Even as I’m writing this, I know I need to get over it…but, dang, I just can’t move past it and my spouse doesn’t want to hear about anymore and I haven’t shared my feelings with anyone else so you guys are the lucky winners. To briefly recap: First kid applied to 14 colleges, got into 12, had many good choices and landed in an affordable great fit for her. She (and me) couldn’t be happier. Kid 2 (I think he’s a more intellectual thinker than kid 1 but with lower standardized test scores) applied to a small handful of colleges, didn’t apply at colleges where he might have gotten good merit aid, and ended up with fewer paths. It is what it is. He was accepted into cornell but didn’t get meaningful financial aid (just loans) and I could not emotionally accept that we couldn’t pay $70,000-plus a year for the next 4 years so the decision was pushed until the very last minute and he ended up at the state university. Because he was last-minute, he didn’t put in an application for Honors…he had one chance fall semester (he had to get something like a 3.8 and be a full-time student and get a couple of recommendations), he came out with a 4.0 first semester but it turns out you have to be full-time with 15 credit hours and not full-time with 14 credit hours so he was automatically disqualified for Honors….and my letter to that dept wasn’t even answered with a form letter. So there you go there.
Are you with me so far?
Last year, I heard him talking with my brother (his uncle) about “what was the biggest surprise in college” and S said, “I thought the teachers would be really good…like everybody would be like Mr. X and Mr. Y but even better” (citing two of his favorite HS teachers) but instead he spent his first full year being taught primarily by TAs in huge classes (the full professors are used for Honors students only).
Entering into this year, he just doesn’t talk about academics at all….and this was a kid who returned from 6 weeks back in high school at this governor’s academic thing that we have in our state and couldn’t stop talking about what he had learned from the amazing teachers there…to just crickets. No course has stuck with him, no professor is worth discussing, no intellectual insights at all. He still talks a lot but it’s mostly about the sport he plays (which really has been great) and academics is kind of gone. I asked him about it specifically and he finally said, “look, Mom, that’s not how college works. You think that students are sitting around talking with professors and learning all this stuff and college isn’t like that!” I mean, lol, guilty as charged.
My sister consoles me by saying, “don’t worry…he’ll have good teachers and classes starting his junior year” but that makes me even more wound up….I guess I have this feeling that there was a moment here that he was primed to take….and things just derailed. And he seems happy enough…he likes playing sports, he’s made friends. I’m the one longing for more.
I know…I’m crazy….but, man, the potential lost…it pains my heart.
I may be able to offer some insights, but I need to know the school in question–as well as any other schools to which your son was accepted. Feel free to PM me if you wish to keep the schools confidential. @SouthernHope
I’d encourage you to reframe your thinking. I don’t know (nor do you) that this college isn’t a fit. If it weren’t a fit, he’d have been mopey and unhappy and not making friends, and talking about going overseas to work on a sheep farm instead of going back for sophomore year.
And it doesn’t sound like this is the case.
So it’s not that the college doesn’t fit him- it’s that he hasn’t (yet) figured out how to create or tap into the level of academic engagement you are hoping for.
Will it happen? Maybe. Maybe not. But just because freshman year was a process of knocking off pre-req’s doesn’t doom him to three more years of that.
I was not an athlete- being more of the nerd type- but I had two varsity athlete roommates and to be honest, they experienced college very differently than I did. Their lives were their coaches, teammates, waking up early, working out together… punctuated by classes. Is the older kid an athlete so you are comparing apples to apples?? Is the sport very time-consuming???
What does his course load look like for this semester and is there anything on it more seminar-like that is going to spark something? Can you encourage him not to load up on the 800 student plus courses for this semester? Has he figured out a major and is it something he’s still engaged by?
I do not agree with the above comment simply because his current school does not appear to be a good fit.
I suspect that the school in question is one of two large state Southern schools which allow mid-year qualification for the Honors College. If Georgia, you did not receive a response possibly due to your son’s failure to register his intent to apply for the Honors College after first semester. Qualifying grades are not enough.
I am sorry to hear your pain. It is so hard to be the parent sometimes. Your son does seem content…friends, not depressed, etc. FWIW, I attended a big state school and had the experience you describe. It turned out well. It is possible that he is talking less about academics because he is simply growing up and wants more breathing room on the parental front. He seems like a good kid…he probably senses your disappointment and that stings.
Is your son wanting to transfer? If not, you need to accept that he is where he is.
Are you having guilt about not being able to afford Cornell? As a Cornell grad, I can tell you that freshman year classes are in big lecture halls with hundreds of students too. Sure there are smaller classes here and there but not the majority of the foundation courses.
" And he seems happy enough…he likes playing sports, he’s made friends. I’m the one longing for more.
I know…I’m crazy….but, man, the potential lost…it pains my heart."
Just so’s you know…he hasn’t lost any potential whatsoever. He’s growing it.
You just have a preconceived notion of how his college classes should be at this stage. And the classes can change dramatically as you move up the food chain into your major.
You’re imagining a class of deep thinkers and philosophy with small group discussion rather than some on-line courses (they do go away) while he’s excited about the next football game.
Right now he’s happy (your own words) and expanding into social areas that he might never have gotten to experience and really enjoy. He’s talking about sports etc. because it’s exciting to make friends and join social circles. That’s a part of growing up also. It adds to independence. Sounds like he’s finding success there–YOU should be very happy!
By Junior year those facets of intellectual classes and social aspects start to meld some. Kids just keep growing.
It would be helpful to know the school in question so that others may avoid being taught by TAs.
Also, often Honors students get preference for internship interviews in addition to better housing & priority course registration.
I have dealt with this situation only at Auburn & Georgia recently, but this could be Alabama. I doubt that it is Auburn as it will do everything possible to admit one into honors. Georgia is tough.
It is helpful because if the son ignored the parents advice, then the student does not want to be in the honors college & the parent should not feel guilty.
Additionally, for certain schools there are other options.
Anecdote, but this is what our son found. He was disappointed in the academics at his college freshman year but, by the time he was fully into his major, he had full access to the school’s brain trust and is now very challenged and academically engaged. Looking back, even though he validated out of the drudgery of most freshman courses, freshman year was still a year of beginnings and adjustments and underwhelming for him overall. Like your son, he was disappointed that his high school teachers seemed better than his freshman teachers.
I’m in the camp that believes that a great education can be had at most colleges, and some of the big state schools, due to size and resources, have the most to offer – if the student is motivated to seek it out. I think some have unreasonable expectations for freshman year. I agree that if your son is content with the rest of his experience, that is a big plus and indicates that the school is not a bad fit, he just hasn’t tapped into all his college has to offer yet. If he knows what he wants to study, he can seek out time with professors and department heads in that discipline who can engage and encourage him and who should also be able to help him tap into those more enriching resources in and out of class. Our son found that just seeking these discussions put him on the department radar, and one of the professors he most enjoys talking with (never had him for a class) has become a mentor and has helped him choose the courses with the best instructors and classroom experience. That initiative has made all the difference for him. Good luck to your son. I’m betting he can figure this out and end up with the education he wants if he seeks it out.
ETA: @gouf78’s post #7 is really the heart what I am trying to say, only said better.
Please, there are TAs teaching at every state university in the country, and at many private ones too. There are lectures with 500+ students at Cal and Ohio State and FSU and Michigan. Some are great classes, some are set up to get as many freshman through them as possible, but those students are still getting a Cal or Michigan or UCLA education. Students are on waitlists to get into those huge lecture classes.
But this was a student who qualified for the Honors College at Georgia (except for the careless 14 hours instead of 15 hours) which is arguably the best public university honors college in the country.
With respect to this thread there are two concerns: 1) consoling the parent & 2) informing current & future readers of issues & requirements about UGA Honors. For example, many do not know that registration is required for freshmen who wish to be considered for entry into the Honors College for their second semester & that a 3.8 GPA is required based on 15 hours of coursework in one’s first semester.
There is real opportunity lost here because of the significant & meaningful connections made in the honors college with both peers & professors as well as with mentors.
Traditionally, in Atlanta employment opportunities are substantially greater for those with inside connections–just ask any Georgia Tech grad. Also, the co-op & internship opportunities are far greater for members of the Honors College.
Even if not in Honors and at big school, chances are his classes will get smaller and he will get professors instead of TAs as he moves thru general ed requirements. My D went to UofSC and was a math/religion major. Her math classes after the first year were not only taught by professors, but usually had max 25 students. Maybe he should look at joining a major specific group (business students assoc, etc.). Students in these groups often more intellectually interested in school. Or find a professor in his major to go talk to who may have him participate in research or some other project. Most professors respond positively to students who seem to care.
Don’t know if your D is at a small school but big schools require a little more initiative to make connections with professors.
So? The honors students at my daughter’s college still have to take the one required history/government course everyone takes in the 200 student lecture hall with the TAs.
My daughter is in her school’s honor’s college and two of her her courses have hundreds of students (calc has 300 and chem 500-600).
My daughter also has a class where she likes her TA better than the prof. I also recall reading a study that showed that freshman taught by TAs were more likely to stay in their major.
As to honors college–after the first year the advantages decline rapidly. One good thing is meeting people and your son already has that nailed it appears. I wouldn’t waste a single moment thinking about that at all.
As to TA’s rather than professors… I had some excellent TAs who taught better than the professors did.
She’s feeling the tumble of Cornell not being viable, kiddo missing the honors opp, and not being as excited as he was in hs. Understandable concerns.
But I absolutely agree it can get much better. If it’s not too late right now, encourage him to find a small elective class.
My kid didn’t wake up and find her purpose til jr year. Hasn’t stopped since and graduated a few years ago. Support him but understand it can take time and…they learn from peers at this age. He’ll probably pick up good ideas and recs from them.