<p>My lengthy reply got deleted by a forum bug....</p>
<p>but the short of it is this</p>
<p>HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS should be able to find plenty of time to research their own colleges, where they'll spend FOUR YEARS of their life. Use your parents for advice, but what happened to INDEPENDENCE and SELF-INITITATION? You may think you're being "a research assistant" but what you're actually doing is fostering a sense of dependency by your kids.
Also, I by no means mean that scholarship money is easy. I just meant that there are always other choices around. And the "you go where I tell you" attitude is detrimental for a family and the student. If you can pay 40 grand a year for Harvard, why not 40 grand a year for [insert lower reputation school here]. (For your information, I would choose Harvard in the unlikely chance I got in, but that's because of my own reasons, not my parents, even though my parents think I want to go there for their reasons...). Students should take an active role in their own education. If they did, I wouldn't have to spend 4 years in the cesspool known as "high school."</p>
<p>As a mom, I am in charge of something called "Parent University" at our public high school. We educate students and parents about all the web sources of info, we hold classes with speakers (admissions counselors,etc), mock SAT's and inexpensive prep classes ( for those who cannot afford thousands). So it is useful to inform students about web sites like this:)</p>
<p>When it came time for me to go to college, my parents had almost no idea what to recommend. Neither had graduated from college, and they didn't know enough about colleges to even discuss the topic. I want to have the best and most current info available in a few years when my kids start applying.</p>
<p>quote: "HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS should be able to find plenty of time to research their own colleges, where they'll spend FOUR YEARS of their life. Use your parents for advice, but what happened to INDEPENDENCE and SELF-INITITATION? You may think you're being "a research assistant" but what you're actually doing is fostering a sense of dependency by your kids."</p>
<p>That's all well and good for students whose parents can afford to send them to whatever cool school they dream up in their little heads, regardless of cost, but for most working families the choices are very limited. </p>
<p>I think it is a disservice to let the kid dream wildly without any sense of realistic expectations. Some parents here are determining what is possible and what is not. When the kid can write their own $42,000 check for four years in a row, then they can decide.</p>
<p>I am not sure exactly why parents are on cc, but all I can say is: thank God that they are! I have been amazed by just how generous with their time and knowledge various cc parents have been to me, a kid they don't know from Adam. We don't all go to great high schools with knowledgeable guidance counselors, we don't all have parents who know a lot about the college admissions process. For people like me, the cc parents have been an invaluable resource.</p>
<p>Here's another good tip for you Coldcomfort, since you are so nice:</p>
<p>Some colleges like to change the graduation requirements mid stream for students. (I think they do it on purpose to keep students in school longer, paying more tuition). This means that you should check on those graduation requirements EACH AND EVERY SEMESTER to make sure that you are taking everything you need for graduation to get your degree. And get as much in writing as possible. University of Georgia likes to pull this one and I can't believe that there aren't any others doing the same bs.</p>
<p>Did my daughter have the time to do all this college research? Not with 5 AP classes, choir and auditions, two plays, spending most weekends doing a significant volunteer activity (out of town), and being an officer/member of several groups. So she happily delegated that to me. I did not write her applications. I did not set up her interviews (or coach her on them). I did not communicate with her colleges. I did keep her on track with deadlines. I did complete the financial aid forms. I did suggest colleges to the list she already had. I did not choose her college - that was entirely her choice.</p>
<p>And FYI - she has sometimes posted here using my login.</p>
<p>Kami, you obviously have strong opinions about how things should be. Your opinions may fit your life but do not reflect the stresses my D faced. Almost 2 years later she still talks about how busy she was as a HS senior. She had a class before the regular school hours and needed to leave home at 6:30 am. Depending on school activities, she was not home until 5pm or later. She had several evening activities including playing in the State U orchestra one night a week from 7-10pm. On Saturdays she left the house by 6:30 am to catch a train so she could make it to class by 9am. She returned at 7:30 pm if she caught the early train; otherwise she was at the train station by 8:30. Sundays she slept in, practiced for auditions and tried to catch up with homework. January through March she was all over the eastern US visiting schools and auditioning for music programs. Since my D has an autoimmune disease, she did not have energy for much else. She appreciated help in researching schools, assembling application materials, scheduling auditions and tours, and tracking all the lost and missing documents.</p>
<p>I think my D demonstrated a level of independence and self-initiative. At the same time, she did rely on her parents for research and secretarial support and also transportation and emotional support.</p>
<p>Boy, this will teach me to poke my head out of the PARENT'S forum. :p</p>
<p>My Observations:
Most of the parent advice given on these boards has been solicited.</p>
<p>Most of the students seem to co-exist peacefully with and actually enjoy the company of the parents who hang here. I try to stick close to the forum designated for parents, but I do venture out occasionally.</p>
<p>I find both parent and student perspectives necessary to grasp the pre and post college experience.</p>
<p>And personally--since my kids don't have their own cars, or credit cards, or access to my financial and investment records, or a 160K+ trust fund-- the idea that they could get through the application and college process without a lick of help is rather ridiculous. I didn't stick them behind the wheel of a car and give them keys without guidance and instruction, either. Some things in life do warrant more involvement. I'm not going hand over my equity and retirement savings without a peep. Everyone has their own limits on what they are willing to sacrifice to finance an education.</p>
<p>That being said, I will certainly try to stay off threads where students are annoyed by parental presence. :)</p>
<p>PEARL - the change of requirements thing - usually the student matriculates under a college catalogue date - ie - the reqirements listed for that major in such and such a catalog are the requirements that the student will follow for that graduating class - unless they choose to follow a catalogue date after that - of if the student for some reasons falls way behind the date for their original graduation - or changes majors. Many majors change requirements frequently at many schools annually or bi-annually - part of the planning process to keep up with things. The student should have some type of major plan sheet that lists all the requirements for the major and for the date effective.</p>
<p>If what you say is happening - then I would certainly check with the policies of the school as to how this is handled.</p>
<p>If your child isn't motivated enough to look up colleges, then that child isn't ready for college. There should be a box on college applications asking: Did your parent fill this out? Did she register you for important test (ie; SAT, ACT)?</p>
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the idea that they could get through the application and college process without a lick of help is rather ridiculous.
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<p>lol--the application process isn't hard! Students complete their application while holding 2+ jobs, for example. Furthermore, for you to think that it's ridiculous is insane!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Did my daughter have the time to do all this college research? Not with 5 AP classes, choir and auditions, two plays, spending most weekends doing a significant volunteer activity (out of town), and being an officer/member of several groups. So she happily delegated that to me. I did not write her applications. I did not set up her interviews (or coach her on them). I did not communicate with her colleges. I did keep her on track with deadlines. I did complete the financial aid forms. I did suggest colleges to the list she already had. I did not choose her college - that was entirely her choice
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<p>umm, ok! What exactly are you trying to say?</p>
<p>How about a box that says did your parent PAY for any of your tests, airfare, moving expenses, tution, etc....Shall we just say that students who cannot finance the whole she-bang soup to nuts aren't ready for college, either? Those who demand to go where they want despite the financial hardships upon their family are also not mature enough?</p>
<p>What I am referring to is the FINANCIAL aspect of this process that goes along with the paperwork. </p>
<p>FWIW I have two students in college that have been extremely successful, so I guess they WERE ready.</p>
<p>Oh..and I'll gladly accept your diagnosis of insanity when I see MD after your name. :p</p>
<p>Some parents on CC are ridiculous. It's a little sad to read posts from parents bragging about their child's accomplishments and acceptances in an attempt to live through their child.</p>
<p>I'm not saying that ALL parents on CC are like that, but I've noticed quite a few are. I'm sure I'm not the only one tired of seeing posts like, "Princeton Mom Here! hehehe". It's like...get a life and get over it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
How about a box that says did your parent PAY for any of your tests, airfare, moving expenses, tution, etc....Shall we just say that students who cannot finance the whole she-bang soup to nuts aren't ready for college, either? Those who demand to go where they want despite the financial hardships upon their family are also not mature enough?
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<p>Well, when you financed the whole she-bang-bang, did you sit down and take the test with your child? Exactly! But it is clear that you sat down and filled out all the college applications (prob wrote a few essays). I, right now (this very second), have 3 applications on my desk and I refuse to let someone ruin my college application experience. It's a fun experience that every student must face, but that's not the case!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Some parents on CC are ridiculous. It's a little sad to read posts from parents bragging about their child's accomplishments and acceptances in an attempt to live through their child.</p>
<p>I'm not saying that ALL parents on CC are like that, but I've noticed quite a few are. I'm sure I'm not the only one tired of seeing posts like, "Princeton Mom Here! hehehe". It's like...get a life and get over it.
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<p>Which is the reason why parents are 'so' involved in the admissions process!</p>
<p>Parents on CC to check on things - ooo and to learn about college stuff - Kids on CC - ditto - but maybe to learn about 'other' college stuff too.</p>
<p>Kamikazewave, couldn´t agree with you more. I´ve talked to a lot of pushy parents on here. I constantly wonder why their children can´t look up the information on their own - if they REALLY CARE.</p>
<p>"Did my daughter have the time to do all this college research? Not with 5 AP classes, choir and auditions, two plays, spending most weekends doing a significant volunteer activity (out of town), and being an officer/member of several groups."</p>
<p>That made me laugh. I am out of the country without my family or any help applying to colleges right now. I don´t want to hear that. And I am/was just as active as your daughter in the US.</p>
<p>Parents: Read Newsweek. There is an interesting article about parents being too pushy on their children or just overdoing it together in the college process. Your kids need to learn independence.</p>
<p>I spend a lot of time here because I enjoy mentoring teens, and it's fun to help teens here through the college process. I also do this in real life.</p>
<p>I also am a rare parent who has enjoyed helping my kids find colleges that are good matches for them.</p>
<p>I remember a while back on the Parents forum I criticized parents for being on CC, especially the pushy ones, and though I've come to appreciate the informative ones or those generally concerned with their children's academic futures, I am also very annoyed by those parents who live through their children. </p>
<p>I even remember a rather recent thread that was something like "Rutgers... I think not." Maybe because I'm from NJ this struck a chord, but for some parent to have the arrogance that though their son [I believe son] did get accepted to multiple colleges which are ranked higher than Rutgers they had been upset by their son's choice of Rutgers. You know what, he'll be happy there because it's where ** he ** wants to be, and though money is falling through tough.</p>
<p>Well now that was a bit off topic, but anyway. I especially appreciate those adults like Northstarmom and others who have access to information that is factual and are willing to share it. But yeah, it's very strange for both adults and kids to access the same forum, but oh well.</p>