Wisdom - From The Military Manual

<p>It's been a little quiet around here...</p>

<p>"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your
unit."</p>

<h2>- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.</h2>

<h2>"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher</h2>

<h2>"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S. Marine Corps</h2>

<p>"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are</p>

<h2>guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop</h2>

<h2>"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal</h2>

<p>"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just</p>

<h2>bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual</h2>

<p>"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never </p>

<h2>encountered automatic weapons." - General Macarthur</h2>

<h2>"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal</h2>

<p>"You, you, and you .. Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. </p>

<h2>Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.</h2>

<p>"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance</p>

<hr>

<h2>"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal</h2>

<p>"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever </p>

<h2>volunteer to do anything." - U.S. Navy Swabbie</h2>

<p>"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David </p>

<h2>Hackworth</h2>

<p>"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -
Infantry Journal</p>

<hr>

<h2>"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay</h2>

<h2>"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."</h2>

<p>"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown </p>

<h2>Marine Recruit</h2>

<h2>"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies</h2>

<h2>"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop</h2>

<p>"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I </p>

<h2>am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan</h2>

<h2>"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)</h2>

<h2>"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."</h2>

<p>"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than </p>

<h2>submarines in the sky." - From an old carrier sailor</h2>

<p>"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a</p>

<h2>helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."</h2>

<p>"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough</p>

<h2>power left to get you to the scene of the crash."</h2>

<p>"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying </p>

<h2>club."</h2>

<p>"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If </p>

<h2>a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."</h2>

<h2>"Never trade luck for skill."</h2>

<p>The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation
are:</p>

<h2>"Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S***!"</h2>

<p>"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot</p>

<h2>pregnant."</h2>

<p>"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully</p>

<h2>complete the flight."</h2>

<p>"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a </p>

<h2>row is prevarication."</h2>

<h2>"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."</h2>

<h2>"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"</h2>

<p>"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a </p>

<h2>person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."</h2>

<p>"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely </p>

<h2>kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)</h2>

<p>"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign </p>

<h2>over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970</h2>

<h2>"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."</h2>

<p>"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full </p>

<h2>power to taxi to the terminal."</h2>

<p>As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn
off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the
rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". </p>

<p>The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed
to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)</p>

<p>Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.</p>

<p>(Problem) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(Solution) Almost replaced left inside main tire</p>

<p>(Problem) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(Solution) Autoland not installed on this aircraft</p>

<p>(Problem) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
(Solution) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage</p>

<p>(Problem) Something loose in cockpit
(Solution) Something tightened in cockpit</p>

<p>(Problem) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(Solution) Evidence removed</p>

<p>(Problem) DME volume unbelievably loud
(Solution) Volume set to more believable level</p>

<p>(Problem) Dead bugs on windshield
(Solution) Live bugs on order</p>

<p>(Problem) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(Solution) Cannot reproduce problem on ground</p>

<p>(Problem) IFF inoperative
(Solution) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode</p>

<p>(Problem) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(Solution) That's what they're there for</p>

<p>(Problem) Number three engine missing
(Solution) Engine found on right wing after brief search</p>

<p>(Problem) Aircraft handles funny
(Solution) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious</p>

<p>(Problem) Target Radar hums
(Solution) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words</p>

<p>My personal favorite response to a gripe was "replaced the loose nut behind the stick".</p>

<p>My LDO buddy had a belt buckle with the words "pilot fighter". That was about right for those of us in aviation maintenenace. We all aspired to work in a drone squadron...no frakin' pilots! Kind of like now as a teacher I joke about wanting to teach in the orphanage...all the kids and no frakin' parents. :)</p>

<p>Ah, Spidermom, I understand. Fortunately, I am blessed with a wonderful crop of both parents and students this year! Unfortunately, they gave me tons of food for Christmas! Chocolate, anyone? ;)</p>

<p>Any merlot?</p>

<p>Hehe, yes it is a good time of year to be a teacher. More chocolate than even I could eat. Sadly, no merlot.</p>