Writing about flaws in the education system?

<p>My essay is about computers, and I think it's natural to fit in a few lines about the flaws in the education system. The lines show my critical thinking, but I'm afraid it'll give off a negative vibe.</p>

<p>"I am studying in an education system where creativity, problem solving, and critical thinking are frowned upon while memorization and conformity are rewarded. Take science as an example. Science is a dynamic field of discovery where experimentation leads to new paradigms that replace the old. Yet, we are taught to repeat experiments, memorize facts, and never question the teacher so we can get high marks. When I wrote “all matters are waves” on a test, my teacher took marks off because we only learned about sound waves and electromagnetic waves. In such an education system, I am free only in front of a computer. There is never a single correct solution in programming...."</p>

<p>And my earlier, slightly more sarcastic version:</p>

<p>"I am studying in an education system where math is about using formulas and step-by-step algorithms rather than solving problems, science is about memorizing "facts" and repeating experiments rather than discovering new truths, and language is about how closely we can guess our teacher's interpretations of a text rather than offering new interpretations. In such an education system, I am only free in front of a computer. There is never a single correct solution in programming. The programmer has the freedom to choose which solution he uses. In an education system where creativity, innovation, and critical thinking are frowned upon while memorization and conformity are rewarded, I can only think for myself when programming..."</p>

<p>Do you think I should include this section? Is there a way to improve it so I don't sound like I think I know more than everyone else in the education system? If you want the full essay (draft), leave a reply and PM me.</p>

<p>I don’t see anything wrong with it. But I don’t know why you are writing about that. This essay is supposed to be about you personally and not your pontificating overarching views necessarily. Even the “the programmer” stuff is so detached…This is your PERSONAL statement, right? And while I’m at it, are you saying you can’t think for yourself when you are reading a book?</p>