If your daughter seems unappreciative, please consider that what she may actually be feeling is sad, afraid, confused, anxious and grief-stricken at having clearly disappointed her parents just by being who she fundamentally IS… I think these feelings would be understandable from a young person who cares very much to please parents that are obviously disappointed in their child. Just because you think her outward presentation means she is unappreciative, that doesn’t make it so. It’s just that it’s hard to feel and to express appreciation toward someone who is constantly critical, who applies undue pressure, and who has little respect for the true qualities of who one is (in this case, non-STEM attributes). You don’t seem to see the wonderful things that she IS and has the potential to BECOME.
Have you shown appreciation for the hard work that she did to get into her elite school? Do you have any idea how difficult college admissions are these days, for her to have achieved that?
IMO, you are doing more damage to her life (and to any future relationship with your daughter) than working a couple of years at Starbucks could ever do. I hope I’m wrong, but I worry that you’re more concerned about status and what other people think than about the quality of your daughter’s life.
Perhaps your daughter would thrive and find her place in a profession that does not pay a high salary but is highly satisfying for her. I have a feeling you would reject such a choice. If that’s true, maybe that is why she doesn’t want to confide in you. Or maybe she can’t make a decision because she can’t admit to herself that she wants to major in something you clearly disapprove of (because she so wants to please you). A truly rebellious young adult would have put her foot down with you long ago. There seems to be no solution for her, because, perhaps, she’s afraid the things she could excel in are unacceptable to you.
Please do some soul-searching, OP.