So people who get assistance should have a cap on the level of opportunity offered to them? Fortunately, neither colleges nor society agrees with you. The catch-22 for you is that if the elite schools to which you aspire offered need-based aid for your income level, your daughter wouldn’t qualify for acceptance because the cap you desire for everyone else would apply to her too.
You can rail against the system as much as you want. It doesn’t change your situation. If your daughter’s stats were higher, there are some very good schools that offer merit that would bring the net cost down to your ballpark. It’s not the schools’ fault that she doesn’t qualify for merit and you don’t want to pay their going rate. You need to focus on the kid you have and find schools where she has a good chance of acceptance and whose costs are something you’re willing to pay.