<p>“Do you not realize you can be cool and NOT be an idiot?”</p>
<p>You can be almost anything and still NOT be an idiot.</p>
<p>Stop seeing the world in labels.</p>
<p>Raefless, I would suggest counseling to develop self esteem, confidence and social skills. Try your college counseling center, ask for social skills coaching, or try a self help group or a Toastmasters group…if you can swing it financially try Dale Carnegie. Also, sleep pattern alterations (sleeping too much or too little, or early morning awakening) could indicate that you could benefit greatly from student health and psychological services, to rule out a cause for these sleep changes. This would probably make a huge difference for future success. The very fact that you are worried about this indicates that you are working through some issues and that you have a desire to make things better for yourself. Join an organized activity focused on community service where you have to interact with people but where you are working toward a goal. Try asking people questions about themselves and really listening to the answers, then asking follow-up questions. A successful social relationship, for you, may start out with 90% listening on your part and 10% talking, until your relationship with the person develops and the ratio adjusts more toward 50/50.</p>
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<p>I have confidence and self-esteem, but I have underdeveloped social skills, partly because I never cared.</p>
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<p>Are you sure they offer that service?</p>
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<p>Thanks for the advice.</p>
<p>People like people who like people. If you cuddle up within yourself, of course people will avoid you. You gain nothing by being introverted.</p>
<p>I’m a “cool” (your word, not mine), extroverted “nerd” who is very social, has amazing people skills, and who has a variety of friends (introverts, geeks, nerds, cool people, thinkers, extroverts.) And my closest friends come from this variety.</p>
<p>Social skills will take you far in life. They’ll help land you jobs, they’ll help you build a network, and they’ll help you to speak in public.</p>
<p>Kill the pig! Drink his blood!</p>
<p>“People like people who like people. If you cuddle up within yourself, of course people will avoid you. You gain nothing by being introverted.”</p>
<p>ok really…do you understand that being introverted isn’t something people can help? it’s a trait. it’s not like i consciously choose to be introverted. there are ways to act more extroverted (like talking to more people etc), but why are you acting like introversion is a bad thing?</p>
<p>It’s a bad thing if he’s complaining about it.</p>
<p>Being introverted isn’t a bad thing, being socially inept is.</p>
<p>Why would I want to hang out with someone, when it’s always awkward? Don’t use being introverted as an excuse, because I know plenty of introverted people who I can have a great time with. Even though they prefer to be by themselves or with a small group of people, they know how to interact.</p>
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<p>Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound so bad. The point I was trying to make is that people avoid people who aren’t very social. Being able to communicate with others is hard to do for everyone. People tend to flock to those people who aren’t scared to interact and be social because it’s easier.</p>
<p>being introverted doesn’t mean being unlikable. there are plenty of people who don’t go out and don’t socialize much, but when seen they are polite and not judgmental of others.</p>
<p>You’re not in high school so stop thinking like a high schooler.</p>
<p>If you see college life through this false dichotomy you’ll be miserable.</p>
<p>If you graduate college and still think in these terms than that means failed yourself at college.</p>
<p>The more you think in these terms the more self conscious you become which weighs heavily on you when you interact with anyone who has social skills. When you put them on a pedestal and act timid and submissive you will be rejected because you let someone else see themselves as better than you. Just be unapologetically yourself.</p>
<p>far more easier said than done however.</p>
<p>There’s nothing more irritating and depressing than reaching out to somebody and having them reject you and be unfriendly. I think sometimes introverts tend to come off as uninterested in being friendly/friends, which naturally turns people off. (Who wants to spend time trying to make friends with someone who won’t be friendly?!)</p>
<p>Feel comfort in knowing that those who peak in high school will spend the rest of their lives wishing it had never ended. As a wise old adult, I have to say that the coolest people I know now were the nerds in high school. Stay true to who you are and be happy that you are so clear about what makes you happy and comfortable. Conforming is what the cool kids are about - being an individual is more of a nerd thing.</p>
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Don’t support his notion that people should be labeled.</p>
<p>I sympathize with you, since my son, a college freshman has some of the same issues. I wish I could find and post for you a recent article by Bill Gates, a self-professed nerd, in which he says that you should always be nice to nerds because you may very well end up working for one!</p>
<p>Why do you assume “cool kids” dislike introverted people? As if they were races or something. It’s just, If I go to a movie with some really attractive girls should I bring another cool friend along, or a person who would not seem to have a good time because he has no experience? It’s not that cool people hate nerds, it’s just that they’re not really qualified.</p>
<p>Another explanation: Why would Bill gates hire a nurse for his software architect position, when he can hire one of his experienced staff members? Is it because he hates nurses. . .No. Just go out there and have fun. Dance by yourself, join things without friends. Individuality is coooooool.</p>
<p>Cool kids don’t make fun of nerds like they show in those 70s movies. They just don’t talk to them because they don’t know how cool some nerd kids can be. ;p</p>
<p>When did we become a society where we’re not allowed to be…different?</p>
<p>They all expect us to do things like smile and say things like “great” even though you don’t mean a syllable of it.</p>
<p>Being an introvert is not some kind of personality defect. Introverts are also not weak or ineffectual or boring. Barack Obama, perhaps the most charismatic man in the world, is a famous example of an introvert. You should never apologize for being an introvert.</p>
<p>Even though college is more mature than high school, there’s still a lot of BS that passes for social interaction. Introverts are more likely than extroverts to feel drained or even repulsed by mindless chit chat. If you’re like me, you’ll go through a period of despair at the fact that even on a campus full of intelligent and passionate people, it’s still so difficult to make meaningful connections. At this juncture, you can either choose to turn your back to all the shallowness, or to lower your expectations and just learn to enjoy the banter.</p>
<p>Me, my partner and my six year old daughter are all introverts.It works well. If our daughter was extroverted it would be draining. I just can’t handle someone in my face all day seeking validation. And that’s what extroverts do. They seek out interaction with others to validate their own thoughts and feelings. It’s how they process information. So while an extrovert is likely to blurt out “I wonder what I’ll have for breakfast, do you think I should have eggs or cereal…hmmmm eggs sound good…but I like cereal…what do you think…I’m thinking cereal today…etc” and introvert would keep this internal monologue to themselves and work it out in private. I wrote about it here on my fatherhood blog [Introverts</a> are Not Anti Social or ■■■■■■■■](<a href=“http://www.straightdopedad.com/introverts-are-not-■■■■■■■■-or-anti-social/]Introverts”>Introverts are Not ■■■■■■■■ or Anti-Social | Straight Dope Dad | A Father's View on Parenting)</p>