When I was a kid, I just happened to be at a friend’s house when her brother was accepted to Harvard. He exclaimed with joy, how he had had an awful interview and he was so glad to have requested another one. This was at the end of the 70s, so things are much different now, and I think AOs are relieved to have reasons to throw applications in the reject pile. Hence our problem.
My D had an interview recently, which was her first interview ever for anything. While I gave her many tips to read, listen to or watch, she still managed to say all the wrong things. I think she was very nervous and too much was going on in her head to pay attention to what was being asked. She did not at all seem natural or herself, she’s applying for one subject but speaking mostly about a different one, she showed zero interest in the interviewer….I could go on, but it’s painful. This could be considered a life lesson experience, it’s just unfortunate that it was a school she was actually interested in. I’m pretty sure this has killed her application.
Now I have to make sure this doesn’t happen again, but as has been pointed out to me, I can be too blunt. I don’t want to make her even less confident, and she doesn’t even want to talk about it, but I think I have some valid points. How to tell her without further undermining her? I’m awful myself at interviews, so she has all my sympathy.
I did not intend to hear this interview and was not in the same room, but we are in an apartment and the conversation carried. Now, while I would love to leave it to her to figure out herself, we can’t keep repeating until she gets it right. Schools and time are running out. I suggest other people should try having friends interview your kids in advance, at least for those kids who are more introverted.
Most colleges these days don’t put much, if any, weight on the interview but obviously it depends on the school and if the student is meeting with an admissions officer or an alum.
I honestly wouldn’t worry too much about it.
The best thing students can do to prepare for meetings is to be themselves, and ask the interviewer questions about their experiences at the university.
Signed,
- “retired” Ivy alumna interviewer and committee chairperson
Were you sitting in on the interview? That may have been why. Let her figure it out, and please avoid being present during her interviews.
If she is simply telling you that she managed to say all the wrong things, take it with a grain of salt. They know kids are nervous.
No, unless it was truly terrible, it won’t sink her chances.
Is it possible you are processing things too harshly (meaning maybe expecting a polished corporate style interview, vs. a typical interview with a 17 year old)?
It would help to know the school, because a number more selective schools do conduct evaluative interviews. Regardless, there is nothing she can do now.
If she won’t do interview/communication prep with you, is there a friend of the family that might help? Or is an hour or two working with a professional an option?
No, you don’t have to make sure this doesn’t happen again. She has to learn to deal with interviews. She will have many more to come. I think you have involved yourself way too much in this.
You could suggest that she may want to practice an interview with someone who is outside your home. Not anyone’s idea of a fun time though. You appear to be putting a lot of unrealistic pressure on her.
PS. Usually a bad interview is more about the interviewer than the student. We all know that we are usually kids first experience interviewing and IMO, it’s our job to make a kid feel comfortable. Sure, some are more awkward than others, but generally we try to focus on the positive stuff.
Even when interviews were evaluative, I would never hold nerves against a student. And frankly expressing interest in another area shows some well roundedness that is appreciated at many universities.
Again, please don’t worry about this and put pressure on your child. When she gets to college, she can go to the career center to practice interview skills there.
At many schools, interviews are not evaluative but informational. So while she may have bombed the interview, it may not matter. When alumni are asked for feedback, it’s often along the lines of “how interested is this applicant in attending?”
Your D will probably have the opportunity in college to learn how best to present herself in a job interview, which is different from a school interview in many ways.
I feel your pain. This is a real dilemma in that you don’t want to make her nervous by suggesting she is doing a lousy job yet you would like to point her to improvement. I might start by asking her how she thinks it went as a gauge of her own interest in working on this. If it felt uncomfortable to her, you have a good starting point.
My son’s DS was not a fan of prepping for interviews. She said “Kids at this school talk to adults all the time. This is just another conversation with an adult.” I mention that because the more you encourage your D to chat with adult friends and family, the more comfortable she’ll be in this situation.
Like what? Nothing you put in your OP stood out to me.
I interviewed for Brown for many years. There was only ONE thing that could torpedo an interview (and I only interviewed in public places- the coffee bar at a library, a diner, the lobby of an office building with plenty of seating and privacy-- obviously this was pre-Covid…)
“I only applied here because my grandpa said he wouldn’t help pay for college if I didn’t”. And its first cousin “My parents are alums and made me apply, but I’m interested in marine biology and surfing and want to go to UCSD or UCSB”. And its big brother “I know I don’t have the grades or scores for Brown. And I don’t want to work as hard as I’d need to in order to keep up. But I applied and now everyone is happy”.
OP- make an effort to be out of the apartment (I assume you overheard a zoom call?) for the next interview and put it out of your head!
Even if your daughter doesn’t get into the school that she interviewed for, it is by no means the end of the world. There’s lot of fish in the sea insofar as college admissions go; she will find the right fit.
And, as some of the other posters have suggested, try not to hover or be a “helicopter parent” in the admissions process. Be supportive, of course: I found that my own kids could navigate the admissions process pretty well on their own, and my wife and I – plus the school guidance counselors – were there to answer any questions that our kids asked. It worked out well in the end for all involved.
No, but as I said we live in an apart,ent, so I could hear most of it. There was no avoiding that, as I was making dinner…
I was hoping for a casual conversation style interview, but I think she expected a corporate style!
I do agree that friends interviewing her would have been good practice. If only I had thought of that before!
Linda gaf, I think you are answering before you read the whole post….I did not intentionally listen, “I have to…” in the sense help her….she needs interviewing advice, but as teenagers are she doesn’t want it from me!
I would recommend NOT putting so much pressure on your daughter for these interviews. We stressed to my daughter that this was her chance to express her interest and get her questions answered from someone who had been there. It’s not a job interview where you have convince the interviewer you’re qualified - that’s up to admissions to determine from the application. I know some interviews are evaluative but I feel like even those are more looking at whether your child really wants to attend and is a good fit. It’s not about just saying all the right things. I would think if she shows interest (has a lot of questions ready) and shows she knows about the school and programs the interview will not hurt her.
As others have said I HIGHLY recommend you not be around when your daughter does these interviews - either leave the apartment or find a quiet place she can do them privately (maybe a room at a local library or school). Your daughter is probably nervous enough about the interview. Knowing you might be listening in and evaluating her might just add to her stress and make her “perform” even worse.
My daughter did quite a few interviews and how they went really seemed to have little impact on whether or not she was admitted. She did not get an interview at the T20 school she attends because she applied too late to get one. Didn’t seem to hurt her at all.
I interviewed for years.
17 year old kids are awkward, sometimes shy, sometimes hesitant, say “um” and twirl their hair when they are nervous, say the wrong thing, etc. That goes with the turf. Don’t overthink it.
Two no-no’s in a college interview- Lying (don’t tell me you are a Presidential Scholar when I know the names haven’t been released yet) or using a racist/sexist/inappropriate vulgarity.
Really that’s it. Being a teenager who hasn’t had much (or any) experience interviewing is not a no-no, that’s reality!!!
I would love to just leave this in her lap, but her school day is usually 8am-6pm and as the school is in Europe, the counselors are not geared to US schools. I was not planning on her going to the US, yet she was pretty determined to try. So I am acting as a counselor here, and not a very good one!
Thumper,
Interviewer: “what besides (subject) are you interested in”
Daughter: more about (subject)
Question: “Have you done this?”
daughter: “yes”
Me thinking to myself: “no you haven’t.”
Daughter: “I mean no….”
Interviewer, not noticing the correction: “okay, then.”
Daughter ended the interview!
Me: dying
Most adults love meeting my daughter. That is how she became so interested in US schools, as she met a University professor who really urged her to apply in the States. I would not say the pressure is from me, but from being on an official interview and desperately wanting to make a good impression. She was very out of her depth.
I feel your pain – as I think many of the posters here do, as well. I assumed that you and your daughter were both here in the U.S.; and I can appreciate the issues you are facing with the foreign guidance counselors and the differences in time zones. Good luck to you both!
I understand! It’s a very tough situation. BUT, please just assure her that this is not a job interview - honestly! She just wants to do her best to show she’s interested in the school. The best way to do that is to be prepared to talk about why specifically she wants to go to that school and why she had chosen the major she has. An interviewer might ask about experience in that area, but it’s totally reasonable for a 17 year old to NOT have experience and to instead have an interest. And the other way is to ask questions. Make sure she has some written down. What does your daughter want to know about the school, experience, etc? Maybe ask things like what type of student does the interviewer thinks is most successful there? What did the interviewer most love about their experience there? Your child is in a different county and I would think these interviews are a wonderful chance for her to get some first hand information about each school.
It really is OK. I have had students do a course correction on their answers, and also ending the interview.
My big pet peeves were the kids who clearly didn’t want to go to the school. My worst was a boy who told me the only reason he applied was because his girlfriend made him. His answers to basic questions was “I don’t know.”
Me: What’s been your favorite class in high school?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: How about your favorite out of school activity?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
Him: I don’t know.
You get the idea. It was painful and over in 15 minutes. I’m 100% certain your daughter did better than that ; )
(And, all I could report to the university is that he showed up for the meeting and didn’t have any questions.)