Hi, not sure of the right place for this, but thought I would try. My daughter is really having a hard time finding, and getting into, activities. She keeps getting turned down for everything she has applied to – a leadership thing for freshman, the entrepreneurial club board, the musical groups. It is one rejection after another – and she is getting demoralized. Is this normal? There must be things that you can do without applying!
Of course there are. But isn’t that her problem to research and solve? All the things you’ve listed sound inherently selective and that doesn’t always work out.
I suggest that she maybe apply to one of the little campus jobs. My daughter met a lot of people there and it was only once a week every other week so although it was a low commitment, it was community. There are many things that she can do. I think that there is a music group that anyone can join. There are all sorts of things that are posted on the boards outside the gate at Old Campus and just attending things that are offered will help open up doors.
Unfortunately what she has tried to become active with are things that many others do as well. The thing about a school like Yale is that most of these kids have all been competitive or leaders in their old schools and they all want to do it all. It will settle down once that initial rush period is over. She will be ok. Freshman year is a tough adjustment for most of these kids. She will find her niche. Its all just new. It has only been 3 weeks.
Not a mom, but also not chopped liver 
The frocos are an often overlooked resource. They know a lot, and usually have cookies. They will be happy to assist in finding suitable activities for your daughter.
If she’s anywhere interested in sports, she should try her College’s intramurals. My main ECs were IM sports and my job. My socializing was around various circles, however.
The ballroom dance “team” is very welcoming, and you can have absolutely NO experience to join and have fun.
I know a little about the a cappella groups - literally hundreds of people try out for maybe 30-40 spots. I would guess the other activities you named are similarly competitive. And remember: the competition is among Yale students, who are the 6% of applicants who actually got in. I would suggest you tell your daughter: welcome to the big leagues. You put in years of effort to get to a place where everyone was a star at their high school. You’re going to have to work through it and find your niche.
And she will, because she is a star. She wouldn’t have been admitted otherwise. I would give her some credit, and take a step back. There are an amazing number of student organizations at Yale (see here: http://studentorgs.yalecollege.yale.edu/directory), catering to every conceivable interest and many of which anyone can join. She’ll find one or more with like-minded people who appreciate her personality and what she can contribute, and then she’ll be off to the races.
I sent you a PM, but wanted to let you know that your daughter is not alone! My daughter has said the same thing. She is used to being super involved and still wants to be really involved, and was very surprised how competitive it would be to get into clubs/groups. So many things seem to have an audition/rush process, even literary and writing groups.
My daughter met with her Froco last week to brainstorm on ideas for involvement, and has been investigating different opportunities that are more open.
Even though it is only a few weeks into the semester, there are some things that are only open for auditions/try outs/rush at the beginning of the year, and even a few things where the only real entry point is the first few weeks of freshman year! There seem to be some organizations that welcome kids second semester or even start/gear up during second semester, and also many groups/clubs that seem to be mainly upperclassmen (so my assumption is that kids mainly get into these after freshman year). There are also many community service/public health/education/social activism organizations through Dwight Hall that would probably welcome new members - http://dwighthall.org/groups/.
Good luck to your daughter!
I think shaming a mom for wanting to help her kid is way out of line. JMHO. The transition to college can be hard. My kid tried out for the carillon and didn’t make it; it was a big deal for her; I felt bad. Just telling your kid to “figure it out” is rather mean.
My D was devastated when she did not make the club volleyball team freshman year. She then started playing intramural sports and eventually got a shout out for playing all the IM sports for JE freshman year. It was a great way meeting people and she became very popular with the upperclassmen who are always desperate for players. Did she go to the Activities Fair? There were hundreds of organizations there that were clamoring for members. She will have to branch out beyond those that require auditions like club teams and a Capella groups. Is she environmentally bent? Does she want to tutor kids? IMs have already been mentioned and you need zero ability to join. She can look into things that are specific to her residential college.
Mom, we all have been there when our kids who are used to being involved in so much now have to find themselves in the huge melting pot that is Yale. In the beginning I was so worried after the calls that her world was ending. Many of the parents on this forum went through it with me and we listened to advice from the old heads. Though it is hard to hear, she will be okay in the end. Just tell her to keep looking. And, we’re here for you too!!
Was that comment directed at me @donnaleighg? i hope not. I guess on reflection my post was a bit terse, but that was a byproduct of replying briefly with thumbs.
My point was that those activities that hadn’t worked out sounded like selective activities and maybe she should encourage her kid to check out some non-selective ones. And yes, I do think at this stage she should encourage her kid to do her own research. As others have pointed out, there’s an extensive list posted online.
This is all good advice. I think she is surprised how competitive many of the activities are – and clearly there are lots of talented people trying to get into the same organizations. But as a mom, listening to her call to lament one rejection after another has been hard. Especially when they are organizations that she is genuinely interested in, and feels like she can contribute. But I appreciate the feedback and know that things will get easier. But listening to her sadness across the country is hard.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I am assuming that the 2 users who are debating whether parents should “help” (for lack of a better term) their freshman children have agreed to disagree. This forum is not a debate society, and that particular topic is beyond the scope of this thread. Posts deleted.
@joannaas, it IS hard when our kids are sad, especially when we’re not close by. And Yale’s a pretty intense environment in which to find one’s way. But I’m confident she can find something that appeals to her that doesn’t require tryouts. (Not that she shouldn’t try for something that appeals to her … it’s just not the only path to engagement.) I’m sure you’ll do everything you can to support her from afar in seeking greener pastures.
@joannaas, reading your post, I am again reminded how lucky we are to be within a short drive from school. Sadness in our children is always rough to hear, but especially when there’s little to do about it. DS took a tough first semester, including Math 230, a notorious time suck, and lamented that he had been so busy that he had made no friends, and that all friends are made in the first semester, and woe was him. The next semester he took a lighter load and got involved in some activities (I second the recommendation for Dwight Hall, IM sports, and in his case, club hockey). Things work out.
I think another pernicious effect comes from the hype about college “being the best years of your life” and that your college friends will be the best and the foundation for lifelong friendships. Maybe yes, maybe no. It’s fine if it happens, but it sets unreasonable standards and pressure. I have every expectation that your daughter will soon be participating in things that satisfy her.
ETA: I type so slowly on my iPad that I often cross post. But, some points are worth repeating
@joannaas - If your daughter has interests she is passionate about (and what Yalie doesn’t?), I suggest she look into getting involved in the Splash / Sprout program, where Yale students teach one-hour classes to high schoolers on any topic they like, several times a year . It is held on campus. My son loved the teaching part, and got more involved as a volunteer and organizer for the program. Sign up is happening now: https://yale.learningu.org/teach/splash.html
Also, to echo what another poster said above, my son had several friends who got into ballroom dance having never danced before, and they loved it.
Good luck to her and to you!
The Yale Political Union, which is the oldest collegiate political debating society in the country, is extremely welcoming of new members. The Union is composed of seven parties that cover the full spectrum of political philosophy from the Party of the Left, to the Party of the Right. Students join both the Union and one of the individual parties. The Union holds one debate a week, and the individual parties have a full slate of social events every week. Many of the parties also take activism seriously and engage and support the Yale and New Haven communities. It certainly is a place where many students form life long friendships with alums who graduated decades ago still returning for party events.
@bookmobile - my D did Splash!! She loved it. She is a militant and she has done two seminars on topics that are dear to her. A student can do a talk about almost anything that they are interested in and its a great way to meet other Yalies who are participating too.
There are lots of organizations that will take anybody willing. The Political Union was just mentioned. Anybody can join the marching band in some capacity, even if you don’t play an instrument (or if you play one, but not well at all). There are lots of volunteer organizations through Dwight Hall. You can get involved with drama by working tech on one of the many productions each year–they are begging for people.