Why do you send your kids to boarding school?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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Why have we sent our children to boarding school? Well…

Our local public school is reputed to be very good, but I could bore you at length with all the ways it falls short of the standard set by my own experience attending public schools, back in the day. We were deeply involved in our local schools. We could see the limiting changes curriculum brought about by the NCLB tests. Our children were bored, and growing cynical about adult hypocrisy. (The first time our eldest saw her BS really enforce the disciplinary code, she was entirely surprised, because she was accustomed to a lack of adult leadership at our local public school.)

I looked at our local school’s budget, did the math, and realized that if children began the year above grade level, there was no rational reason for the school to challenge those children. So they didn’t. Features of an essential education were not taught, such as grammar, how to structure anything longer than a five paragraph essay, and world history. Some things were done poorly; the writing program aimed to inculcate solipcism.

There’s a more subtle point, too. Our children are not obedient. The public school program spoke a great deal about the workplace (although none of the staff had only ever worked in schools), but the claims to educate for the “world of tomorrow” fell flat. The boarding schools our children attend prepare students to lead, which is not only the ability to speak in public. It also means to follow the voice of your conscience, even if it’s not a rewarding decision. Leadership means responsibility and work.

I have to run, but really, once we decided to go private, entry to local day schools is so competitive in our area, it would be irresponsible not to consider boarding schools. Our children wanted to go. They have grown immensely through their experiences. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

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@JustOneDad With respect to your “understanding bucket,” the thought occurs that, “one can bring a horse to water…” I’d normally refrain from such flippancy, but it strains credulity that a person sincere in teasing out the “understanding” you claim to seek could have spent much time on this site learning about BS “stuff.” You hope we will cut to the chase for you?

For most of us, researching those very issues for our own families has taken months, in some cases, years of thorough reflection, discussion, reading, meeting, deep-dive digging and discovery. This site offers a well-spring. It is hard to fathom how you could plausibly have spent much time learning about BS “stuff” here and come away with a “bucket” so under-filled as yours.

You have yet to make clear what it is you really seek to understand and why. Be specific and ideally have done some homework on such a broad question in advance. It is hard to take your quest seriously otherwise.

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I learn as much from how it’s said as from what is said. Surprisingly enough, that’s something that doesn’t occur to everyone.

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@JustOneDad Ahhh, well, that explains it. We just speak whale here. …though that is a pretty tonal language.

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Wow, I knew my parents were making sacrifices for me to go to BS, but now I understand that it’s not just financial. I’m so glad my parents are like you all and can see how much this excites me and are letting me go. They both had no idea about boarding school and were kind of unsure I think. I’ve really been taking the lead so they are letting me go. I asked my mom about it and she just said “that’s what being a parent is, you do what’s best for you kids”.

Going to boarding school, from a kid’s perspective is exciting and nervewracking and I hope I get in places! I’m so excited to be with kids like me and try different sports and be around teachers that actually care. The biggest thing is that I wish I could bring my cats.

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My reasons:

  1. Rural location made sports/music a real bear (1-2 hrs drive each way)

  2. Local school system ok, but not great, Son needed greater challenge.

  3. My 14 yo boy is ready to have mentors, coaches and teachers at a level higher than available here.

  4. My 14 yo boy is pushing away from me, as he should. My job is to find him the best possible learning environment and let go to a correct extent.

  5. Have you seen these schools? Be crazy not to enroll my boy is the opportunity presented itself!

  6. The financial aid available makes it a total no brainer. I will be eternally grateful.

  7. Stay at home single dad for 14 years was long enough!

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Well, JustOneDad, as posts above and many threads in the board indicate there are as many reasons for considering boarding schools as there are families in boarding schools. Boarding schools are great for some kids but not others.

What we want out of boarding school experience for my kid would be different from what another family wants.
Each on their own.
Even within one family, one kid will go to a boarding school while another goes to a local school because that is deemed the best for the kid at the time.

We are not in the business of converting or convincing anyone to consider boarding schools. We do try answer questions and help others using our past experience involving prep schools.

Other than saying that boarding schools are worth it for some families but not for all, I have nothing much to add. Everyone has to weigh in their situation and values and make their personal choices.

Some people like seafood while others can’t take seafood. I can see/understand why some people might not like seafood but knowing that doesn’t make seafood any less enjoyable for me.

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+7 @ProudLoomisDad

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It’s interesting to watch a person grapple with an idea that doesn’t fit their world view. It makes me think of the Texas woman who recently objected to the idea of a female president (http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2015/04/13/dallas-woman-posts-on-facebook-a-female-shouldnt-be-president/). I look at her in genuine disbelief and dismay. How could she actually think that’s ok? Maybe the OP can’t get his/her head around boarding school and looks at us parents like we’re nuts. Personally, I think we’ve spilled too much ink on this topic, this post included.

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The parents you will find on CC don’t send their kids away rather they sacrifice and allow them to attend BS. I’m not saying there are no parents who send there kids away, such parents exist but they are not invested enough to in their child’s education to invest time on CC in order to learn about BS.

Parents on CC care deeply about their children and put the development of their children ahead of their own desires to see them everyday. If that mean their child attends BS so be it. I’ve struggled with this personally as many parents here have done. My oldest is finishing up BS. My middle child just last week decided to pass on BS and stay home. My youngest says he wants to go to BS but only time will tell. If he wants to go and is fortunate enough to gain admission I will support his desire. I will not send him.

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@Parlabane The article… gosh, bibles and hormones… and… if that is the case … not being able to start a war, wouldn’t it be a positive characteristic of a president?

I’ll have to check… if the countries with female presidents ever started a war and won it - Argentina, Brazil, Bolivia, Iceland, Philippines, Malta, San Marino, Switzerland, Indonesia, Chile, Israel, India, S. Korea, … , Croatia, Serbia, Latvia, Nicaragua, Ireland, too many to count - Surely one of these lady heads of states must have started a war or a genocide for that matter. Aren’t some of these countries at war all the time?

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Let’s not forget Margaret Thatcher. Oops, sorry… off topic. :wink:

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@JustOneDad, your question should have been “why do my kids want to go to boarding school?” The response would have been the same, almost. After all is said and done, the door is open and they can always come home.

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@ Periwinkle… do you mind if I PM you? We are in a very similar boat that you were in and I would love some insight.

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@dreamcatcher3, go ahead.

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I think that there is a tremendous difference in the parental approach to boarding school depending on region. When I lived in the Northeast and New England, boarding school was seen as an opportunity that was for kids who were smart enough, mature enough, and brave enough to leave home at a young age. It was a source of pride for both student and family. In other regions, it seems as though boarding school is some sort of punishment symbolizing a dysfunctional family.

However, I think that boarding school popularity is being driven by students and not parents.

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@Heartburner…you are absolutely correct. I am from the West coast (and now a Mountain state) and people think we are insane to even consider “sending our kids away”.

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^^^ driven by the students . . . I see some evidence of a Harry Potter effect. One would also have to take into account the college admission mania and “prestige” factor of elite institutions, which has helped to drive up completed applications to BS, along with the lure of financial aid carrots. Still, a vastly small percentage of the millions attending high school.

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Why boarding school…

There are many good reasons why we parents want to send our kids to boarding schools. And the result is that not every case is successful. So there is no right answer to this issue.

I am copying some parts of what I have previously written here if it could be an answer. But please be reminded that I never ever underplay the value of public school education.

-------- copied, part 1 --------

I found my son was slowly but surely becoming independent. He was trying to make every little decision of his own. Does he have to do laundry today or tomorrow? What about haircut and homework?? All those little things that he didn’t have to/want to decide before.

I thought that was the beauty of going to a boarding school. Every kid learns to live with others, listen to them and do things that they don’t necessarily want to do. Eventually, they will be more independent and autonomous. Day in and day out, they will learn to manage their time with trials and errors. By the time they graduate from a boarding school, what they have learned will make them more mature, co-operative and kind.

When people around me asked me about ‘why boarding school?’, that has always been my answer. A good day school may help students more for the college entrance, the experience that they can earn at the boarding school is unmatched and priceless in that sense.

After all, that is what I want from boarding school life, more than the college entrance. In that sense, the parent week visit was relieving enough to make me feel we have made the right decision.

If I may add my humble opinion, (to the prospective parents,) a boarding school does not guarantee the top colleges for many reasons. It is the life and interactions with people around your child at the boarding school that should be the true advantage of boarding school. You want your child to be a good person, not the machine for the college prep.

--------- copied, part 2 --------

Kids have to deal with the emotional ups and downs without family presence. They need to learn how to cope with it alone. If kids develop enemies, there is no hiding place. They need to come up with a solution one way or another. When they make friends and spend 24/7 with them, some of them become friends for life. You listen to them, try to share pain and joy with them. They walk at night and look at the stars above. They talk about dreams and dream girls. And I am not paying just to have them look at the Milky Way. After all, it is the experience that I want to ‘buy’.

Having said that, I would be a little disappointed if my son goes to a truly mediocre college. But I would have no problem at all if he doesn’t end up at HYSPM.

--------- end of copy ---------

My son is a sophomore at Thacher School. It has a unique program called the horse program. Every freshman kid is required to learn how to ride horses. For many, it is their first time experience. Within only 2-3 months they do many things on the horse and some parents are crying in surprise and joy. What does this mean? Kids have had tough time learning it and during the course they learn to take a risk. They also have to take care of their horses every day by cleaning up barns and showering/feeding horses. I mean everyday in their first year. They would learn to care for animals as well as people. What’s even more important is they do dirty jobs that they would not have to do at home. This makes kids resilient and patient. I believe it will only make them stronger and gain strong ingredient for life success.

To be fair, there will be lots of things you and your child will miss by living away from each other. And you can also learn many good things at LPS. To make matters worse, spending a huge amount of money (unless you are FA)and worrying about the retirement fund is not a joke. Nevertheless, looking at what my son is experiencing there, I came to believe that boarding school experience can more than pay off at the end of the day. It is rather an investment than a sacrifice to us.

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“Smart”, “mature” and “brave”…check, check and…check.

Yeah, I’m not feeling it as being quite that simple. As with anything involving large numbers of people, there are the ones who are ecstatic about going, a middling major group who isn’t quite sure and a bottom group who feels it was ruinous.

These are formative years for the kids. Look at the post from someone who thinks the “horse program” was wonderful. One has to imagine there weren’t any dirty jobs needing to be done at home.