<p>If I said I was leaving school, I’d be kicked out of my house. Not that they haven’t done that before, but this time would be for good.</p>
<p>Marrying for the sake of finances is the most unethical thing I’ve seen on this board.</p>
<p>I don’t know if I mentained this, but community college is absolutely not an option in my parents’ eyes. And they specifically told me if I transfer, it has to be to “a school as good or better than Bard”. No merit aid in my future.</p>
<p>I got GREAT news today. My mom told me this year my dad will show $6,000 more on my FAFSA, so my transfer schools are going to think I can pay even more! And, better yet, my parents still won’t give me any! My dad isn’t even working harder for that 6K…he switched to teaching at a different voc school and they gave him more because no one else would apply for the job.</p>
. You are the 2nd kid on this board to post something like this. I don’t understand it – if you are over 18, attending a residential college away from your home, and paying for everything on your own – why would you even want to continue living in your parent’s house? I couldn’t move out fast enough when I was young – I stayed in my college town year round – and my kids are the same way. My son has been living on his own (and supporting himself) since age 20 - my d. returned to the SF Bay area after her first year of college for the summer, but sublet a room in the city near her summer internship rather than return to my suburban home. </p>
<p>And we all get along – AND I am paying my daughter’s tuition and housing costs at college (but not over the summer while she lives elsewhere) – and I paid my son’s costs as well for the first 2 years he was in school. So there’s no animosity here – my nest just happens to be empty because my little baby birds grew up, spread their wings, and flew away. </p>
<p>You know, if I was in your situation I’d be living miles away from my parents – and I’d be attending a public U. That is why my son will graduate this spring, on his own dime, from a Cal State – when he decided to return to school well past the time when parental support was available, he wisely opted for his in-state public. If you are at Bard, what would stop you from transferring to a SUNY? Or why not aim for merit aid and suggest to your parents to give you a call sometimes, if they ever want to see you. Transfer to some state or town where rents are cheap and find a place off campus where you can live year-round. </p>
<p>I understand that despite the griping you may love your parents very much and want to preserve your relationship – but you will know you have reached adulthood when you quit blaming them for your choices. Your choice to opt for private education (a luxury); your choice to return home in the summers and live in their house. </p>
<p>My first priority in raising my kids was to ensure that they were independent, employable human beings capable of supporting themselves if necessary at age 18. The second priority was education – if I felt that #1 was lacking I’d suggest a gap year. (Actually, it probably was lacking in my son, and in hindsight I should have encouraged that gap year – but I learned my lesson).</p>
<p>I think Calmom says it very well. And her experience at 18 or so mirrors my own. </p>
<p>Also, if you can support yourself and live on your own for awhile, your parents may very well come to respect you and your independence. This may even prompt them to help you out a bit – maybe not right away, but down the road a bit. That said, you can’t expect that or count on it, but you can count on your ability to say, I can do what I want when it’s on my dime.</p>
<p>They have no business dictating anything to you if you’re providing the funds yourself. Please weigh the short term angst and adjustment of separation vrs. the long term debt you’re accumulating. Go where you want to go, and let the pieces fall where they may.</p>
<p>I remember my mom making it pretty clear that I’d be gone at 18 ( at least that’s how I heard it…); I wasn’t waiting to be shown the door and left when I was 17. Of course this was in 1977, and she did “help me” sign up with the Air Force…</p>
<p>If you can tell me how someone can work through community college, support themself, and pay for somewhere to live, you let me know. I need a home during the summer.</p>
<p>It’s called a Pell Grant. I know several students who attend cc, work and get a Pell. Their school is paid for by the pell, they share an apartment and work at a rest. full time year round</p>
<p>Bullet, Mlevine can’t qualify for a Pell grant, or any financial aid. Her parents make too much $$ & she is not considered independent. </p>
<p>A full time job, with tuition reimbursement benefits, would be a way to escape an unpleasant, dysfunctional family situation & develop independence. It will certainly take longer to earn the degree, but having no debt burden will make up for that.</p>
<p>We qualified for financial aid. Our EFC was 19K. It’s the typical middle-class problem. My scholarships didn’t help my aid package at all.</p>
<p>I worked full time at physical therapy clinic over the summer and made $3000. However, $1000 + tax returns is my spending money during the year, I spent about $750 over the summer, and the rest is going to tuition. Sadly, I’m also working full time over the break instead of seeing my girlfriend and friends, just so I can throw more into tuition.</p>
<p>There are no full time jobs that will give me a tuition reimbursement to study Chemistry and Psychology. I plan on studying to be a psychopharmacologist, so I don’t have many non-degree option in the field. You have to remember, not everyone is going to school for Econ or Business.</p>
You work at least half time during the school year, full time during the summer & rent a room in a shared housing situation. When my son quit school at 20 he moved out of my house after about 2 months of full time work – he was earning about $25K a year; when he returned to school he did not qualify for financial aid, but after 3 years of working had saved about $10K and used that plus a half-time job for his first year in college. After spending that down he did qualify for a Pell grant, plus based on his GPA & other accomplishments he earned merit money so his tuition is paid for. </p>
<p>When my d. lived on her own last summer, she raised the money for her summer apartment by working extra hours during her spring semester; that included working hard every day of spring break. So she was able to pay the advance rent needed to move in; then she had an internship that was funded with 2 grants she applied for. </p>
<p>I’m sorry you see living on your own and attending community college or a state college as impossible; that is your problem right there. Rather than plan for how you will achieve a goal, you have a “can’t be done” attitude. There are all sorts of living situations available that don’t involve parents. You can move in with friends. I had friends in college and law school who got positions as apartment managers or property caretakers in exchange for rent – I have even known people who simply move from one house-sitting “job” to another and end up living in all sorts of luxury apartments and homes.</p>
<p>The problem is that you are also making some choices that will create further barriers for you later on, with the debt you are incurring. When you graduate from college, will you still be living at home because your monthly loan payments are so high that you can’t afford rent? Are you going to have a life saddled with debt and always rant about how unfair it was that your parents didn’t pay your tuition… when there are kids from families of far lesser means who simply made more practical and less expensive choices along the way? </p>
<p>I can see from another thread that you are looking to transfer to other expensive highly-ranked private colleges, when you could instead be trying to transfer to colleges that might offer you significant merit aid. I have a feeling that if I had told my son that he had to pay his own way at age 18 he probably would have ended up at Arizona State where he had a free ride offer – he certainly has a lifelong history of being very careful about where he spends his own money. </p>
<p>Yes, it’s “unfair” that your parents aren’t funding you when my daughter has the good fortune to have me sending checks to her college bursar for tuition and housing costs. But then again, it’s “unfair” that my d. needs to work for all spending money at college when most of her college friends get monthly checks from home. You need to work with what you have.</p>
<p>Mlevine, why are you assuming only business degrees are paid for by businesses? In many large corporations ANY degree is paid for. Including law school, BFA, and undergrad degrees in various sciences. A physical therapy clininc is not the ticket to tuition reimbursement. But a large corporation certainly is. Get going with some research, and I know you will be pleasantly surprised.</p>
<p>Like I said, I can’t get merid aid pretty much anywhere. My mom says I can only attend colleges BETTER or of the same quality of Bard. That’s why I’m looking at other privates that offer close to 100% of needed aid.</p>
<p>I’ve already talked my advisor; there are no companies that will pay for a student to do undergrad in chemistry, only for graduate school. The sciences that usually companies will pay for are engineering-based sciences.</p>
<p>As I’ve stated, community college is not an option. I live in MA, and the cost of living is huge. Every single one of my close friends are at a four-year college. You have to understand that just because it can be done in one state, doesn’t mean it can in another.</p>
<p>My friend went to one of the most expensive schools 20 years ago; he couldn’t get FA because he wouldn’t register for draft but was allowed to take one course a semester and work full time; he was majoring in something scientific and eventually got a job that paid well and was in his field. I think it took him about 8 years to graduate, but he got to hang out on a college campus all that time which is not so horrible…the college was willing to bend their rules because I guess it respected his position. Have no idea if colleges would allow someone to do that now if they were taking out a gazillion dollars in loans as an alternative.</p>
Sorry - I’ve been away from the computer for a few days.</p>
<p>I didn’t say that children are not credible. Nor did I say that the children are lying. However, one thing you may learn as you get older is that there are rarely two sides to every story; there are many sides to every story. And that doesn’t mean that anyone is lying. They just interpret facts and events from different vantage points.</p>
<p>And while you may be “smart”, I can guarantee that there are things about your parents, their pasts, their priorities and their finances that you simply do not know.</p>
You don’t get it, do you? If your mom isn’t paying, then its none of her business where you go. </p>
<p>If you were smart you would apply to a bunch of schools that offer good merit aid and the so-called “better than Bard” schools – and then after you got in you would tell your parents that you were going to Merit Money College. When Mom objected, you’d explain that you are out of money and need to save for grad school, so for financial reasons Merit Money College is your only choice. You’d make it clear that if Mom is the one who wants BTB College, Mom will have to pay the difference. You’d have the paperwork ready to show her exactly what the “difference” is.</p>
<p>I mean… how come you haven’t figured out already that the cost of independent living expenses for one summer is far less than the difference between attending Bard or BTB and opting for a state college or a lower-ranked, merit-awarding school? With shared housing at a maximum it would cost about $2000 to support yourself each summer – lets be very generous and say $3000. Would it really be that hard for you to find a college that is more than $3000 less than Bard or Bard-equivalent? </p>
<p>Your MOM is not the one in charge here - the person paying the money is the one in charge. From what you say, that’s you. </p>
<p>In any case, it doesn’t matter where your friends are going – are they all paying their own way and taking out huge loans as well? (If they all jumped over a cliff…?) </p>
<p>Your career goals require a graduate degree. You are squandering your ability to pay for grad school, by focusing exclusively on LACs and small colleges that will afford an excellent education but are in now way necessary to achieve your goals. </p>
<p>I have a feeling that somewhere along the line you aren’t really giving us the full story. (Maybe your parents are paying more than you say? ) I can’t believe that an intelligent college student wouldn’t be able to figure out the stuff I’ve laid out above. What can possibly be stopping you from saying “no” to your Mom if she isn’t paying the bills?</p>
<p>If you read what I said, if I don’t go to a “BTB” school, I can’t live at home during the summer or breaks. Thus, thats a problem. Also, because I receive finanical aid, merit scholarships are pretty much not an option. My EFC is 19K, so that means if the school needs to cost under 25K a year to really get any merit aid. I don’t qualify for UMass scholarships because I went to private and did not take the state standardized testing. I went through that with them last year.</p>
<p>I never said MA did not have state schools. I said the states schools would barely cost less than Bard based on the scholarship I am on. I think UMass came out to $3000 cheaper a year when they sent me my package.</p>
<p>All of my friends are being paid for by their parents, except for one whom is at BC in the same situation as me, except his parents make about $300,000 a year so he has NO FA.</p>
<p>I can’t say NO to my parents because that means I am kicked out, and then I have no choice but community college. I assume from your name your from California…MA does not have good community colleges like California and the cost of living is pretty high. I had a friend who worked 40 hr/w and went to community college and could not afford food if he wanted to pay his rent.</p>
<p>“If you can tell me how someone can work through community college, support themself, and pay for somewhere to live, you let me know. I need a home during the summer.”</p>
<p>Spend 2 years at Americorps, and you’ll get a stipened of about $180 a week plus at the end of your 2 years, you’ll get about $9,000 that probably will pay your community college tuition for 2 years. Get a parttime job of at least 20 hours a week while in community college (very doable. When I taught at a 4-year 2nd tier public, I had a student whose parents refused to pay for college. The student was working 30 hours a week, taking a full load, being active in ECs related to her major, and ended up graduating summa to a job making $53 k a year. This was 9 years ago and in a field --journalism – that isn’t normally that highly paid. Employers, though loved her because of her job experience, work ethic and journalism tallent) and work full time during the summer, to pay your rent and other costs. Share your low cost apartment. </p>
<p>You also could work 20 hours a week during the school year, fulltime during the summer, and go straight to community college as a full time or part time student. After you get your AA, transfer to a 4-year public. If you have top grades at the community college, you may be able to transfer in with merit aid. You also can work full or part time now and go part time to a 4-year public while living on your own (if the public is not in your hometown).</p>