away to find my way.</p>
<p>I told her to let me take the decision that I feel that is best for me. Please let your son follows his gut, his instinct or whatever that is pushing him toward this tough choice. In three years, if he succeed and become happy, it will be his success. If he fails, it will be his failure but he will raise from it and learn a lesson that will guide him through his life.</p>
<p>I am glad that my parents are supporting me and allowing me to take the non-traditional way. I appreciate that they believe in me and trust my judgment.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA[/url]”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA</a></p>
<p>Inspirational speech at Stanford. He talked about how the time he took of college helped him shape his future</p>
<p>S2 dropped out in his 3rd year, after has second try. He worked for several years and has now returned at age 25. He is in a community college, with grants and small loans. Will transfer to Sate U next year. But is now making straight A’s. Before he did not have any focus and could not decide what he wanted to do. Now he has a path. He would have been a good candidate for a gap year in the beginning or if there weren’t Iraq, the service, to grow up some. 20/20 hind sight. But all in good time. He is getting there now. </p>
<p>My brother never went back when he dropped out after 2 years but had a very satisfying career and life. Moving up with experience and talent instead of degree. It can work out many different ways.</p>
<p>dacase, it’s not the end of the world. Gap years can be a great experience. In fact, Harvard has found that students who take gap years do so much better, they now suggest taking a gap year in their acceptance letter. I took a year off before starting college and it was a wonderful experience. I lived with a French family and learned to speak French fluently, got interested in architecture (what I do now), and saw a lot of Europe. I went off to Harvard refreshed, more mature and ready to learn.</p>
<p>My first decided she wanted to “take a year off” before college. She never got there. She’s now married with children and telling her youngest sibling not to follow in her footsteps. Second child, a bright 4.0 kid, ranked 10 in his class, got a full ride, and blew it in his second semester. He decided going deeply into debt to continue wasn’t what he wanted to do. Was blessed to get a job with a person of celebrity status, and has been happy to continue his path. Now with the youngest…I think he has learned from the older two and is even more determined to finish. I hope, and pray he does. He has big dreams that will require a college degree.</p>
<p>My oldest went to a CC for 1 1/2 years. Quit and worked in low paid jobs for @ 2 years. Was actually perfectly happy working at a take 10 but realized he would need more money if he wanted a family etc. Went back to school initially planning to try and be a history teacher because he loves history but got convinced by some old HS teachers that he should go for science teaching as there are more jobs. Had a disastrous semester doing science classes (he never liked science) and quit before the end of the semester. Returned again to the CC the next fall and is doing a technology qualification for which most of his previous classes do not count. Is in the 2nd semester, 2 more to go. He is paying mostly himself this time with some grants and more in loans and the little that was left in his 529 account (unfortunately even littler after the recent stock market drops). I am hopeful he will finish but not holding my breath.</p>
<p>He is very intelligent (130+ IQ) but has some learning disabilities that made school a miserable experience for him. He would be perfectly happy in a manual labor job if they paid enough to raise a family and pay health insurance etc. If we could have do overs I would have steered him in the direction of a vocational school as he seems happier working with his hands and being physically busy (auto repairs or something).</p>
<p>My younger is a college sophomore and is doing well and mulling going for a dual major as some really wonderful honors English teachers have sparked a new found passion in my self proclaimed science nerd.</p>
<p>I am glad that I found this thread, as DS wants to put off college now. Defer one of his acceptances - or maybe not even. And, I want him to find his own path…I will say he was never invested in the whole college process in the way he’s been invested in the last three weeks - in trying to line up an internship or get involved with Americorps. He’s been offerred a FT job that now he seems to want to take - with enough monies to pay the health insurance, the commuting, the car bill, and some rent to his DM. I never thought this academic kid would want this - and I do not want it for him ---- and I am trying hard to back off and let him get there. I look back at the whole admissions stuff - and he was so ‘not with’ the program - so ‘not invested’ - that the change in demeanor seems surreal. I hope it works for him.</p>
<p>I am a third year college student at UC and I’ve been struggling all three years. I don’t see the point of using my parent’s money for college even though my parents told me money is not an issue. I worked during summers and I have to say I feel much more useful and fulfilled when I am working. One learns a lot of things at work than at school. My major is art studio and to be honest I don’t see the point of getting a degree in that and thus I feel very guilty using their money. I am very interested in illustration and drawing, I have a summer job drawing caricatures at theme park for three summers. I think as an Asian male is difficult to be not so bright a science and math when people around me are always going to be doctors or engineers.
I always feel really hopeless and discouraged at college. My dad agreed to let me quit few weeks ago but really advised me to continue college. I decided to stay but I am reconsidering again. I am really glad I found this thread. I just want to share my struggle.</p>
<p>The fellow down the street was a recruiter. He used to say “get the degree” - in anything, having the degree is better than not having it. I think this applies to technician certifications too - get them if you can.</p>
<p>OP, I hope that your son does a full semester with the ADD meds, whether soon or after a refreshing break.</p>
<p>You’ve resurrected a 2-year old thread, sharpie123, but that’s OK, I’ll respond anyway.
You only have ONE YEAR left. Two semesters! (Or, three quarters, whatever.) You are SO CLOSE. Don’t make those past 3 years meaningless; finish up and have something to show for your troubles. Fact is, a UC diploma really is something. These days, almost “everyone” has a BA or BS. And that puts those who don’t at a disadvantage. Many jobs require a degree, at the very least it shows potential employers you completed something significant at a highly respected school. You are NOT wasting your dad’s money (though it might be wasted if you leave without a diploma.) And if you’re feeling guilty now, how do you think you’ll feel if you go against your dad’s heartfelt advice and drop out? If you’re truly depressed, get some counseling. Odds are, at any UC you’ll find plenty of people to talk to about this: believe me, you’re not the only student to feel anxious about school and where it’s leading you! But don’t give up. You’ve put in so much work and time already…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Can your son take a leave of absence from his current college? Students do this…it leaves the option of returning open to them…if that becomes their choice. </p>
<p>I know you aren’t asking for this opinion…but I would scrub floors to make sure my kids had health insurance. Just my opinion.</p>
<p>Re: other expenses, I agree…he should understand that he has to have a plan for his year off.</p>
<p>katliamom, thank you for taking the time to encourage me.</p>
<p>Health insurance should not be an issue now with the new laws. I even was able to add my 24 year old, out of college back on our plan. </p>
<p>I would let him take a gap year, personal leave of absence, whatever, in an orderly fashion and let him take some time off. We did that with our son. Better he do that than flunk a course or do something that gets him kicked out or he leaves, fed up without going through the exit process. If he does it the right way, he’ll have the option to return. He probably will. I know too many kids who dropped out and didn’t let parents know, making it more difficult to get back into the school in the future. This way, you can sit down with him and go through options rather than having this all dumped in your lap.</p>
<p>sharpie123–STAY! Seriously, you are so close to being done. Just go for it and realize that a year from now you can move out into the world. It is so hard to express to a person your age how many future doors may open just from these 4 years of struggle. I totally disliked my undergrad years. I loved my Masters Program. I have understood my S when he tells me how he would rather be working but I still stand by the "just get through it’ program. Good Luck next year and maybe you could talk to your folks about your dream graduation gift…a trip, a used car?</p>