<p>I think someone needs a nap - or a time out.</p>
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How come moving across the country is linked to failure in parenting? But certainly a ‘child failing to attend college’ can be considered low marks on parenting. And the failing to attend is not becuase the child was incapable or parent didn’t have the financial strengths.</p>
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<p>Failure to see that the Son was going on that path and then letting him fail deserves less marks for parenting.</p>
<p>I still don’t see where I went wrong on this.</p>
<p>“Don’t you think this could have been avoided. Your S could have learned the lesson if you have put him through summer as Americorps volunteer. If you have paid more attention to his excessive senioritis.”</p>
<p>I am LOL! We had given S help throughout h.s. by taking him around to colleges, being active in his PTA (I was president and volunteered a lot with the school), paying for him to have therapy and help for his perceived ADD. I even read some of his assigned reading so that I could discuss the reading with him. None of this made any difference with his work ethic.</p>
<p>What did make a difference was standing back and allowing him to feel the natural results of his actions. Due to his not getting college apps in on time, he was embarrassed when his friends were getting college acceptances. Due to his not getting his work in on time, he spent the last 2 weeks of senior year finishing his backlog of late assignments while other seniors were doing fun things like overnight camping on the school’s lawn.</p>
<p>Due to his having mediocre grades that in no way reflected his 98-99th percentile scores, he graduated high school without the various honor tassels that his friends with equal and lower scores had. (S was the one who noticed this and said he wished he had worked harder).</p>
<p>Due to our allowing him to feel the natural results of his own laziness and procrastination, he now has chosen to be an honor student who is flourishing at the college that he loves attending.</p>
<p>I think this is the most reality-defying set of posts I’ve seen from you, POIH. </p>
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<p>Because if they don’t learn from their mistakes, they will make the same mistakes over and over. Mommy and daddy rushing to the rescue doesn’t teach kids to avoid the situation in the future . . . It teaches them that mommy and daddy will be running to the rescue next time, too. Making mistakes and “owning” them (taking responsibility for them) is part of growing up and maturing.</p>
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<p>Are you kidding??</p>
<p>We gave our kids quite a bit of guidance and support IN GRADE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL. We nurtured THEIR interests and also suggested things that we thought might interest them. We taught them the value of hard work, doing the best you can do, and making good choices. Both learned it is important to reach out to others, be kind and compassionate, but also to be able to stand for their own beliefs. </p>
<p>Both of our kids had their lumps in school and we did NOT run to the school to defend them. We discussed their “shortcomings” with them, and told THEM to manage the situations. We felt and continue to feel that this helped our KIDS take ownership of their lives.</p>
<p>No one likes to see a student not do their best. BUT you know that old saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink” applies here. Our goal was to lead the kids to the water and encourage them to drink. If they didn’t…the consequences were theirs, not ours, and they both learned valuable LIFES LESSONS of their own.</p>
<p>As college students, we had very little to say about their intended majors and choices of colleges. We were pleased with both of our kids’ choices, but I can tell you…there are parents on this board who have chastised me for paying for my son’s college education in a field where he will earn a very small salary. Ah…but that is my SON’s life lesson. He will learn to manage his money.</p>
<p>POIH…the best thing we can do is give our kids wings and let them soar. If they hit a snag, we certainly can offer sage advice and help if they ask. BUT really…they are now learning their own life’s lessons and these will be more valuable to them in the long run than anything we TELL them.</p>
<p>Just my humble opinion.</p>
<p>“I still don’t see where I went wrong on this”</p>
<p>Please do not discourage him. The entertainment factor is way too high.</p>
<p>But really, POIH, there is a difference between being a parent and being a puppet master. Puppet masters can not cut the strings. EVER.</p>
<p>No kidding, musica - I just got my popcorn made!!</p>
<p>This is coming from a student, but please help me understand your viewpoints, parents.</p>
<p>My own parents let me make my college decision, but after I made it they said they agreed and would have talked to me if I had picked the “other” school and would have attempted to talk me out of it. I don’t see the problem with this.</p>
<p>I also don’t see the problem with a parent picking the child’s major if the parents are contributing financially. I consider it to some degree an investment, so I would feel obligated to make sure this investment was a wise one.</p>
<p>I am not saying that a parent cannot let a child make his own decisions, but I’m absolutely astounded to see parents telling other parents that they should be throwing money at causes they do not support at all.</p>
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<p>Believe it or NOT POIH…some students do not attend college and it has precious nothing to do with “low marks on parenting”. Some kids go to college later in life, some enter trades, some the armed forces, some marriage. Nothing disgraceful about any of these tracks…and most of these kids had fine parents.</p>
<p>To say that going to college is the mark of “high parent points” is very short sighted and closed minded.</p>
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<p>I think it is really dense out here but let me try to make it more clear. Who said you are trying to resolve your children problems. What I said that you can show them the failures without them having to go thru it.</p>
<p>It is different, if they can forsee the failure of their actions they will learn to not make the mistakes.</p>
<p>But it seems people just jump on the POIH bashing wagon whenever get a chance without thinking thru in their head properly.</p>
<p>Still that is why people make mistakes to begin with because they just can’t think thru.</p>
<p>Agree with the majority tone and tenor of this thread.</p>
<p>To my mind the most important aspects of an education strengthen the student in some core skills. These core skills should be somewhat transferable from one field to another.</p>
<p>In fact, they’d better be. Students are not going to have to change jobs because of bad planning. Society is just changing very fast. Careers are created and destroyed.</p>
<p>The more confident our kids are, the better they are at sailing into these winds.</p>
<p>I think my kids’ ears are closer to the ground of the future than mine. In my fifties I am a wee bit more tied to the past than they are.</p>
<p>OP: I understand your position. You’re nervous. How could you not be? Scary world out there. Most of us are in the same boat you’re in.</p>
<p>Hey, my kid’s a Classics major. However universal skill set developing includes: Good research skills, good analytical skills, ability to think across disciplines, an understanding of history, the discipline, endurance and persistence to work through two difficult languages, Latin and Greek and the confidence to stand up to the quizzical raised brows of others.</p>
<p>I have no idea whatsoever what he’ll do with this. Perhaps grad school to try for higher ed, I’m not sure.</p>
<p>What I do see is him working <em>very</em> hard and being <em>very</em> excited about what he is learning.</p>
<p>On a related note, he is paying all his own personal expenses by working at his college library, so he is learning what’s at stake. Maybe he’ll manage some big collections. Who knows?</p>
<p>Maybe he’ll open a nursery stocked only by flowers that originated in Greece. Maybe he’ll develop the best recipe in the world for baklava and market it globally and become a millionaire. LOL. </p>
<p>Maybe he’ll get lucky, find a job and be a high school Latin teacher. Maybe he’ll turn to plan B and go to law school.</p>
<p>Meanwhile I do like what is happening to him – he is working at the top of his game at something he loves. Doesn’t get much better than that.</p>
<p>POIH, where do your children attend college, out of curiosity? I actually agree with you on many points here, but certainly not all.</p>
<p>thunper1:
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<p>It is not that everyone has to go to college to make it in the life some children are not cut for the standardized learning.</p>
<p>But the point was this young boy was suppose to go to college but because of lack of foresight on the part of the parent or parent wrong notion to let the child fail so that he learns from mistake caused the child the oppertunity to go to college right after HS.</p>
<p>Please stay in context, not every statement is generic and should not be taken out of context.</p>
<p>POIH’s daughter goes to MIT.</p>
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<p>“Cut” I hope has no negative connotations. The military is a life with more honor than many college graduates could even dream of living.</p>
<p>NO POIH…this boy COULD have gone to college. He made the decision to do something else, and as a grown-up, that was HIS decision. I applaud his parents for NOT stepping in and insisting that he do it “their way”. Their way was clearly NOT his way. Some kids learn and succeed a LOT better by learning these lessons themselves. I would hope that my kids can make the right decisions to further their own lives. BUT you know…at this point, it’s THEIR life, not mine. As a parent, you also have to know when to step back and let the chips fall.</p>
<p>I am trying to figure out how many “marks for parenting” I have.</p>
<p>I’m gonna say about 153.47.</p>
<p>^ eddieodessa–you lost points by not sticking the dis-mount.
SORRY</p>
<p>Darn! Oh, well.</p>