<p>Why are most of you parents so overly involved in your kid's application process? It seems like unnecessary hover parenting. My parents haven't given me any more help than paying for score reports and application fees and I'm not complaining. </p>
<p>It would be weird and overbearing if they wanted to fill out my applications, contact admission committees, or set up interviews for me, etc.</p>
<p>On a side not: The whole "S" and "D" notation is really creepy for some reason.</p>
<p>This topic has been raised a number of times. Do a search and you will find a range of answers to your inquiry. Very few parents are filling out applications or contacting admissions committees. They ARE helping their kids narrow the search, meet deadlines, visit schools and choose a range of reach, match and safety schools.</p>
<p>Also- the parents on this forum are very interested in education and, in many cases, are paying lots of money for their kids’ college education, so they feel justified in being involved.</p>
<p>If parents are concerned about their initial investment, why not say “we’ll pay n dollars of tuition a year?” If parents are concerned about the return of their investment and their kids future financial independence, how is babying them through the application process (and probably other stuff prior) going to help them make smart choices on their own?</p>
<p>Speaking for myself only, one of the benefits of CC was having a place to obsess about this stuff without imposing it on my kids. They ran their own application process, although I did do some proofreading (when asked), and in the case of my younger child some nagging, too (without being asked).</p>
<p>My kids did their OWN college ap stuff…completely. I didn’t even find this place until my first kid was already IN college and the second one was well on her way to applying. </p>
<p>One piece of advice you’ll hear a lot here (on the Parent’s Forum) is to NOT be overly involved but to provide assistance as requested or needed. Parents should NOT be doing all the work. The parents are not going to college…the kids are.</p>
<p>Now…having said that…there are a LOT of KIDS who come to these forums to ask us …the parents…about things related to college applications and the process and many of them say they are doing so because their own parents can’t or aren’t helping them. It works both ways.</p>
<p>The only time I see a kid complaining about other parents are too involved is when his/her own parents are not. Because it is the only way of life they know, they think it must be “weird” other parents are close and involved with their kids. It’s hard for them to imagine some parents would actually give a crap about what their kids are doing and would shove out over 200,000+ for each of their kids.</p>
<p>My kid is getting ready for her summer internship interview(s) next week. She actually respected my opinion enough to go over some potential questions with me. Am I babying her? No. Have I asked some of those questions to applicants? Yes. Why wouldn’t I want to share my experience with her to help her get ahead.</p>
<p>If more parents are involved with their kids, we wouldn’t see as many kids on CC asking the same question over and over again. How many times have I thought, “Where the heck are your parents, why have you not had this discussion with your parents already?” The answer is probably that the parents are not available or able to help out.</p>
<p>Hmm…I have to admit I am very involved with my son’s application process. He picked the universities, I suggested one or two more that I thought he should consider and I did fill out his applications, although he wrote the essays 100% on his own and I made a couple of minor grammar corrections on them. I’m not sure why I like being so involved, but in general I do not consider myself an overbearing parent. Plus his applications were all to UC’s and Cal States so it was fill-in-the-blank, plus the personal statement for the UC’s which he did himself.<br>
My husband and I will not be paying for son’s college, nor do we expect anything from him after he graduates. I would just like him to have the best opportunities out there. That’s about it I guess. Nothing more or less. :)</p>
<p>FRom the VERY few kids I know that had parents that were totally hands off in the process, seems the kids floundered ALOT, got WAY over their heads in debt, made a few unwise choices and most returned home either after first semester or the first year. The kids with “hovering” parents seemed much more settled the first year and solidly secure year 2 and onwards. Perhaps the eyes of 40+ years and raising a particular child, parents can offer substantial wisdom that perhaps turns out to be quite valuable in the end.We aren’t looking at the world with rose colored glasses most 17-18 year olds wear in choosing a place to live for 4 years.</p>
<p>OP-my parents are NOT involved at all in this process and CC has been my lifesaver. All the parents on here are going through the same thing I am. We can talk about the problems and solutions in a fantastic environment</p>
<p>Where I live, only half the kids even go to college-most to state schools. If I was navigating this process alone, I would not be where I am right now</p>
<p>@punpunun: I agree with you about the S and D thing; I haven’t done it once. OTOH I only have sons. Maybe if I had to type out the word “daughter” I’d feel differently.</p>
<p>To answer your question, we’re having fun. We’ve gone on four trips to tour colleges, had endless discussions about colleges and essays and the application process. My wife and I have gone to several road shows that my son wasn’t interested in. All in all, it’s been a great family activity. But never a necessity. If my wife and I weren’t into it, he’d probably apply to the SUNYs and a few other northeastern schools, and things would work out fine.</p>
<p>EXACTLY what oldfort and samiamy said. And it’s alot of money, our kids are the joys of our life, and we are going to help them with whatever they need. We truly care and want the kids to be in the best possible place they could be. We want them happy, fulfilled, and hopefully employment bound. Not going to fill out the application or write the essays, but any advice and assistance they need-we’re there for them. Also for any other kid on cc who needs help. I can’t count the number of times I’ve answered the most basic question on cc, thinking of what a bummer it would be to not have a parent at home who could help.</p>
<p>Now maybe you’re the type who can do it all yourself. Good for you! But your average kid is too busy with other things…and trying to find the best place to attend is time consuming and challenging. I highly doubt that my son would be going to the top level school that he is now (that he loves) if I had given him no advice or assistance whatsoever.</p>
<p>“So involved” could just mean (as it did for my high school daughters) an actually informed, full-service, personalized Guidance Counselor. (Oh, wait, What a concept.)</p>
<p>IOW, I never once filled out an application, called admissions committees, arranged for interviews, or wrote an essay. I provided reluctant & minor advice on essays, when asked. I helped with suggesting formatting for resumes/attachments, since I’m good with design & readability.</p>
<p>I did a lot of research, so I was basically a live encyclopedia configured to their preferences (majors, locations, campus cultures). Again, an in-house GC, supplementing what they did know already (which was often little). I don’t think there’s any law against that – technically or ethically or even emotionally. If they hadn’t wanted it, they would have told me they could handle it all themselves & would prefer to. I agree with the poster or two who recalls hearing, if anything, laments about uninvolved, ignorant, or terribly misinformed parents.</p>
<p>And I’m sure there are lots of students on and off CC who way prefer a parent with knowledge of options other than Ivies, than the many on here with parents breathing down their necks about how the Apocalypse is coming if they don’t get into one of 10 U’s. Because I was informed, I was able to reassure mine that Ivies or non-Ivies, publics or privates, could satisfy their desires & ambitions.</p>
<p>I think that the level of involvement of the parents should depend on the kid. I am a very organized, independent, self-motivated person and always have been: I planned my own Bat Mitzvah at the age of 12, making a list of all the tasks that needed to be accomplished, putting it on the fridge, and then telling my mom, every day, which tasks needed to be completed that day.</p>
<p>Thus, when I began the college application process, I did it completely on my own. My parents never saw any of my applications or any of my essays; in fact, they could barely remember which colleges I was applying to! They were of course very supportive, and gave me the money for application fees, but I did everything, and I liked it that way. My mother bugging me about writing my essays would have driven me insane.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I have a friend whose mother filled out all of his applications - he wrote his essays, but that was it. His mother says that he was reluctant to work on his applications, so she did them. For a kid like that, who might lack the motivation or organization to fill out what might seem like an overwhelming number of applications, I can see parental involvement being more important.</p>
<p>jym - my D1 (that’s for daughter #1) is looking at summer analyst position with IBs. Because I have a kid who is going through the interview process, I am a lot more considerate to new college graduates when I meet them. I see my daughter in them.</p>