I’ve read through a lot of posts about extenuating circumstances and writing about them on this forum, and it seems like it’ generally looked down upon to mention it. I don’t want to make excuses for my academics but I honestly can’t reconcile that with the fact that the events in my life have seriously affected my grades.
My father committed suicide my sophomore year and my mother has essentially not been present in my life because of her crippling depression as a result. I feel as though this is worth mentioning. Is it not?
I am sorry for your loss.
Your guidance counselor can bring this up in her statement. If you choose to address it yourself, the difference between extenuating circumstances and whining is in the tone. Certainly this has had an impact on you. But reasons are not excuses and you clearly aren’t trying to guilt the ad com people into admitting you. Write them edit.
Have your GC address it. That way whatever the issues are don’t seem like whining. Sorry for your loss
I’m also sorry for your loss. You are not whining. However, you and your mother have indeed suffered a devastating loss and I hope you are both seeking therapy. I would hold off on college until you know that you can deal with your issues yourself so that you can partition this part of your life from your future grades. College records are permanent. HS records really aren’t.
Using these circumstances to explain your past record only makes sense if you’ve indeed overcome the issue. Then it’s actually a positive story.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Your guidance counselor can address this for you.
I doubt colleges would see a death in the immediate family as “whining”.
The following is about explanations of extenuating circumstances in general:
Discussion of extenuating circumstances almost always makes the writer appear to be trying to explain away negative aspects of the writer’s credentials. It rarely accomplishes that.
Let’s use grades as an example. Students get poor grades for all kinds of reasons. Almost never is the reason that the student selected bad grades over good grades. So what are better or worse reasons? Depression? Tragedy in the family? Lack of support? Lack of brain power? Previous lack of interest? Disabilities? Which of these makes the bad grades different from the others?
An explanation can provide a context within which the grades took place to estimate the odds that the poor achievement level will continue. But, remember little about college admissions is about whether the student “deserves” to be admitted. “I tried so hard” or" The situation isn’t my fault" won’t sway ad cons. Decisions are made based on the likelihood of success. And many things that impede success are out of the control of the student. The question is whether future success is likely.
Certain things are more likely to impede success. These factors are often those that students feel should be understood and should excuse past performance: depression, learning disabilities, problematic family background, family conflict, difficulty adapting to the demands of high school (often shown by increasingly better grades over time). Discussion of these things, as mitigating factors, may be more damaging than helpful. These situations, if they impacted negatively on achievement in high school are likely to do so in college as well-especially if the student gains entry to a very competitive college. Colleges are not massive mental health facilities. Despite feeling it “unfair” they are not going to willingly accept high risk students. A student who struggled in high school do to these factors will likely struggle as much or more in college.
The other problem with the use of these factors to explain bad grades is about the absence of better grades.Some students with top grades live in difficult circumstances. They still are high achievers. Yes it is easier to be a high achiever when you live in the best of circumstances. But not everyone who experiences hardship has lousy grades. Further, there is often little evidence that better grades would have been achieved had the hardship not have occurred. Even if you understand the reason for the bad grades, often there is no reason to assume grades would have been higher had the difficult circumstances not occurred.
Sometimes it does make sense for the guidence counselor to provide a context within which to understand a negative in the record but that is true only sometimes. I’d suggest the GC explain if there is near certainty that the situation won’t reoccur and only if there is some evidence that the student’s achievement is usually much higher. Another situation worth explaining is one bad mark due to a transgression (say, cheating) on the part of the student if there is reason to believe (and the guidence counselor can explain this) that the situation would not reoccur (ie, because the student took full responsibility.) Students should not waste their precious words on negatives. In situations where context can make a difference, it is usually best for the GC to provide it.
You are smart to ask this and you sound like a strong, sensible person. So sorry for everything. Agree that this is absolutely appropriate for a GC to write in the rec. If you choose to mention it, be sure to frame it in a way that shows how you learned and how it helped you be a better person. Without wishing to sound flip, adcoms have seen tragedy essays many times. What do you want them to know about you, apart from the bad things in your life? That should be the focus of your essays. Good luck.