Why must this process be so soulcrushing?

Applying to College
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why is the whole process of applying to college so stressful and so killing? i find it to crush my soul.

i moved to the US about 4 years ago right after finishing the equivalent of middle school in my latin american home country. graduated from high school this May. average Florida public high school w/ a lot of low-income kids (me included). traditional program, not IB sadly. in the end i graduated top 3% of my class w/ honors w/ an ok SAT (1380) after taking progressively more rigorous classes (AP and honors) each year. the main extracurricular i did was a little satire page for over a year (junior to senior year) and i found it fulfilling since i got to comment on school events along w/ practicing video editing and graphic design, things ive already done on my own for the past few years. i participated in some state-level journalism competitions and i won the highest level in the original music mix category (since i like to make music. i love music in general). since junior year i was also part of our school’s literary magazine staff and although i wasnt entirely passionate about it, i did appreciate the work i did making magazine submissions, promotional club posters and doing cutouts of student art and correcting them digitally so they can be put in the magazine. i also generally just served as an assistant for the editor-in-chief since the rest of the magazine staff didnt do a lot of stuff around senior year so it was mostly me and her working on the magazine. then i also had all the honors that i think are more common like NHS, spanish honor society, questbridge prep scholar and national college match finalist. not national merit finalist sadly since i didnt do great in the PSAT (it is quite frustrating that my school didn’t emphasize its importance. i felt unprepared. and then for the junior year SAT i felt angry that i found out we were gonna take only like a few weeks in advance.) did community service too although i frankly didnt find it very fulfilling. partly did it because i thought i could qualify for florida’s bright futures program, but after doing it for a while i found out i don’t due to my immigration status. so there’s that.

here’s the twist: senior year i didn’t actually apply for any colleges. yeah, i knew it was happening. hearing others talk about it filled me with dread, because i didnt know what to do and i hadnt researched colleges at all. i was frozen in fear because it felt like it was too late. and so i just never applied — well, except for one irrelevant exception where i applied last-minute to a mediocre in-state public, but then got my application cancelled since i didnt pay the admissions deposit because that’s too much commitment for me — but i just never figured it out. i let my own fear cloud my judgment until i saw the opportunity pass me by in front of me, seeing all the instagram stories of classmates getting into colleges, hearing all the convos about college, all of them clearly deeper into the process than i ever was.

since i immigrated to the united states, i am not a citizen, nor am i any of the categories of non-citizens who are eligible for federal financial aid. i’m merely a lawful immigrant. that sucks… given florida law, though, at least i do qualify for in-state tuition.

i just find myself so overwhelmed with all these aspects of my life that i must work on; i have to figure out what college to go to and i have to figure out what major i want to get and i have to figure out what aid i qualify for and the list just goes on and on… all these infinite choices to make almost make me wish i had no choice. but no liberty sounds just as tormenting as the liberty i have.

during senior year i applied for some local scholarships (which i applied for on the last day after procrastinating because i was just so frozen in fear about it) and i won a pretty decent amount of money. well, it’s only decent since most of it can only be used at my local community college; those are the terms of most my scholarships that i won. so i went w/ my family a bunch of times these past few weeks and yeah, it’s likely gonna be cheap if i go to that cc, and i could still enroll for this fall term if i just register for classes. and so my family’s been asking me when im gonna do that. but i dont know when, because by asking me that im basically being asked to choose what degree i want. to me that’s basically being asked what i want to do with my life and i dont know how to answer that, ergo i dont know what classes to register for and ive just been putting it off since because of all those doubts and fears.

plus, i think maybe id like to wait until august so i can apply to all the colleges i want, since i never got around to doing that last year. this option would allow for me to come up with a college list between now and then and maybe id get a better idea of what major im seeking, even though ill probably be just as clueless as i am now. given that i do not qualify for federal financial aid and that is unlikely to change in the coming few years, along with my decent academics, im thinking i want to apply to a mix of not-that-prestigious in-state public colleges that would be easier to get into and would give me merit scholarships (including that one supposedly mediocre one that i applied to last-minute) and some more prestigious colleges, including ivy leagues. if they accepted me, it is my understanding that i would have to pay zilch given my family’s low income. but i need to keep researching that.

another one of my worries is that i don’t want to become useless. i know i shouldnt be comparing myself like this but it just feels like all my friends around me are doing something, whether it’s enlisting for the military, working the internships they landed or just… something. and i’m just here — yeah, i was checking out that community college but now ive just been spending most of the day doing really nothing other than playing videogames with friends or mind-numbingly scrolling through youtube and instagram on my phone. all because it’s easier to wallow in these distractions instead of facing the painful issue at hand. even now that i’m simply aware of all the things i have to do, it causes this void in my stomach.

and probably my biggest worry, next to the whole issue of paying for college, is just being successful. the primary reason i am pursuing post-secondary education is that i know it secures me for higher-paying jobs. but even then there’s all the horror stories of people who get their degree only to be stuck in some crappy job with crushing debt. i want to work in something that i want to do but i also want to make enough money to be financially comfortable and i dont want to fail at that. im grateful for these opportunities my parents are giving me, but the pressure is crushing me so hard and i keep using distractions to cope with the pain.

i just want some help. i’ve lurked around here a little and you guys seem to know about the process. i don’t even know if this is the right forum. sorry if not. and sorry that this post is such a mess to read.

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So…enroll at your local community college. Go talk to them ASAP. There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting there, and moving on. You might find a two year degree course of study you like. Or you can take general education courses towards a bachelors.

So…

  1. Go and talk to the community college about enrolling in the fall. Most community colleges have open enrollment…but you need to check.

  2. Make an appointment to see the transfer advisor also. You want to make sure your course choices will transfer to a four year college with an articulation agreement with the community college.

Don’t fret! Getting a college degree is not a race. It’s a journey. Some people work full time and take classes part time. Or work part time and take classes part time…or any combo you can think of.

You can get a degree! You can!

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It feels as if you are thinking about your entire life all at once. Is it possible to see a counselor/therapist to help you kind of narrow down your focus to only what needs to be done? I can relate- I was your age in 1969 when things were chaotic- but the immigration status makes things harder.

First, maybe get a job now. That helps organize your thoughts and would also help with college costs. Anything- Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods. Mowing lawns. Dog walking. I honestly don’t know how that works with your immigration status. I know you are legal but what happens with tax withholding? Maybe someone else can answer that.

Second, you can begin college at community college but that will make you a transfer student. On the other hand, if you do two years at community college many states have automatic transfer.

You could wait a year and try your luck at “top colleges” but what will you do for that year? You are talented in a number of different areas- music, video, graphic design etc.

I know that college is now seen as career preparation but you can wait until the end of sophomore year to declare a major.

You can also look into some continuing education/extension/adult learner programs that allow for part time classes (as do community college and some state schools)- and work. (One of mine did that.)

It seems your biggest challenge is financial, due to your immigration status. Will that change? And some anxiety that is causing a lot of overthinking, that is understandable in your situation.

Keep us posted!

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Paging @happymomof1 who can comment about starting at community college. She might also have some insight into your ability to work here.

What kind of visa are you currently in the US on?

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Starting at your local community college is an excellent first step. You do not need to declare a major yet, just do your general requirements. Get very good grades. Join a lot of clubs, get involved. Talk to your advisor there early and often. Let your advisor know that you are an excellent student with good test scores and good grades. Let them know you are ambitious, that although you do not yet know what major you will study, you DO know that you want a 4 year degree, and are considering top colleges for this. I think you will find that in a couple of years, there will be many quality colleges that will want an excellent community college transfer student like you will be, and I expect many will have scholarships. Good luck!

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As others have said going to the CC seems like a good choice. This is particularly the case if you in one of the many immigrant categories that have restrictions on the employment of dependents.

Since you don’t seem to have a clear picture of what you actually want to do. You might want to consider taking a course on choosing courses and careers. These are available as summer courses at many CCs. My DD is doing one of these at the moment. Alternately, there will be books in your local library on career choice. Just look in the section that has “What color is your parachute?”.

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OP- there was a radio call in show about 20 years ago which was really popular, and the advice-giver used to tell people “If every night you bump your leg on a chair on your way to the bathroom in the dark… you need to move the chair”.

This is you. It’s not hard. Just move the chair- pick two or three community college courses that look interesting to you, sign up, and boom- you are on your way. You’ve got journalism/media experience so pick a writing class? You like making music- have you taken a formal music theory course? Do that. You are a fluent Spanish speaker- but have you read any literature in Spanish or taken a history course of the region? Have you taken any programming classes?

You can make an appointment with the transfer counselor at the CC to introduce yourself, tell that person that you are aiming for a four year college degree, and that you’d love their help making that happen. But you don’t need to pick your career right now, you don’t need to have everything figured out right now. You just need to stop scrolling on your phone, and move that chair! Just get registered for classes.

And I agree that a job will be a great thing for you. Don’t overthink it. Do you live near a restaurant, other retailers, know anyone with a small business who is looking for help this summer?

You can do this. Just move that chair. Nobody would ever accomplish anything in life if they had to know what the end game was before they’d even started. The trick is to start!!!

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You do not need to know your exact eventual major to get started at community college. There are a number of general education requirements that will easily take you through your first year (or two). In my state that major would be something like an associates in science or liberal arts, and is a transfer path intended to meet the general requirements for in-state public universities.

Don’t let your fears or desire for the perfect path keep you from doing anything, it is way to easy to get stuck and end up with a lot of regrets.

Many people have a year+ of community college on their resumes and find their path a little later. I’ve never heard of anyone who regretted doing this (even if they did regret the action/inaction that led them to this path). Even if you end up somewhere that does not accept all your credits, you will keep the momentum and school mindset going.

Step 1: Get signed up for fall classes. You could probably get this done within a week if your community college is anything like the one closest to me.

A reasonable course load, a part-time job, and get those applications in this fall, and you are on a good path for next year. You can do it!

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You are getting a lot of good advice here.

How much can your family pay for your education? Find out that figure. Ask them to be straight with you about the money. If the community college for two years then Bright Futures at a public university in FL for two years is the only way for you to do it, well then do that. Don’t take a year off in the vague hope that you will get a better deal if the numbers just aren’t there.

Go to your local community college and meet with the counselors there. Find out about what you need to do to get started. They work with students like you all the time! Helping people figure out their lives is their whole job. Ask about students who get transfer scholarships because of membership in Phi Theta Kappa and whether any of their students have received a Jack Kent Cooke transfer scholarship. If so, what were the profiles of those students? What would it take for you to qualify in the future? Depending on a major you might choose, which 4-year colleges and university recruit transfers at this community college, and do those transfers get any merit-based aid? Good transfer advisors have this kind of information.

As others have asked above, sort out any issues you have with work permission. If you can hold a job legally, then working for a while before starting college and/or working while in college aren’t bad choices. I teach ESL at a community college in Maryland. Most of my students are working at least part-time. Their jobs help them determine what they want and don’t want to do as careers, and help them stay focused on their longer-range goals.

Wishing you all the best!

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OP, this is what I take from your post. You feel stressed and you feel the necessity to figure out your life, which seems to be the source of your stress.

I’m a high school teacher. If you were my student, my first step now is to help you reduce stress. I would tell you that you don’t have to figure out a life plan just yet. Even if you do have a plan, the real world can easily shift it so much that several years down the road it’s nothing like what it was.

You do need some life goals though, which you do. You want to be successful, financially comfortable. I’m not going to discuss how money doesn’t mean happiness. That’s true but less relevant now.

With your goal in mind, you can draft a vague plan. What does “financially comfortable” mean to you? There is a wide range. Steady income to pay the bills + rental apartment + hangout with friends? Six-figure income + suburban home owner + family + vacation by age 30? You need to have a clearer define on this.

Next you can run some reality check. Texas has this reality check program for students, https://texasrealitycheck.com/. I don’t know if there is one for Florida. If not, you can use the Texas one as reference. After choosing the life style you prefer, this program gives you a long list of potential occupations. You can then pick one and see what education and training is needed to gain the required skills. If the path doesn’t fit you, go back to the occupation list and choose another one, until you find one that’s practical and attractive to you. This is what Texas high school students do every year (maybe not all but our district kind of requires the practice). You may want to start a spreadsheet to keep the information about each potential occupation you’ve looked up and their training paths.

Most likely if not certainly, what you’ll find is that you need to start from a community college or a four-year college, which is where you are at right now. However, after looking through the reality check, you will feel more securer as if someone has guaranteed your success. I believe this confirmation is beneficial to you now.

The reality check and exploring possible paths for multiple occupations will take a while, maybe several hours, depending on how deep you research into each career path. You don’t have to do this right now. Actually, I suggest that you make a plan of doing it on Friday, then take today and tomorrow to do nothing productive. You will play video games, binge watch videos, sleep, or whatever relaxes you. It’s like us adults taking a vacation. Take a brake from worrying about anything and you’ll feel recharged with energy to face life.

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Start at community college. It’s a perfect place for somebody who wants to save $$ on college expenses. And most community colleges have guaranteed transfer agreements with the in-state public universities in that state.

Community college is also a great option for someone who doesn’t feel ready for the on-campus 4-year university experience yet. Great also for anybody who’s still figuring out what they want to major in and all that.

The average college student changes their mind on their major at least a couple of times during their time at college.

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Also, a great way to save on college expenses is to take advantage of Modern States’ “Freshman Year for Free” program. Go to https://modernstates.org/ for more info. But basically how it works is this:

  1. You sign up for free on their website.
  2. Enroll in their free online courses. All the lectures are pre-recorded and online.
  3. After a few modules/lessons, there are “HW checks”, which are basically where you answer a few test questions as a quick check in for you to confirm that you’re retaining and understanding the information.
  4. Often at the end of every course, there are a bunch of practice CLEP questions to go through as well.
  5. One of the last steps in the course is to take Modern States’ online practice CLEP exam through their website.
  6. Once you pass that online practice exam, then you submit a request to Modern States to ask for a CLEP exam voucher.
  7. Then you use that electronic voucher (it can take about a week for them to send it to you via email) and go to the College Board website to sign up to take the CLEP exam for that course. Usually, there is a test center fee (probably about $25), which you pay to the test center itself. Most of the test centers are at community colleges and universities.
  8. Then you take the CLEP exam. And instead of $25+$89, it only cost you $25.

There are thousands of colleges and universities in the US that will give you college course credit for passing CLEP exams. And from what I’ve been able to tell based on looking up the CLEP exam course equivalents at the schools that my D24 is going to apply to, it can sometimes be EASIER to get course credit for CLEP exams than for an AP exam.

Modern States will basically allow you to take up to the equivalent of a whole freshman year’s worth of courses for free through their website.

So what you could do is, for example, take some community college courses and, maybe, take 1 online Modern States class at a time at whatever pace you want. When you pass the CLEP exam, have College Board send your score to your community college…and then it’ll show up on your transcript.

then later on, if you decide to transfer to an in-state university which has a guaranteed transfer agreement w/ your community college, your CLEP exams will get counted toward that university (with some slight variations, of course…not every 4 yr college will give course credit, for example, for passing the CLEP exam on Business Law).

You can look up course equivalents for CLEP exams at CLEP College Credit Policy Search – CLEP | College Board.

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So sorry that you feel this is all too confusing.

You can’t can’t get to the finish line (success) without leaving the starting gate.

Break everything into manageable tasks. Enroll in CC for the fall and start there.

Take different classes and figure out what interests you. You don’t need to know right now what you want to major in.

You can go to CC part time and work. You can take as much or as little time as you need. I myself attended CC for three years, then transferred and did three years at a four year university. I took gap semesters to work and travel. It worked well for me.

Or you can take a gap year to work, be involved with things that interest you, and figure out which colleges you can apply to for Fall 2025. As a URM with good grades and good course rigor, there will be a number of colleges that could offer very large scholarships.

You don’t have to figure out your entire life right now. Just start at the beginning and see where life takes you. That’s one of the reasons why high school graduation is called Commencement. Hang out here for a while longer and let us help you.:blush:

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I’ve shown both of my high school-aged kids this video and they’ve found it to be helpful in trying to figure out what to possibly major in for college:

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You should watch this one, too. This video has also helped my kids narrow things down a lot.

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First of all, do you have a permanent resident visa? If so, then for the purposes of applying to universities in the US you are the equivalent of a US citizen. If you are in the US on some other type of visa then this might be something that I am not as familiar with.

It is very helpful that you are considered in-state for the public universities in Florida. Florida has many very good public universities.

In terms of the process being “soul-crushing”, basically I agree with you. The way that top universities handle admissions in the US contributes a great deal to the insane amount of stress that high school students are subject to. However, you really do not need to attend a “big name” university to do very well in life. Harvard, Princeton, Yale, MIT, Stanford, and other big name US schools are indeed excellent schools. So are the University of Florida, the University of Massachusetts, the University of Alabama, and at least 200 other universities and colleges in the US. The vast majority of these you can get accepted to with a “top 3%” GPA, a 1380 SAT, and relatively positive references that do not mention the term “axe murderer”. “Progressively more rigorous” classes with some honors and AP classes will help your applications, but are not strictly speaking needed to get accepted to some very good universities (nor is a “top 3%” GPA, although again this will help).

In terms of ECs, to me it sounds like you did what was right for you, and did it very well. This is exactly what you should have done.

Life is not a race. There is nothing wrong with taking a gap year.

One friend of a daughter was one of the strongest students in their high school. Her parents were divorced and her father’s small business was struggling, both of which make it tough to pay for university. She studied for two years at a local community college (while living with her father). Then she transferred to a nearby public university with very good merit based aid (and still lived with her father – she needed a car at this point). I just happened to run into her at a store near our house about a month before she graduated. She ended up graduating university with a marketable major, very low debt, and very good grades. I was very proud of her, and can only imagine how proud her father must have felt at the time.

Many students start university without knowing what their major will be. Both of my daughters changed their major at some point during their freshman year (or right at the beginning of their sophomore year). This is very common and entirely normal.

At the point that I graduated university I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had a degree in mathematics and some software engineering experience, and no clue what to do next. I ended up spending most of my career working in a field that did not even exist at the point that I graduated university – I couldn’t have known at the time where I would end up because it didn’t exist yet. We all figure this out over time.

And life is not a race. The most successful people I have known have in general not taken the “shortest path” to end up wherever they ended up. We all try a bit of this and a bit of that before we figure out what is right for us.

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Are you sure you don’t qualify for Bright Futures?

" Nationalities that Qualify

You can apply for the FBFS USA if you live in Florida and are a citizen of the USA or an eligible foreign country."

https://newsnowgh.com/

Continue reading at 2023–2024 Florida's Bright Futures Scholarship Program (USA) | NewsNowGh -Traveling Visas, Scholarships, Work Permits, and Visa-Sponsored Jobs.

But I really think you need to change the way you look at college. You have a lot of opportunities but you have to put in the effort too. No you can’t go to a top 20, and you probably can’t afford to go to any schools this year except the CC (which is a great deal) You didn’t like volunteering? You’re not going to like working! You can pick anything to volunteer in to qualify for BF, from picking up trash to running a business. Really, you just need someone to attest to your hours. My daughter got hours for hanging up fliers at school. Took 10 minutes, got something like 2 hours of credit. You only needed 100 hours and you can choose to do 100 hours feeling miserable or 100 hours of fun things with your friends and classmates, learning a new skill, trying out medical opportunities or working with kids or animals or immigrants or whatever.

You’d have to apply for Bright Futures by August 31.

Some Florida Community Colleges have 4 year degrees (teaching, nursing, theater). Not all do but a few do.

I don’t think the process has to be soul crushing. Decide you are going to like the college opportunities you have (for free!) and don’t worry about what other kids are doing or where they are going to college. I wouldn’t put off going to college this year because something better may come along in 3-4 years. Live in the now.

My daughter had a friend who went the the community college near FSU with her friends, and it really was a good experience (lived in a dorm, did activities at the CC and at FSU). At some point she was able to transfer to FSU. She did not qualify (academically) for BF but was still able to get a degree.

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thank you everyone for all the advice and support. i guess i really overthink this whole process way too much and the resulting paralyzing anxiety doesn’t help.
to elaborate a bit more on my situation: yes as far as i know i can legally work since i have all the documents most americans have like social security and employment authorization etc. i just dont have a permanent resident visa/green card though. from reading through the US government’s page on eligible non-citizens, ive determined im not an eligible one; the closest thing i have is a pending asylum application which has been pending for approval for years and i don’t know when it will be approved if ever. im also a TPS holder but it doesn’t really do anything to qualify me for federal aid.

soon im gonna have to just go to my CC and enroll in whatever. i met with an advisor previously and she told me my first semester could be comprised of some pretty basic classes.
i guess what i’m wondering now is whether it might be worth applying to other colleges this August while i am enrolled in my community college. i don’t know what id gain from it or if id be applying as first-year or transfer, or if colleges would see my application differently given that i’ve just enrolled elsewhere; i mostly get the feeling that i’d just be applying for the sake of getting an idea of what colleges would accept me from my vague list and what kind of aid they might offer me.

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You can enroll in the community college and then apply for admission to a four year college for fall 2024. To be honest, you will get the best info from the transfer advisor at the community college regarding this. They have a good pulse on when to apply to four year colleges, and which ones will accept their credits. In your case, you need to discuss your immigration status with the transfer advisor.

I think I asked before…what kind of visa are you here on…and will you want to or be able to change to a student visa to attend college here (won’t help with financial aid…but at many places…you will need this to attend).

@MYOS1634 any ideas!

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Before anything, if you are a legal immigrant, check what you qualify for - especially wrt Bright Futures. I’m surprised a FL legal resident who graduated from a FL HS won’t qualify.

wrt federal aid, I thought Legal immigrant/Asylum pending was a category they considered if you had documentation and a number (?? not sure = @kelsmom ? )

Second, you don’t have to enroll in Community college this August (unless your local scholarships require you to - check whether you might be able o use them in January or next year for instance, if push comes to shove). Tell your friends you’re taking a gap year/semester to figure out the US College process, I’m sure they’ll understand. building a good list is hard, figuring out the finances also. CC will still be there. Even if you change your mind it’s typically very easy to register at a CC, you don’t need to decide right now.
If your EFC is 0, you want to preserve your freshman status because that’s what garners the most financial aid.
Do you know your EFC if it’s not 0?

At many colleges, you’re allowed to figure out what you like and what you want to do with your life after taking a few classes. You don’t have to figure it out BEFORE you start college. There’s even a category called “Undecided” or “Undeclared” for the many, many freshmen like you - and most freshmen also switch majors, from, say, Engineering to Business, or Business to Economics, or English to Political Science&Spanish, etc. Figuring that out, personal&academic growth, is a big part of freshman year.

You can take non credit continuing education classes (as suggested by @compmom) without jeopardizing your freshman status and the scholarships that come with it.

Any FL Community College has transfer paths and technical/vocational programs; if you were to enroll, you’d need to be on a transfer path (AA not AS or AAS) and taking general education classes. (More about that below).
TCC2FSU is another good program.

If you’re allowed to work, find a job that allows you to use your skills, or at least a job that pays well (go round restaurants and see where they need people).
Are you bilingual?

What’s your UNWEIGHTED and WEIGHTED GPA?
Have you taken Precalculus Honors or Calculus?
Bio, chem, physics?
3-4 years of Spanish (or another world language)?
Any AP or AICE classes?
What’s your SAT or ACT score?
What visa do you/your parents hold?

Some colleges have excellent financial aid for excellent students they want. However having answers to the above would help us figure out whether you’d qualify and whether it’s worth it for you to wait or not.

A typical 1st year student would be taking: Statistics or Calculus1 (depending on HS prep and strengths), Freshman Writing, a “doing college the right way” seminar, a foreign language class, and either a humanities/arts or science class that appeals to them (again, depending also on prior background). In your case, a Media Studies and a Music Appreciation classes could be good choices.
Because HS background would matter for that, having the answers to the above questions also matters for registration. (An random adviser may not realize what classes you’d take if you didn’t meet officially with your HS transcript).
Also, check whether your local CC has an Honors Program.

Here are some colleges for you to look into

and programs
https://honors.fsu.edu/
https://honors.fiu.edu/

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