I’ve probably posted this before, but we have done some sharing of expenses with one of our kids. He and his GF wanted to go on vacation during COVID, and didn’t have a car so invited me along. We split many of the costs, but I paid for some “extra” things.
Another time, also during COVID, we went on vacation with my husband included. Again, we “kind of” split costs, but husband and I paid for more. (We also got master bedroom and paid more because of that).
When my husband retires later this year, this kid and his SO will be making much more than our retirement incomes, so we don’t feel too bad letting them pay sometimes.
In another case, kids liked one place and we liked a better place. So they are paying half of the not as nice place, and we will pay the extra (which is something like an extra $1,000).
As long as everyone understands going in, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. Communication is key.
When I met the woman who is now my wife, her parents rented a house in Maui for three weeks over winter break and then organized a bike trip in China for the family. In each case, they said they would pay for a) her airfare; and b) all of our expenses on the ground (food, the cost of the bike trip, transportation within China, rental car in Hawaii, etc.). I was thrilled and have done the same for our kids and their SOs.
I’m guessing that ShawSon and his fiancee now have pretty substantial combined income. Both are graduates of elite business schools – she has a phenomenal new job at one of the big tech firms and he is a co-founder of a venture-backed startup. I’m guessing they can pay for anything they need. They don’t own a house and would have to stretch to do that given their Bay Area location. ShawD OTH broke up with her big tech software engineer BF and probably makes 25% or less of ShawSon and fiancee’s combined income (probably less). It may make sense at some point to treat the two kids differently.
Sadly the owner/manager hasn’t accepted us so the villa may be off the table—she has an hour or so more to accept. 
Oh well, perhaps not meant to be. She had no reviews either so perhaps it’s for the best.
I’ve never used VRBO, but I’d be hesitant doing something with someone with no reviews. I might keep looking. Good luck!
Yay—she accepted. Hopefully it will work out. We have until 2 weeks prior to cancel with 100% refund. This is my 1st time using vrbo too, so there are no reviews about me either. I’ve known many people who are very happy with their vrbo experiences and saving 40% and having more space is very appealing to us.
Great! Hope it works out very well for you and your family. Have fun!
I always use VRBO but I filter out places with few or no reviews.
Your kids sound about the same as my kids, Including D2’s breakup with her long long time boyfriend. D1 is up for MD and possibly a big job at another IB, whereas D2 is a first year associate at a law firm. Both D1 and I are subsidizing her. D2 is 5 years younger than D1, so D1 has been more of her mom growing up. I still remember D1 writing a long list thing I had to do for D2 when she went off to college.
Just curious why you are subsidizing a 1st year biglaw associate? That’s a lot of money for a single person assuming no huge debt.
We love to ski and both of our girls do too. H and I do 4 or 5 ski trips in the winter and invite D1 and D2 to come along as well as D1’s bf (D2 is single). All of our family (and D1’s bf) have the Ikon ski pass and we all have our own equipment. H and I pay for an Airbnb for whoever wants to join us. We get breakfast food and stuff to make lunches to take to the slopes and supply all the beer and wine. Depending on the number of days we are skiing we will go out for a couple of dinners and pick up the tab for all. If we are staying 5 or more nights I will normally make dinner a couple of nights. Plane tickets to join is are paid for by the adult kids.
D2 does have some debt. She didn’t start working until Oct(that was the first available start date), and she had to pay for security and real estate fee for her new apartment. There has been a lot of expenses the first year. It will be easier after the first year and her subsidy will come off. I did that for D1 the first 2 years she was working.
@shawbridge and @oldfort so sorry to hear about the breakups for your daughters with long time boyfriends. That is tough. I’m sure they’re appreciating the TLC and support you’re giving them.
I don’t really like to travel. My kids do. And even when I travel I hate the need to be “on the go.” That’s just not me. So I often will pay for my kids vacations without me as part of a birthday or holiday trip. DH and I have been doing remote working snowbirding since the pandemic. Haven’t really encouraged kids to see us because then I feel pressure to DO things. But if they want to come and understand that it’s going to be unexciting ( walks and dinner out is the big activity) I’m happy to pay.
Yes, when we travel, we try to do the things we are most interested in, visit with people and have sone good meals. Our days of trying to cram as much in as possible are long give (to the extent we ever had them). We are very much into enjoying whatever scenery/venue we find ourselves in. I love staying in national parks and drinking in the beauty everywhere.
@Himom, we like to explore place in more depth. I negotiated a deal where my client paid for me and my family and my colleague and his family to come to Australia as part of the consideration for my work. My colleague hired a chi-chi vacation company who organized daily activities. “Driver picks you up at 8. From 8:15-8:45 you tour the X. Driver meets you at 8:45. From there you go to a private tour at the Sydney Zoo. At 11:15, the driver takes you. to … " We like to go someplace and stay, talk to locals in various forms. ShawWife and I met some 18 yo Vietnamese young women (who frankly looked like 14 yo girls) who were college students and wanted to practice English and by the end of the walk around a lake, ShawWife knew that they were having sex with boyfriends but could never tell their parents, that they couldn’t be doctors because you should start having children by age 23, that they loved Americans and that the “American War” was fought not by them or their parents by their grandparents or great-grandparents who were mostly dead at this point, …” We learned about how they found jobs. Just really interesting. We loved to spend time in nature as well. Spent over a week days in Giulin and Longsheng in China. Spectacular places. A couple of ShawWife’s paintings alluded to the moutains of Giulin.
Similar, @oldfort. ShawSon hasn’t explicitly subsidized ShawD, who probably makes more than a young law firm associate, but he found first an apartment and then a house for Shawson, ShawD and her then BF, and a couple of other roommates. She and BF got the best room and probably did disproportionately well on the rent.
My dad has done some work for some great clients like Sheraton and others but refused to let them pay him so the gifted dad with great hotel rooms and 1st class flights, Tauck tours for wherever he and mom wanted and more. Most of his travel was compliments of grateful clients.
When I was in my 20’s I and some friends were at a beach when some tourist from Europe…professors… started talking to us. They were nice enough but I got the distinct impression that they were taking pride in “ getting to know the locals” rather than doing that ‘pedestrian tourist stuff”. I didn’t like that feeling at all….I felt like the object of an accomplishment not a person. I vowed never to exchange the “ favor” on my travels.
Interesting, @maya54. Our experience seems different (but again we don’t have the others’ perspectives). In the Vietnamese situation, the kids sought us out, though I doubt they were expecting to have the kind of deep conversation that we had (mostly with ShawWife). But, also, ShawWife is so extraordinarily warm, generous and genuine that many people want to have a relationship with her. (It sounds like a joke, but people have called her and said, “I’ve been courting you for months/years. What is it going to take to become one of your close friends?”) I’m by at least some accounts an interesting person (I have original ideas that the seems to world value) and we may be invited by another couple to get together as a result of who I am but we have lifelong relationships with these folks because of ShawWife. That comes across even when we are just walking along in Vietnam. In Japan, we were invited to the house of a woman we met (I think we started talking with her while walking around Koyasan). This fall, we walked up the Staircase of Santa Maria del Monte in Caltagirone in Sicily with a couple we were traveling with and stopped for lunch at a rustic restaurant with a very good reputation. After talking with folks at the table next to us, we went for coffee with a couple (two doctors) and they invited us to the house. Who knows if they felt the way you did afterwards? Possibly if it were just me (unlikely they would have invited me on my own), but I doubt it with ShawWife.
Wherever we are (home or travel) it seems pretty easy to get the vibe of whether others want to talk or not, and at what depth. There are enough people around that there’s never a need to push conversation upon those who aren’t interested. We’re as comfortable talking with fellow travelers as we are with anyone local (native or transplant). So many people out there, so many interesting lives and “takes” on the world.