I also used to do alumni interviews for an Ivy and I wouldn’t ding a student for this. In my letter I would maybe talk about how enthusiastic they were about the subject that i couldn’t redirect them from (without mentioning that I couldn’t redirect them!)
I only had one interview where I felt the kid wasn’t a good fit for the school and that was because his interests didn’t line up with the college’s offerings and he really didn’t seem interested in the college he was interviewing for.
Similar situation, different circumstances. DS22 can write the pants off an essay prompt but in person… He’s on the spectrum and comes off verbally as either otherworldly brilliant or scratch your head puzzling. I walk the dogs whenever he has had a zoom interview. We are prepping for an in person event for a competitive scholarship where the parents and kiddos are separated and he will have to interact in a group discussion/q&a/debate format with other invited students. I am literally losing sleep over this and he is just like ‘meh’. Cracks me up. We are in contact with his school’s debate coach for ideas of what we can do to prep as a family over the break. I take solace in knowing he will be showing his most genuine self. If the school doesn’t find value in that coupled with how difficult it is for him to go out of his comfort zone to even navigate this event… nicest thing to say is that it’s obviously not a fit.
Short version: I feel your pain. And DS is 6/6 in admits so keep the faith.
My only suggestion is that she makes sure to send a follow up thank you to the interviewer (if she has a contact) - in this short note/email she can mention she was nervous, reiterate her interest and thank the interviewer for their time/understanding/insight - what ever resonated with your daughter.
parents should stay away. If it’s in your apartment, go to a coffee shop or something. (I also think it’s a little weird to have them in your home—stranger danger and all that). Usually, I invite the student to meet me in a neutral location of their choosing (I give them a few options). Once, a classmate told me her student was so nervous and she finally figured out that the mom was in the next booth. Don’t be that parent.
it is possible to be over prepared. The best interviews are where I hear them just relax be themselves and tell me a story that shows me something about them that is interesting. I don’t look at resumes or ever see the application unless it’s something they send me later to help me write my comments to school. I can always tell when a kid is over rehearsed. One question I always ask: what would make the school or your classmates’ experience better because you were there. Tell me something that’s not in your application. It’s a great way to slide in something that didn’t get covered in the essays.
always come with a couple of points (see #2) that you want to make sure I include in my notes. My job is to help the kids put forth their best effort. No tricks or tests. What do you want to make sure they know about you?
I try to make these fun. I love the kids who will deep dive into something they are passionate about where I can really “see” who they are. They get a sense of the school, experience an alum interaction and I get the info I need. Then it’s in the hands of the admissions office.
One aside, I once had a kid tell me he was fluent in Mandarin and Spanish. I speak both and offered to conduct the interview in one of those instead of English (giving him a chance to show off a interesting attribute). He froze. So unless you are TRULY fluent, don’t offer it up.
I should also say my DD21 had an anxiety attack in the middle of her firstinterview. Her interviewer was great. Let her take a moment to recompose herself and it went fine. I think most of us would do that. Alumni interviewers are such a small part of the whole portfolio and rarely do I know interviewers who are “out to get” the kids. (And those who are shouldn’t be interviewing IMHO.
I assumed it was Zoom. I am doing all my interviews remotely again, per university directive, even when the applicant lives down the street.
My university’s directives are that, other than introductory and closing chit-chat, the interviews must be conducted in English, which makes sense. Your point is valid though, as it happened to me when I was the applicant and the interviewer asked questions in Italian. Fortunately, I am proficient.
Duh. Good point about zoom. I couldn’t interview last year because my kid was a senior ( you have recuse even if your kid isn’t applying to my alma mater)
Re: kids on the spectrum- again, these are teenagers, and the interviewers are adults. I would not worry AT ALL. There are kids who have the self-confidence of a dancer/singer/actor auditioning for a Broadway show, and kids who don’t make eye contact and are clearly out of their comfort zone socially or aren’t good with chit-chat. As an interviewer, it was never my job to make a diagnosis; it was my job to try and make the teenager comfortable enough to 'life the veil" a bit on who he/she is outside of the classroom, and to expand a bit on what is in the application.
So don’t lose sleep over kids who are not experienced interviewers/small talk/chit-chat makers. Even if it’s for a big “presentation counts” type of scholarship award, the interviewers are looking for substance, not slick!
Remind your kid not to use profanity (there are a couple of terms which kids do not think are a big deal- the F-word, two different S-words, the C-word… but the interviewer could be 65 years old and might flinch) and not to lie and your kid will be FINE!!!
Don’t worry, Harvard is overrated. If they have to subject a 17 year old to a interrogation for the privilege of spending $200,000 on a bachelors degree, she could do better!
It’s hardly an interrogation. I have friends who interview for Harvard- they are chill and relaxed conversations, and one’s who focus on interviewing first gen kids from disadvantaged backgrounds are interviewing who kids who will be spending very little on a bachelor’s degree- in some cases, less than they’d spend on an Associate’s degree from their community college.
Sorry, I missed the part about your being in an apartment.
Your daughter has learned a lot from the interview, even if she doesn’t realize it yet.
I think for many parents, when we are in the thick of it, we forget a crucial element: Kids are going to do what they do. They make their choices, even if they aren’t aware at the time. You gave her all the resources to prep for the interview. She may not have availed herself of those resources, or at least not in a constructive way. She’s going to do those things going forward, or she isn’t.
The point about being overprepped is really important. The interviewer was probably not thinking “this kid is rambling,” but rather, “this kid is nervous.” I doubt it will influence anything. Great advice from @appasgrandma above.
Failure is just as important as success. It’s how we learn what we don’t want, as well as what we do. She will end up where she is meant to be. That was my takeaway after going through this twice with my kids, as well as working with students since then. Give them tools if we can, but it’s up to them to use them.
Just to clear some things up:
It was zoom and the time difference meant I was going to be home. I was not trying to listen, we just do not have a large house. We have a small apartment and we were trying not to make any noise ourselves.
The school was not Harvard.
I am definitely going to put in ear buds next time!
I think part of the problem is that the preparation (“I gave her many tips to read, listen to or watch”) may have made the interview seem more like an exam.
I would not suggest ANY prep at all for her. Tell her you made a mistake in making it seem like something she had to prepare for. Tell her interviews can be fun. Tell her all she has to do is be herself. And she should also have the attitude that she is interviewing the school as much as they are interviewing her. Mutual exploration. So she should ask some questions.
I would not make ANY comments about the interview you are describing, or even indicate that you heard it.
It is natural for a parent to try to help but sometimes our efforts backfire. We have all had that experience.
My D22’s first interview was by Zoom and she was really nervous. She said she couldn’t hear the interviewer at first so they kept talking over each other to get started then she misunderstood or couldn’t quite hear what the interviewer asked so she answered a different question entirely. It got better as she went along, it can be very awkward on zoom to really listen to the questions sometimes. Has your D shared with you how she felt about it?
I know you said you pointed out resources to her but I thought I’d share one that was helpful to both of my daughters. College Essay Guy has some podcasts, and we found the episode about interviews to be good. My D’s and I listened to it together. The biggest takeaway for both of my girls was to take some time alone to practice actually saying some answers to a few potential questions out loud and not just inside their head. Having a few answers or topics ready can ease the nerves a bit. You can find the podcast episodes on his website.
Best of luck to your daughter! And to you as well as you help her navigate this process.
Edited to add that I was typing as @compmom posted and we gave opposite advice. I just know what worked for my girls who like to feel prepared, and it helped them to listen to that resource and have a few answers ready to go so that they could relax more during the process and feel confident. Everyone is different so I’m sure @compmom 's approach would work for some as well.
OP - you have a lot of great advice here. I would second letting it go as a parent a bit and not go back to that specific interview. Yet, being a deep introvert and a similar kid, we prepared. I am 40+ yo and I’m still preparing for every job interview, writing down the possible questions and the outline for my answers. When interviewing in business school, we did countless “mock interviews” with peers. We did the same with the kid - he wrote down his points (not word for word, yet main ideas that he wanted to convey) and then we role played multiple times that got him from “yes” / “no” answers to something more conversational (before we did it, he also watched various “how tos” videos yet still did it all wrong first time, therefore - preparation).
Some kids do not need it (our oldest was natural from his very first interview experience), yet for somebody like our younger son it was very beneficial.
I understand that the interviews likely do matter (a little) for admission and if you just let her figure it out for herself she is likely to have some difficult interviews in the interim, which you really don’t want to risk. Does she have a guidance or college counselor at school who could do a mock interview with her and give her tips? That helped my son a lot, and that way we didn’t have to micromanage the process. There are also a lot of “how to” guides for college admission interviews. Maybe she can take a look and do some prep for the next one (i.e., thinking about how she wants to present herself, having a list of questions about the school, having answers prepared for typical questions).
I went somewhere in between extensive prep & nothing w/ my introverted not very conversational kid - we brainstormed answers to some of the most common questions & discussed what she wanted to get across - but just in a conversational way, not as a mock interview or anything. That way she didn’t get caught completely flat-footed by any of the typical questions w/out having thought it through beforehand at least once. She did a “practice” interview with a school she had originally on her list but which she had already cut (so she’d showed some interest previously & knew something about the school, but she knew she wasn’t applying there). I actually have no idea how her interviews actually went, as she did them upstairs in her room w/ the door closed, but she seemed relatively pleased w/ them. Most were with a student, a couple with admissions folks. I agree a lot of teens are very awkward and not very articulate and fortunately that for most schools interviews count for very little or nothing.
I just know what worked for my girls who like to feel prepared, and it helped them to listen to that resource and have a few answers ready to go so that they could relax more during the process and feel confident. Everyone is different so I’m sure 