<p>Consolation – switched them how? Used the 2nd one as his only one? Or re-used the first one as a supplement?</p>
<p>1) Kudos to your daughter for having essay drafts done early. Make sure she knows you are proud of that. Some hs senior (incl my own DS a few years ago) are not that far along in Sept. </p>
<p>2) Now she has time to refine the essays. It will be great if she agrees to work with an English teacher or guidance counselor or some other more neutral non-parent. She’s a teen - she’ll trust others more.</p>
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<p>He used the 2nd one as his Personal Statement and the other one as a supplement. Since the topic was an intellectual experience that really turned him on, he was able to use it as a “why X” by appending a paragraph that said “this is the kind of experience I want to have in college and school X is a place where I think that would happen.”</p>
<p>Essays aren’t as important as they used to be because admissions staff know that applicants are taking their attempts to coaches, English teachers, or parents and some schools even have classes for writing the essays. Ideally, the essay would be entirely the kids’ own work.</p>
<p>I think a good essay doesn’t help much, but a bad essay may hurt, all things being equal. A truly great essay might help a little. But the essays really aren’t, I think, worth all the stress they engender.</p>
<p>I think the biggest mistake students make is to try too hard, to be “creative” or “unique.” A straightforward essay is probably best. But if a student naturally writes in an effective poetic style, that in itself can make for a good essay, regardless of content: the writing quality itself can reveal character. So it depends.</p>
<p>I think it helps to remember that college applications aren’t entirely about getting in. They are about ending up at the best place for the student. That is the best argument for minimizing adult interventions that might change the admissions officers’ perception of the student through an essay, for better or worse. In other words, even when adult assistance helps a kid get in, is that a good thing? If a student cannot write an effective essay by him or herself, perhaps he or she won’t be that happy at that tippy top college anyway.</p>
<p>I know this sounds quaint :)</p>
<p>“If a student cannot write an effective essay by him or herself, perhaps he or she won’t be that happy at that tippy top college anyway.”</p>
<p>I don’t agree at all. Many students write ineffective essays not because they are bad students, but because they make errors in guessing what the exercise is about. It’s really an absurd exercise – we’re asking young people to write in a genre they have never read. It’s solid 17-year-old logic that Princeton wants to see proof of your wide vocabulary and pretentious tone. Heck, many adults make that mistake.</p>
<p>Now, if you can’t meet the deadlines without an adult hounding you, then I agree you aren’t ready for college. But this is a different story.</p>
<p>Some colleges my kids applied to ask the kids have a trusted adult proofread the essays, so not all colleges are expecting these essays to be 100% student produced. Any adult knows that other people are much more likely to see your typos than you are, or to see if something reads oddly. I agree with Hanna also that this is a type of writing that most students have no previous experience with. That was part of the reason why my younger son really enjoyed colleges (Tufts optional essay, Chicago supplement) that gave one an opportunity to be a bit more creative and less self-confessional.) </p>
<p>My older son wrote a servicable essay that did give a hint of his sense of humor. My younger son wrote essays I enjoyed reading. I think they probably helped him quite a bit to make up for his bumpy grades and pretty big gap in math and verbal scores. (He was a clearly verbal kid who nevertheless liked challenging himself in math and science.)</p>
<p>I concur with mathmom that I have read where admissions officers encourage reading and feedback from trusted adults.</p>
<p>The problem there is that the student can’t take constructive criticism. I wonder if you can ask her to talk to her aunt about that. Taking to a teacher is great too, but how much time can that teacher really spend. She needs to look at from a little more distance and not take it so personally. </p>
<p>Maybe it will be illuminating to read one of the ‘essays that worked’ books. Or there are plenty online from colleges. She can see that direct simple language usually rules, where flowery language is awful. Not to say that intelligent language should be ruled out at all. Ask her to read these so she has some perspective:</p>
<p>[Essays</a> that Worked: Connecticut College](<a href=“http://www.conncoll.edu/admission/apply/essays-that-worked/]Essays”>Essays that Worked · Connecticut College)</p>
<p>[Tufts</a> University Admissions Department](<a href=“http://admissions.tufts.edu/apply/essay-questions/past-essays/]Tufts”>Past Essays | Tufts Admissions)</p>
<p>[Johns</a> Hopkins University Office of Undergraduate Admissions: Apply, Essays That Worked, Class of 2017](<a href=“http://apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays/]Johns”>http://apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays/)</p>
<p>Reading and feedback that are general is one thing. But what goes on with many applicants is trusted adults doing a lot more than that, often ruining the naturalness of the original attempt.</p>
<p>I find a few of those “essays that worked” to be unbearably precious and unnatural. How many high schoolers write like Bread Loaf fellows?</p>