<p>Before my daughters EAs were due I asked if she'd like me to proof her essay and supplements but she said no, that she had been working with her instructors for many weeks (I knew that of course) on them. I figured she had written some personal stuff and didn't want to share it (kid has lived several lives and proves resiliency is alive and well!). Okay then, no problem.</p>
<p>Except, problem. She left all her essays, supplements open on the family computer the other day and I read them. They are all very good with the exception of her commonapp essay, I think its horrible. I'm no English professor but it seems really bad, both with grammar and content. </p>
<p>I really want her to redo/fix/improve her essay before she applies to the other RD schools but I know she is now starting on the pile of new essays due for January 1st apps. On top of that, she has a 4000 word extended essay for the IB that she is working on. Wow. How to tell her I read it? How to tell her I didn't think it is indicative of her normal work?</p>
<p>Don’t tell her. Ask who has read it.</p>
<p>Or just ask,“This essay was open on the computer today. Is it the one that you sent?”</p>
<p>Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. And if it is awful, you can bet that she already knows. There may be a reason why she chose to put a not-so-hot essay into her application.</p>
<p>It is the one she sent, that I know. She had mentioned that she didn’t love it, that the one she did originally neither of the instructors reading like it and she had to start over…I think it looks rushed and not of her caliber. Although that might be good insight in some cases, I don’t think she chose to send a not-so-hot essay, I think she became overwhelmed and deadlines approached and she sent what she had. But I do want her to improve it.</p>
<p>Why not explain to the “instructor” who has been helping her how you came to read it? Is this someone who you have compensated to help her? Perhaps he or she could be the buffer and make the suggestion that she at least edit it for grammar.</p>
<p>I had that with D several years ago although the bad essay wasn’t sent out. Their English classes do a common app essay as an early year assignment. She wrote one that was peer reviewed by three people and graded by her teacher. She got an A. I asked to read it and it was fine as a paper but didn’t reflect her personality at all. I tried to put a positive spin on it . . . sort if “you are such a unique person which such great qualities that I don’t feel are really coming out in this essay.” She grudgingly listened and ended up keeping the topic but reworking it to really reflect her. It took several more passes of editing but she was really happy with the finished product. She was not crazy about her IB English teacher senior year so that helped. She was happy to accept that that teacher didn’t really know her and what her best, most essential story was.</p>
<p>@Saintfan, sounds like a similar situation. Her “readers” were her teachers at school; her IB english class also works on the commonapp essay as part of a weeks’ worth of classes, so they are allotted about four hours in school to work on it and have it critiqued by that teacher and then one other one as well. The responses she wrote on her own time were much better. Could also be that she didn’t want to reveal her true self to the entire English class either. Just not sure how to get her to re-write it without hurting her feelings and giving up that I read it lol.</p>
<p>I edit for a living, so my son invited me to read his essay. I did not like it, and recommended that he make major changes before submission.</p>
<p>He didn’t change a thing and got in to his main choice. Moral of the story - ya just never know. </p>
<p>Either fess up or clam up I guess. If you want to fess up, tell her you would like to give her some notes for her consideration for a rewrite for RD. Most teachers just don’t have time to work in depth with essays.</p>
<p>I would vote for fessing up but presenting it in the positive. That worked for my D who was VERY prickly fall senior year and is a closed mouth introvert anyway. I really pumped up her great qualities which were hidden in the first essay and said that I love her and know these ways that she sparkles that the average IB English classmate doesn’t see. I was prepared with some positive suggestions on how she could keep her topic and her basic premise but enhance the personal nature of it. She seemed really responsive to that approach.</p>
<p>Perhaps let your daughter do something on her own for once? Just a thought… </p>
<p>There is no indication that OP is trying to run her daughter’s life. A an essay that’s perfectly good to an English teacher but that doesn’t show your kid’s particular sparkle can jeopardize admissions and possible merit $$$. I see nothing at all wrong with this mom wanting to encourage her D to take another crack at it to put her best foot forward. For what it’s worth. Our son had been writing and editing his common app essay and I sent him his sister’s 3 year old essay as an example. It helped him to see his sister’s personality in the essay even though the framework of the story was somewhat common (sports). As he sees himself in his own he is proud of it and feeling like he has really expressed the essence of who he is (he’s in the other room editing as we speak and has sent me several copies). His first pass was too 3rd person and didn’t quite draw you into the story that I knew was behind it. It can take an editor who really knows the topic (your own kid) to understand how it could be best brought to life to the casual reader.</p>
<p>@heyhey2034. Wow. That’s all, just wow.</p>
<p>For the more mature responders on this post, thank you for your input. Saintfan is spot on, everything she/we are doing right now is to increase merit aid, more so than increasing chances to admit to her reach schools. I’ve since read and reread the essay, double checked some of what I thought (I was wrong) were grammar mistakes (pastime, place mat) and decided that although I think she could do better, I’m simply going to say “since you have some time with no school tomorrow and I know you weren’t 100% happy with your essay, why not go over it and fine tune it a bit before you start on the RD supplements?” And then I’m never going to mention it again, lol.</p>
<p>I didn’t like my girls’ essays, either. I thought they both fell short of what they could- and should- write. They both did fine, one was praised back to the GC. </p>
<p>I always feel what’s important, in the end, is that the applicant be satisfied. It’s an anxious task, so we parents walk a fine line. It’s good to suggest the “fine tune.” But remember, she has time- tomorrow may sound like too soon for her to get back to this. You could suggest she take the next week to think about what she wants to do-- and she’d still have time to revamp. Best wishes.</p>
<p>I wish she could take more time but she really can’t. She has set up her schedule for the next six weeks in time for RD applications and its quite a schedule. Of the 8-10 schools she’ll be applying to, there are 9 responses attached, one for scholarship, the others for applications. This list could be substantially decreased (by 4 I think) depending on her Subject tests scores. She has to have a 4000 word extended essay draft for her IB diploma completed, reviewed and some work begun on final product. She also has several meetings regarding her Girl Scout Gold Award project and of course mid-term studying starts over the Christmas holiday break. Yikes! I’ve offered to take her away for a weekend once its all done so she can wind down. Hopefully she’ll be in a position to enjoy the last four months of school after mid-terms…</p>
<p>Ack - IB diploma senior year is no fun! It just keeps going through to the end. </p>
<p>OMG, that’s right, I forget that on top of finals, she has to take all the IB exams as well 
Well, this is her choice…actually all this is her choice (the IB, the GS award, so many applications) so I’m just trying to support her in any way I can.</p>
<p>On the upside, her first year of college might be easier than any year of high school lol.</p>
<p>I really disliked my d1’s essay, too. We (two English teacher) weren’t invited to read it, and saw it in a similar fashion. We just tried to stress tone, but, at that point, she wasn’t sure who she was, or what voice she had. (Which was the problem, I guess.) </p>
<p>The essay worked for some schools, and she even got some letters saying that her essay was a major factor in scholarship offers. These all came from schools with a particular point of view, and she is now a sophomore, loving life at a school that wasn’t on the radar until late.</p>
<p>So, I say talk generally, but let her submit what she feels represents her. She’ll get where she’s meant to go. :)</p>
<p>D found that - she also noted that the IB diploma helped her to know how to just BS and give the prof what they want on a couple papers for a required class. She said that she had gotten so good at interpreting the right essay response tone that she just wrote a couple papers in the prof’s voice. He loved them and she took her A and moved on to the courses that she loves.</p>