Why did you pick the school you picked?

Parents Forum
41

<p>Picking up on GaDad’s post #13 and garland’s post #34…pretty similar to us.</p>

<p>We did not PICK a high school for our kids. They attended the only game in town, the rural public high school. There are not really any local private day schools in commuting distance, not that we could have afforded them or considered them but they really are not even in existence, other than a local ski academy (boarding school that day students can attend) which was not the right fit, nor could we have afforded it (not that either wanted to attend). We never would consider sending our kids to boarding school (as some in our community do) even if we could afford it (but could not). </p>

<p>So, we never picked what school they would attend. The only exception to that statement is that within our small community of towns, where there is one elem school per town, we did build a home in the adjoining town (were looking for a bigger home anyway) due to trying to get our youngest child an early entrance into K where the elem school where older D was at for K, would not consider it but the elem in the adjoining down would look at her (and did and admitted her early for K). But this is all the same middle and high school district either way. </p>

<p>I am glad our kids went to a school with a range of kids growing up, many who may not even ever attend college. There was a range of socio-economic backgrounds (though not racial diversity). Like gadad and garland, our kids’ educations were also supplemented in various ways such as accommodations we advocated for at schools that did not have gifted programs and so they did a lot of acceleration, multi-age classes, taking courses in the HS while in MS, several independent studies supervised by the school, long distance courses, and a wide array of extracurricular endeavors daily and on weekends (some associated with the school and many not). They also did enriching programs (not academic ones) in the summer, along the lines of their interests. </p>

<p>So, no, we did not pick their K-12 schools (though our elem school is super great and won a National Blue Ribbon award and I taught there before my girls were born), but my gut feeling is that many of you would not have sent your kids to our MS or HS, though we feel our kids were very well prepared for college, even if their MS/HS were not ideal ones. </p>

<p>I believe it is the student who gets into college, and not the HS from where he/she came. In that regard, in our small sampling of GaDad’s, Garland’s, and my kids, they ended up at either Ivies, other elite colleges or top specialized programs. And they excelled at those colleges too and were prepared more than well enough to succeed there.</p>

42

<p>I think the OP can put diversity as one of the factors.</p>

<p>I will point out that there is very little “natural diversity.” Local public schools reflect the local population make up. Economics (reflected in the housing costs locally) usually accounts for the “mix” at publics other than certain magnets.</p>

<p>Using NYC as an example, the degree of diversity depends on where you live.</p>

<p>[Racial</a> and Ethnic History of New York City - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_and_Ethnic_History_of_New_York_City]Racial”>Demographic history of New York City - Wikipedia)</p>

<p>In my case, the local “public” HS my S would have attended had 2063 students enrolled of which 6 are AA, 65 are Hispanic and 32 are Asian.</p>

43

<p>Our HSs are similar to yours, mathmom. S1’s HS is equal parts white, African American, Hispanic/Latino and Asian. Major SES diversity. Over 30 languages represented, knew kids in and out of his program. Similar demographics at S2’s, but a larger middle class population. </p>

<p>One of the things both my kids noticed in visiting college was how little diversity there was at some of the schools, even though said schools touted themselves as diverse. Having friends who are multicultural, multiracial, of every religious belief and philosophy imaginable – it is part of their frame of reference. It is one of the things that shocks my nieces and nephews when they come to visit.</p>

44

<p>Re diversity- our family is white- blue collar- lowish middle income- not educated- we learned long ago, that diversity is much more than skin color.</p>

<p>While we are very celtic/nordic in appearance, we also recognize that we know Native Americans ( and blacks) with red hair, that being from a Latin American country doesn’t mean that you don’t consider yourself " white" and differences like disabilties, economic status, sexual orientation- etc, aren’t usually visually apparent.</p>

<p>I heard a funny anecdote at book group the other day, one parent of a new freshman in college was talking about how her kids( when younger) had to ask who Jesus was, because they never had discussed the Christian religion and they had not heard of him.
This family is mixed race- ( who tend to jump on any slight real or perceived as racial in nature- but that is Seattle) & are very interested in racial diversity.</p>

<p>Anyway, her daughter had been very hesitant to talk about her campus with her parents, because her best friend in college was turning out to be not someone with a similar liberal background, but someone who not only was Christian, but Republican!</p>

<p>Shocker!
I just replied- well that is diversity, isn’t it? ;)</p>

45

<p>OP</p>

<p>1) convenience - NO, NEVER A FACTOR
2) cost - NOT AN INITIAL FACTOR, BUT WE MUST BE REALISTS & RE-EVALUATE EVERY YEAR
3) college preparation - YES DUE TO S1 NATURAL INTELLIGENCE NOT BECAUSE WE WERE TOP COLLEGE FOCUS
4) specific program at the school that aligns with child’s interest, etc. - IN A SENSE THE OPPOSITE – THE SMALL SIZE ALLOWED A “JACK OF ALL TRADES” MENTALITY THAT IT IS OK TO TRY & DO VARIOUS ACTIVITIES EVEN IF THE STUDENT IS NOT A STAND OUT.</p>

<p>S1 started K in private because the local school district refused to accomodate his gifted needs. Actually, they did not simply refuse, they stated under state law the district could have him repeat K & 1st until he was “age” appropriate (our state law states kids are not required to be schooled until age 7/2nd grade). S1 was reading at age 2 & staging sit-ins at day care. He clearly needed a challenge & private was happy to accept him. Ironically the same team re-evaluated S1 in grade 2 & wanted to place him with kids 3 years older for half the classes – ummm, did they think I lost the 5 page memo on why kids excel with same age group? – Did they think he wouldn’t be out of place moving between 2 separate groups of kids during the school day?</p>

<p>S2 started at public. He was expected to “help” the other kids because he was always done seat work early. He was bullied. He was a different kid after starting school. Behavior issues at home. </p>

<p>D1 started directly at private. We learned our lesson. Our square peg kids didn’t fit the mold of our small public district.</p>

<p>OVERALL – We picked the school that best fit the child. Currently that school is the same for all kids, but I am constantly re-evaluating the progam vs the kid and checking out other programs (public, private, cyber)</p>

<p>IMHO - BEST FIT = BEST SCHOOL</p>

<p>OP SELLING HIS SCHOOL – Be honest & enthusiastic as to what it has to offer. There is no BEST school for all.</p>

46

<p>emeraldkity4–in my opinion you have nailed it.</p>

<p>Diversity is always more than just a one way street. My S’s private introduced Anglo, uber high SES boys (think Ross Perot’s grandson) to AA boys from dire financial circumstances and visa versa. Anglo boys from single parent and/or poor, poor families got to be friends with boys of all races from very wealthy backgrounds. </p>

<p>All students were required to take Japanese until 9th grade. The school uniform had to be worn by all students.</p>

<p>The “plus” of this private was that it was a safe environment for all students, all students had access to state of the art facilities and beyond top rated teachers. In other words, a neutral and positive playing field for all students.</p>

<p>If a student’s economic circumstances would not allow the boy to participate in some facet of the overall experience, the school paid for it and did so without this fact being known.
Each sport had a budget that included money for any equipment that a student needed but could not afford. “Arrangements” were made so that every boy could be part of every social activity even down to buying dress clothes. In one tragic circumstance, the school paid for the funeral of one student.</p>

<p>On the other hand, every boy – rich and poor --had to do community service and not just some “prettified” upper class guilt type stuff.</p>

<p>My S’s GF in HS had a father from India and an Anglo American mother and they were Jainists. A racial, ethnic, religious, cultural “stew” does not just exist in public schools.</p>

47

<p>Will anyone admit to choosing a school, at least in part, so that their child will go to school with the children or grandchildren of the wealthy and influential people in town? I know a lot of people whose children do go to school with the kids of the wealthy/influential, but almost all appear to have chosen the school for an academic or a reason related to the best “fit.” I must admit that I’ve been envious that the lawyers who send their kids to private schools see a lot more prospective clients at their booster club meetings than I do (at our suburban public), but like I said, other than a few, I really don’t think the parents have chosen the school for that purpose. (Or am I WAY naive, 07DAD?)</p>

48

<p>If we wanted to live among the rich and famous, we woudn’t be able to send our kids to college. We feel like we hit the lottery – guys got into great public programs that offered things the privates couldn’t, we didn’t have to buy our way into a better school via our house purchase, and as a family, we can pay (albeit painfully) for college. We will be hammered when both kids are in school over the next two years, but we know we are very fortunate.</p>

49

<p>Well missypie- while my kids ( both of them) did attend school with kids from better educated and higher income families than either they did or I did- I really didn’t think about it that way.</p>

<p>When the kindergarten teacher from our local public, and the well known ( in her field) educational psychologist who was testing older D as part of a study of high risk children, both strongly advised me to look at private schools- my husband and I were puzzled as neither of us were Catholic and we really didn’t know what difference it would make to attend a private school.
However, neither of us had happy memories of school, and if we could make that different for our kids, then we would.</p>

<p>The school my daughter eventually chose ( my head was spinning from the ones we had looked at- she liked it - even though it seemed chaotic and messy & they offered her financial aid), came through as a very supportive and exciting place to be. While there were people who could be considered to fall under the wealthy and influential category-
I was so far out of the loop that others had to point out to me who these people were- but in a kind way, like when one woman was talking about the family selling their family business and everyone else knew what it was & others who " didn’t work" but flew around the world to stockholders meetings which was something I had never thought about.</p>

<p>But really most people were very down to earth and friendly- however- as she progressed through the school and it became better known( and attracted more families interested in appearances), we did take perverse pleasure in forcing some people to confront their preconceptions, as when my H parked his 1964 Ford 1/2 ton pick up next to their brand new BMW, or when they didn’t understand that he couldn’t come to evening meetings because he worked swingshift.
This was supposed to be a * gifted* school!
:rolleyes:
It was only later that we learned " really" big names sent their kids there, when D worked there herself, when she took a year off in college. ( and the fact that at least two families had bodyguards attend the school, freaked me out- but on the other hand- can they drive carpool?)</p>

<p>If I was doing it all over again, I probably would have been too intimidated to have her even apply in that case ( and it does make the giving campaign kinda weird)</p>

50

<p>I should point out- that was in elementary- in her high school- I think influential families are more spread out- while the mother of one of her friends is now the CEO of a multinational company ( but he attended the same public instate school that younger D is attending), from volunteering with PTA, I saw that sending their kids to the inner city public had even more families from very wealthy and influential backgrounds than the private high school.</p>

<p>In our area, especially when there is a big family business that goes back generations, families are looking for a way to have their kids be- not such a big fish, at least for a while- it isn’t very centered to encourage thinking that " you" are special because your parents happen to be successful.</p>

51

<p>I believe 07Dad has nailed it by saying there is very little “natural diversity” and that local public schools reflect the local population make up. I take exception to the “handpicked diversity” comment. It appears that Garland in saying that is taking a swipe at all private schools and implying only public schools can be truly diverse.</p>

<p>Au contraire. The independent school I work at and my D attends is far more diverse than the public school she would have attended if she were not here. And she has benefited from that. I have also had the opportunity to visit and evaluate several other independent schools in our state, look at key statistics, etc and there are numerous incredablly diverse private schools out there. So I would beware of painting private schools with such a broad brush.</p>

<p>In our area, school districts are community based - so there is no one mega district or public school choice. You attend where you live. And since the communities tend to be pretty homogeneous, you have some very wealthy and very poor districts, some of one ethnicity and some of another, etc, etc</p>

<p>Now all that said, diversity really didn’t enter into our decision of where D went to school. It was a nice side benefit, but not the driving decision which I mentioned in post 17 on this thread.</p>

<p>Believe me, I may have been one of the bigger skeptics on the worth of an independent school before I started working in one and was able to see and expereince first hand the differences. It was only after seeing what my D could be experiencing and learning, and how she would be challenged vs what she was learning and not being challeneged as well as she could have been that prompted me to explore with her making the change.</p>

52

<p>missypie–the student directory has a statement in it that warns the parents that the address/phone information in it cannot be used for anything other than school related communications. I guess that statement would not be necessary unless some parents had used it for a business mailer or some such.</p>

<p>When Lamar Hunt spoke at the dedication of the Stadium they donated, he mentioned that he had had students there in 3 different decades but that his favorite memory of being a parent was when he had cooked and sold the hamburgers at the Friday night SM games. Hicks and Jackie Miller Stewart (Henry S’s daughter) and others of that SES would be in the stands or at a band concert looking like “folks.” </p>

<p>Most of them just didn’t talk or do “business stuff” when on campus. They seemed to focus on their kids and the stories I heard were about what someone had done for or to assist an employee or faculty member of the school.</p>

<p>I do recall that in each class there were a few parents who were very impressed with the fact that their kid was a Marksman, but I’m not sure that was what motivated them to have the kid apply. The student HAD to be able to do the work and there are many examples where only one of numerous sons of a mega-wealthy family was admitted. </p>

<p>There is a legend about one extremely famous and wealthy alum who has been on the board and does a lot of the promotional videos for donations for scholarship money to the school, who had two sons and neither got accepted. My point is that even if the parent wanted to use the school for connections, the student has to have the “stuff.” </p>

<p>Until 5th grade, an entire class/grade is under 50 boys. And, the SES make up is no longer predominately the highest of the high.</p>

53

<p>berry…in some communities, such as ours, where there is only ONE HS choice, there is great socio-economic diversity. Admittedly, we don’t have racial diversity as the entire state is very white. But it is not as if all who live in the community are of a similar educational or economic or social background at ALL. Some of my kids’ classmates lived in trailer parks or subsidized housing or if their own home, it may be an apartment or a teeny tiny house. Some lived in a very nice house. Some parents were laborers or farmers or had blue collar jobs. Some had professional jobs. Many had parents who never went to college and some had parents who had graduate degrees. Two-thirds of the student body go onto 4 year colleges and a small number go onto quite selective ones but one third do not even go to college. I could be on the side lines of my kid’s soccer game and all the parents I conversed with there for years had jobs such as: farmer, lawyer, carpenter, house cleaner, shop owner, secretary, teacher, cashier, architect, nurse, accountant, realtor, business manager, doctor, guidance counselor, contractor, house painter, artist, auto mechanic, ski lift operator, resort worker, ski instructor, owner of a small business, pilot, country inn owner, waitress, restaurant owner, hostess, teacher’s aide, computer technician, etc.</p>

54

<p>Soozievt - no doubt what you say is correct. I am sure there are lots of communities out there like that, including some in my area. I am not disputing that at all. What I am disputing is the “handpicked diversity” comment which implies that a non-public school can not be as diverse or truly diverse as a public one is. In my experience, that is simply not true</p>

55

<p>

</p>

<p>Nope–I was answering someone answering me, who said that their private school is one third minority and seventeen percent scholarship students. I maintain there is a difference between a school where there is a diversity of neighborhood, as where I live, and a goal of diversity, augmented, I’m sure, but that small fraction of scholarship kids.</p>

<p>I’m talking about randomness–kids with different aspirations, kids with different SES backgrounds, kids with different abilities. And finally, I’m talking about going to school with your neighbors. I never said it was better, but it’s different, and there are many benefits which few of the private schools described here can, by definition, offer.</p>

<p>I’m sure there’s a wealth of opportunities that they can offer that our school didn’t. I answered the question the OP asked. We don’t all want the same things from our schools.</p>

<p>Edit: and, to be clear, the word “diversity” was introduced by the poster answering me; I hadn’t used it originally. It’s just kinda besides the point in our town.</p>

56

<p>

</p>

<p>LOL, Soozievt, your school wins the diversity of employment award…we have a shortage of ski instructors and ski lift operators down here (and not too many country inn owners either, I dare say.)</p>

<p>07DAD, I hear you about your school…even when I think about the couple of star struck dads who would admit that they wanted their son to go there for other than academic reasons, their kid DID have the stuff to get in…</p>

57

<p>07 Dad, my dd has taken all her SATs at St. Marks (reasoning and 5 subject tests as of this Saturday). Very supportive and encouraging environment on test day - definitely a plus in this homeschooler’s book!</p>

58

<p>missypie–the sight to behold is what the alums do for each other (and the school), even after having graduated decades before. </p>

<p>When Steve Miller played a couple of years ago at the school music festival celebrating its 100 years, a six grader who is a guitar virtuoso got to perform with him. Steve Miller and Rhett Miller of the old 97s (another alum who performed) will assist this kid. Same thing in various other fields. Tommy Lee Jones STILL is active and not only did Luke and Owen Wilson film Bottle Rocket on campus, Luke still comes back for homecoming.</p>

<p>HighlandMom–glad she liked her experience. It was great to have been a parent there.</p>

59

<p>garland - while no doubt in some areas, that diversity of neighborhood provides a pretty diverse community, in other areas you will find very homogenous neighborhoods. There is no single answer here which is why I objected to your handpicked diversity comment. </p>

<p>You say you want to talk about randomness, and I understand that but don’t you think there are kids with different aspirations, kids with different backgrounds, kids with different abilities at private schools as well? Sure, I will give you that the aspirations may be different in their diversity (i.e. all at the private may be looking at college rather than a blue collar job- but after all that is what this website is about) and the abilities while diverse, will clearly not be as diverse as at a public school given many private schools selectivity. But this diversity does exist and in my experience, in some privates you will find a greater amount of socio-economic diversity than you find in some public schools. </p>

<p>Again, my point is you can’t paint any of these with a broad brush.</p>

<p>Finally, yes, no doubt there are some benefit going to school with your neighbors. At the same time, there are benefits going to school with a student body drawn from a much wider area. Just like some students are attracted to local colleges who’s students come mainly the surrounding area, compared to others that draw students from all 50 states it depends on the individual. Would you have limited your child to only attending a college who’s students are 80% in-state or were you ok with him/her looking at an out of state college with a national draw? Point being, no one system / answer is perfect and it depends on everyone’s individual circumstances. What works for one student may not work for another.</p>

<p>I agree, we don’t all want the same things from schools. For a variety of reasons, for some students a public school may be best. For others, a private school may be best. I believe the OP is simply trying to find out the reasons why people choose as they do</p>

60

<p>

</p>

<p>I don’t recall whether 07DAD still lives in the neighborhood in which he grew up, but the statement quoted above would apply to that school district. As I recall, the public school district has 0% of the students receiving a free lunch and 0% classified by the state as “economically disadvantaged.” I’m pretty sure he’d confirm that his son had more socio-economic diversity at his selective private than he’d have had at his neighborhood public.</p>