@dadof4kids My comment was meant to guide you gently to the conclusion that you are being a really, really tough judge, not that you were humble-bragging. (Which I would consider by far the yuckier of those two options. You, from what I know so far, are not the type who hems and haws and backhandedly seeks approval and accolades – and eye rolls – through the humble-brag.)
I should have constructed my sentence differently since you couldn’t hear my tone, so here is my re-do:
Unless you are humble-bragging (which is so NOT you, and frankly pretty yucky), you are being a really, really tough judge.
(And speaking of the word brag – sharing kids accomplishments, especially in a forum where we are looking at stats and considering options, fit, etc. – is not bragging. But the difference is outside the scope of my post. But just want you to know: you sharing stats does not feel like bragging from where I sit.)
FWIW, my kids all are public school kiddos from a good, but small and very unknown-to-prep-schools district. Plenty of community college kids, etc. No advanced classes even offered in MS. And my kids still got some B’s. And kid got into schools with 10-15% admission rates with pretty unspectacular SSATs.
I say this only to debunk the myth that many folks are under that the prep school game is an academic contest to get in, and that the very best students are what they seek.
While a student needs to show competence and the ability to handle the academics, once that box is checked, they move on to fit and desired attributes. A student who has all As in her entire middle school career at an accredited public school system that was apparently strong enough to launch siblings into great colleges, has checked the box, for even the 13% admission schools, let alone your nice long list of 30% admission schools. So it makes my heart sink when you start lamenting that she didn’t do extra credit for A+'s. The box was checked! Even if she doesn’t get in (I agree with @gardenstategal who says in another post that she will eat dirt if you don’t have options with that lovely list), don’t look there to make improvements for next year.
I’ll step back and say that I study success as part of my job. People often confuse the threshold competency for their competitive advantage, and I think it’s easy for applicants to do that in the prep school admissions process. Threshold competency is the minimum level of a skill/attribute that you need to throw your hat in the ring and play the game. Competitive advantage is how you actually clinch the win. Here is the important thing to note: Very few people will have the threshold competency as their competitive advantage, and yet many people act as if it were theirs. But most people will have a competitive advantage that is NOT the requested threshold competency. So yes, they need to have an acceptable minimum of that threshold competency to play, and sure, the stronger the better. But when people don’t win, they often step back and scratch their head and focus more and more on that threshold competency and wonder why they didn’t win. Answer: it’s because they tried to make the threshold competency their competitive advantage, and meanwhile totally missed their opportunity to lean into (and celebrate) their actual competitive advantage. (For kids especially, this can mean they miss the opportunity to discover their competitive advantage in the first place, so focussed they are on the threshold competency.)
In the case of schools – obviously the threshold competency is a certain level of academic ability. You must meet it. But then, these BS schools turn to the other stuff to create their community.
Are there some kids who are picked because their threshold competency (academic talent) is so off the charts that it becomes their competitive advantage? yes. But just like they don’t need 100 clarinet players, they don’t need the school to be all this one profile, even at a “tippy top” school.
Deciding to make the threshold competency your competitive advantage is very risky, because it puts you in direct “competition” with people with that one, very narrow, competency with few winners. Only one person can be the very best student, but lots of people can be the best at their own defined competitive advantage. (Ok so in our example, a few students would be in an equal pool of “best students” if you will.). But MANY people can shine in their various competitive competencies and thus make those their competitive advantage. In the world of success, it is usually much more effective to be the winner of your own game, than it is to come in 5th or 10th or 100th (depending on the situation) in the narrow definition of the threshold competency game. Which is why applicants are wise to check the threshold box and then go create their own narrative, and present themselves as the undisputed champion of their own story. (Caveat: the game/story must be relevant to game being played and compelling to whoever is judging of course.)
Ok I’ve already gone way off course for this thread, so I’ll stop here.
yep, M10 is super exciting and super stressful! And the wait is rough. FWIW, I have yet to see anyone share an all-bad-news-M10 with a list like yours @dadof4kids.