I am a freshman at an in state SUNY school. I feel as if I don’t belong and this is not the school for me. Without reason my mental health became dangerous, and I don’t quite know why. I have zero academic or social interest in being here. I have all of the interest for Clemson. That feeling of knowing when a school is meant for you, I get that whenever I picture myself on that campus. The problem comes in with finances and this current semester. If I were to withdrawal, would that have a negative impact on my Clemson app? What are the first steps into leaving here and following my heart. I understand that it’s a hit or miss. I may not be able to get the loans, or get in, but if I could please get some guidance on going on the right direction. There are so many options I know that, but I’m not sure which ones would be best to take. Thank you.
Did you apply to Clemson? If so, were you accepted and was it affordable?
No university is perfect. Anywhere you go will be some people you like and some you don’t like. Any school will have some classes that you like and some that you don’t like.
When I applied to graduate schools my “dream school” was Cornell. I was rejected. However, I got into my second choice and went there, and did really, really well. It was only a few decades later that I realized that my second choice was a better fit for me. It appears that admissions at both schools had figured this out way before I did.
All of the SUNY universities are very good. There will be people like you there, but you might not find them right away. You might want to join a club and see how it goes. If you do not like it then try a different club.
You can most likely also find counseling at your school that should be helpful. You should look for counseling as soon as you get time to do this (try to sign up today if you have a bit of time).
As long as you are a student enrolled at any university, then take your classes seriously. Attend every class. Keep ahead in your homework. You can sort out the rest of it over time.
What do you think that you would like about Clemson?
I appreciate your reply. I have yet to apply, and would have to figure out the financial plan. It would be something I would struggle with, but if I am able to get those loans I would deal with them in the future. I know that at my school I feel uncomfortable. I’ve been to their therapists, but only was told to ignore the problem. I am in individual therapy to account for this. Ideally I make it to Clemson. I will have backup schools, but I do know that I can’t stay on this campus for another semester. The career path I’ve chosen is something I’m set on. It could change, but there are no intentions on that, because of this many SUNY schools do not offer my major. I only applied to this school, and settled when I got in, but I am regretting not taking a gap year to save up. I’ve looked into the possibility of moving down there and getting in state after a year of working full time. My first step is to apply, but after this current semester ends, I am wondering if I should stick it out and try to transfer somewhere, or not attend next semester
Please do not disregard finances as part of your future plans.
That’s one of my biggest factors. While I do not want to mess my future up with these debts, it’s something that I would consider with my current state at this school. I believe I would thrive at a school that’s out of state, which financially is a huge hit, but the motivation would double. I’ve been stalking scholarship sites, and would take a gap year or two to work full time. I also have 2 decent sums of money coming within the next few years, but not enough to jump right in. I’m going to continue applying for scholarships and grants, but I know I cannot rely solely on those to get me through. Thank you for your reply.
I am not a healthcare professional, but these statements stand out to me. I am very glad that you are receiving therapy, but I would also urge you to see a medical doctor who will see if there are biological causes for the sudden decline in mental health. Early adulthood is a common time when symptoms of more serious biologically-based mental issues may arise and you want to make sure that you are screened for that.
Try to finish your classes to the best of your ability. If you think that you are incapable of doing so due to the mental health issues you are having, see if there is a way to do a medical withdrawal and what the requirements are to do so. Unless you/your family paid for tuition insurance, that means that the costs of this semester won’t be recoverable, but your physical and mental health is the most important thing.
If you are not in a healthy space for next semester, take a gap semester (or gap year). There is no need to rush through and take as many classes as possible when you are miserable.
But also, realize that one’s health can impact your perspective on college. Have you tried joining any clubs? Participating in activities thrown by the university, especially those at your dorm or that are intended for people to meet each other? Are your issues with your SUNY merely social, or academic as well?
With respect to the finances and loans, you can take out about $5500 in loans your first year. You can take up to $28k in federal loans TOTAL for your undergrad education. Clemson’s tuition is $24,782 for out-of-state students and $12,810 for in-state students. Even if you get in-state status for Clemson, three years at Clemson is more than you can take out in loans just for tuition. This doesn’t includes the cost of room & board, either.
Is your family able and willing to contribute any money for college? If so, how much?
Whatever you do and wherever you go, you want to make sure you have a financial plan for how to accomplish your goals, otherwise it can be a huge burden and even more dispiriting than if you had never started on that preferred path.
A). No school is perfect
B) no major is exacting to the point that - I can’t do that job from here - where there’s a will short of something like accounting that is defined
C). People go to their dream schools all the time. And transfer out. In fact another poster right now has your exact same message - but she’s at Clemson
D). If you become absorbed in loans, you will potentially have a lifetime of regret.
E). So you are a first year So it’s been a month. A lot of campus counseling is tough to even get so soon. . They are overwhelmed. Can you get a private counselor ? Perhaps your parents employment has a plan that offers this. Are you home sick ? Roommate issues ? Have you tried to join a club or two.
Ps. Why Clemson ? There are many schools ‘like’ Clemson. And cheaper. So why Clemson ?
Running away from an issue, and so quickly, likely not gonna to solve the problem.
My daughter turned down a great merit scholarship from BING for Clemson with a much lower scholarship. OOS it’s over $55,000 a year. We are paying with a combo of funds from the 529 and loans, federal and private. We co-sign the private loans since students can only borrow around $28,000 total for four years. Are your parents prepared to co-sign loans? I believe the acceptance rate is down to about 48%. How were your HS stats?
I’ve been in counseling for the last 6 years, and have tried the schools counselors over 5 times. My counselor is great, and I wouldn’t change anything about the help I’m getting. I’m not sure why Clemson. Its a feeling I can’t explain, kind of like home. I think about it and find myself in tears for some reason. It’s something unexplainable. I’ve had to go to the university police on multiple occasions due to harassment and stalking, but nothing was done each time. Ive had a similar experience in high school which I feel like I’m back in. I’m going into a career where connections are everything which is why a bigger name school is ideal. I felt uncomfortable (I cannot put my finger on it) visiting local schools. Because of the events that have taken place in my life, I think I need a new start out of state. Financially, I am looking to move down there and take a year or two to work full time, with the contribution of my parents. While I can’t rely on scholarship applications, I’ve been sending multiple in a day. I have a single room, and love living alone. No offense to my family, but I’m happy being on my own. I haven’t really made true friends despite the efforts. I attend many of the hall and campus events, but never get anything from them. I go to class, come back and look at an escape plan
My parents are willing to contribute. I’ve taken honors classes and a few AP courses, and average around a 3.6 GPA with sports, student council and drama club. Does your daughter stand by her choice, does she believe it’s worth it?
There is a book about this- and I am not mocking! It’s called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad day. Alexander’s Clemson is Australia.
You actually do know part of ‘why Clemson’, even if you can’t articulate it, but I suspect its real attraction is that seems far away from all the things that you are unhappy about where you are.
Unfortunately, as the saying goes, whereever you go, there you are. You have many, many things that are making you unhappy, and a change of venue isn’t going to change that.
I could pick apart many of your points and contradictions (eg, “I’ve been to their therapists, but only was told to ignore the problem”, said no therapist ever), but the biggest points are:
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many, many first year students are still finding their feet
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if you seriously want help identifying better options you need to focus on what you have and what you want. What you have means your stats and financial resources; what you want means the characteristics that you want from your college. It would help to know how you chose the college you are in now, and what specific features you would like to have be different.
Have you been to South Carolina or Clemson specifically ?
What connections ? Clemson is a fine school - don’t get me wrong.
But and maybe I’m missing something - I can’t for the life of me think of any major where you could only get connections from Clemson ?
Something is missing here.
Good luck to you. I wish you well in your journey.
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, and am glad you are seeing a professional.
The first thing to do once you are healthy is to understand what your parents can contribute. Most students can only take out $27K total in loans during undergrad, any loans beyond that will be on your parents either directly, or as a co-signer.
Regarding Clemson, potential transfers must spend at least one year in college before applying (need at least 30 hours of semester credits/45 hours of quarter credits). There are other requirements as well.
Complete a year of college study — after high school graduation — earning 30 semester hours or 45 quarter hours of transferable credit. Advanced Placement, International Baccalaureate and dual-enrollment credit may not be used to count toward the 30 semester hours (45 quarter hours) requirement.
You will have to research this info for all colleges that you might want to transfer to. Good luck.
How do you know this?
She does, but honestly she’d be happy anywhere. She always enjoyed school, is VERY social, found a great friend group freshman year, pledged a sorority, loves going out to bars and parties, playing games on the beach, intramural soccer, road trips to other colleges, she’s a TA, honors college. She is off campus with friends but really misses dorm life where she could knock on lots of doors and talk to people (she faked being an RA last year at freshman move in). I think it’s harder to start somewhere late, I don’t think Clemson guarantees housing for transfers (only freshmen get guaranteed housing). I don’t think you need to give up your dream, but I would encourage you to jump into opportunities where you are, there are still lonely students at Clemson.
Before my oldest daughter went off to university I insisted that she would not take any loans at all. She was not happy with this restriction.
Four years later she graduated and took a dream job. This job was very interesting, was in an absolutely beautiful location, involved doing something that she absolutely loved, and fit in very well with her longer term career plans. However, it paid really badly. She could barely afford to live on what it paid. She was only able to take the job because she had no debt at all. She took the job and loved it. It lead to a second job. Both in turn were very helpful in getting her accepted to a dream graduate program (which is academically very challenging but which is exactly what she wants to do).
She thanked me for not letting her take on any debt.
Be very cautious about taking on debt to attend university.
Clemson will still be there and will still have a few thousand spots for graduate students in the future if you ever get to the point of wanting to attend graduate school.
OP- why not take it a day at a time instead of catastrophizing and assuming that if you are unhappy now you will still be unhappy in 6 months?
You could set very modest goals for yourself- one at a time- and see how you feel after achieving them. What is a modest goal?
Tomorrow- You will sit with someone you don’t know in the cafeteria and strike up a conversation. Even if it’s only “boy it got cold fast, didn’t it?”
Thursday- you will sign up for and attend a meeting for an organization that sounds interesting. Collecting coats for the homeless? Learning to bake french pastry? Folk Dancing, archery, needlepoint, debate team… just pick one thing and show up.
These are modest goals- one new thing every day. After two weeks (that’s 14 days of reaching out, going outside your zone, making an effort) evaluate how you feel.
I’m worried that even if your transfer is successful, and even if you can figure out the money, and even if your family supports the move-- you are going to show up at your “Dream School” and STILL are going to need to figure out how to meet people, how to join activities, how to break into already established social networks. And if you’ve idealized Clemson- both professionally and socially- it’s going to be even harder to go outside your comfort zone.
Why not get some practice now???
Hugs to you. I know you can take baby steps to feel better. And keep going to counseling!!!
Just to add- imagine taking ALL the time, energy and focus you have been spending looking for scholarships, looking at transfer policies, looking at the Clemson website- and using it to actually adjust to your current college? WOW! You’ve spent so much energy on getting out of your current situation, you don’t have the bandwidth to figure out how to help yourself TODAY.
Re: campus police- you have options to escalate if you still don’t feel unsafe. Pick up the phone and call the Dean of Housing, Dean of Student Life, Dean of Students- whatever the right person is called. Document- tell the person "I hope you don’t mind but I am recording our conversation (NY requires permission of the other person to record a phone call I believe). Tell them what happened, tell them you spoke with a police officer on whatever date you called them, tell them what this person told you. I guarantee if your claim is valid you will see action here. If you get an assistant, explain why you are calling and ask to set up a meeting to discuss your personal safety. You will get a call back.
Hugs.
You won’t get instate tuition at Clemson by living there for a full year before you attend….unless your whole family plans to relocate with you.
For perspective on your situation, this student is unhappy at Clemson and seeks to transfer: Considering transferring from Clemson to LAC.