My kid and BFF are both applying to the same private school. We are friends with the BFF’s parents and are in the same social class but we value money differently. We judiciously save money for educational expenses and now have enough to cover Private School but are not quite there yet for College. Our home is clean, featuring well, well, well-used furniture and decorated with a good number of cardboard boxes for storage. Both of our cars are more than 12 yo. Meanwhile, BFF’s parents spent their way into poverty (minimal savings) but their home has the newest tech, beautiful furniture and they also have brand new cars. Every Sept, BFF shows up with a new iPhone. Meanwhile, I still have a 6yo Android. My kid does not have a phone.
I was all up for paying for private school until it was hinted to me that I would be subsidizing BFF’s tuition … because BFF is likely going to get financial aid.
I have no doubt that both kids will get in. My kid already has highly desirable recognition in a sport and one academic subject. While BFF does not have any of that, he is a smart, likable kid who is undoubtedly going to do great in life.
Right now, my only viable alternative is to get admitted then dangle a carrot for a kid who will likely bring lots of awards to that school.
Any ideas as to how I could go about making this more equitable? I would like to avoid being punished for being financially responsible and for accurately planning for my family’s future. The school only provides need-based assistance and merit is limited to the decision on whether to admit.
Good job being smart! What you speak to is a larger problem in our economy and in financial assistance in many areas. My children have been at a private school until this year when we took them out and went public. (5 years for the oldest and 2 years attendance for the younger). There were many factors why we took them out but among them was that I grew tired of paying for my children and their friends sitting next to them. I began to realize just who was getting financial aide and in reality, they weren’t that needy. I’m all for giving scholarships to high aptitude students who are truly needy but that wasn’t what I was seeing. As I looked to the future I realized this same population (and trust me…just as you described…not folks doing without) who would be getting financial assistance for college while we would not qualify. I realized we would be punished for working exceedingly hard (no, nobody helped us get here…it continues to be a lot of hard work and sacrifice). So, we decided to take our money out of the private school and use it for college savings. Our town has an excellent public school that ranks high so we decided to take advantage of it. Both children are doing famously and actually like the public school better (which offers more), I’m laughing all the way to the bank and enjoying the fact that the private school no longer has our money to spend on others. And by the way, I cancelled the YMCA membership for the same reason. I was paying, watching others not. How much can we fund everyone else? And for anyone who has a snarky comment for me…save it. We each have a choice and we made ours. No comments on my experience necessary.
You’re kidding, right? Your tuition dollars are not FA dollars. Financial aid comes out of the school’s endowment. At most of the school’s talked about here, even full-pay kids are being subsidized by the endowment. At Choate while our son was there, the full-tuition shortfall was about $12K per student. Look to your own business and don’t worry about someone else’s finances. Would you rather be that family that has no savings and an insecure financial future? Count your blessings and move on.
I want to acknowledge the three of you for attempting to answer my question - thank you. @ChoatieMom, I understand your point but it does not apply to our situation.
You can choose to believe that you are being punished for being financially responsible, but that is victim mentality. If you are able to afford expensive tuition at a private school, you are blessed beyond measure. No one else’s financial situation has anything to do with yours. Fretting that someone else is benefitting at your expense is a waste of your time and energy. From what you posted, I believe my answer to count your blessings and move on directly applies to your situation.
I don’t believe that there is any private school in the nation that sets its tuition high enough to cover your child’s share of the annual operating costs plus a portion of someone else’s. Financial aid dollars come from a school’s endowment, not from annual tuition. I can certainly understand your frustration over not qualifying for financial aid because you have diligently saved for your child’s education, but rest assured, your dollars are not going to subsidize anyone else’s tuition.
So then a better question might be whether there is any way Merit could play a role given that the school has shown an interest in my kid. How would we go about that other than the FA route?
After the Open House, we were told that a teacher and the coach wanted to meet us. The school is very selective (on par with many of the top20 us colleges) and I doubt they did that for everyone in the auditorium … before they even started the application. That was not the school’s only Open House, either and there are other possibilities to visit outside of the OH. Nevertheless, the school knew basic info - could have googled the kid and could have also spoken to former classmates or athletes who know my kid.
We got to talk to the right coach, right teacher. It felt like it was an interview in which we were the interviewers. They do not have merit awards but do not see what else they could have done to communicate that they want us. I was initially not going to ask for any award but now I have changed my position. I want to see whether we can leverage merit/desirability and how.
I don’t think you can negotiate athletic merit scholarship with a top boarding school. Some top schools even have an agreement to not to compete for students that way.
I don’t understand your question. First you are wondering if you can get merit, but then you say the school does not offer merit? Did you go through the school’s net price calculator? And, do they offer athletic scholarships?
@Rollout OK then you are saying that if the school says No Merit that is exactly what it means. I have heard stories thru the parent grapevine that may not be the case. Further, I have read on this site that schools often accept applications after their stated Deadline. So, I thought I would ask whether this is may be a gray area, as well.
You won’t be able to “leverage” for an award or scholarship. It just doesn’t work that way without coming off as difficult. The only leverage you will have is to apply to a lot of schools and hope that someone is both interested in your kid and willing to pay. There are many schools talked about here who do have scholarships- I would argue that all are merit in some fashion, but most true scholarships are very specific in nature & are determined by the school during admissions or the scholarships’ trust. Many, many families are in your situation. You sound lucky to have a school already interested in your son- but they won’t make their final decision until all applications are on the table! In the past cc families have talked about how they were wooed by a particular school only to be waitlisted or rejected M10. If you feel like your son could be a candidate for a scholarship- most are listed on the schools websites- than I personally would apply for financial aid. You will have to fill out additional forms, indicate where your finances go ( trips, private tuition, mortgage, car payments, etc…) and most importantly- they will ask how much you are willing to pay. Applying for FA will put your son in a more difficult selection pile but for most schools it’s the only way to be considered for aid. Your sons BFF family might not even qualify for FA. BS might feel like they could “cut back” to afford it. If a school thinks you can afford tuition without FA they will A) accept kid without aid B) accept kid but put him on a FA waitlist or C) waitlist/reject Kid… The cost of schools both boarding and college cause great stress for most families. Like ChoatieMom said- count your blessings that you have options. Your sons BFF family is the least of your worries! Each year there are thousands of great families applying with hopes for financial aid.
“how they were wooed by a particular school only to be waitlisted or rejected M10”
Haha. Memories. One school’s admission contacted me and told that they never seen one like mine. When I visited, head of academics greeted us to personally see my daughter and talk to her before the interview. She connected us to the art teacher and we had a good chat there. The admission officer said mine will be “the star student.” And they coldly rejected her M10. Not even wait-listed.
Another school’s admission director, who assured that she wouldn’t worry about my daughter’s admission, at least wait-listed her.
@copperboom - thank you. There is an informational gap between people such as yourself and those like me who are new to this. Your answer helped me tremendously.
Are you saying that a school must have a specific scholarship trust/committee to even consider offering any form of assistance outside of FA? To link to what a previous poster said, is it correct to say that when a school speaks about No Merit Scholarships they do not have that body so it is entirely a waste of time to attempt a discussion along those lines?
Clearly, parent grapevines are not the best source but that is why I am here to verify such things.
^ this. The process is brutal and not equal.
Be very careful with stories thru the grapevine! These kids are usually very special cases! Usually involving extreme wealth or unique scenarios: August the schools top underwater golf player got injuried and they do not have one on their waitlist- coach must search for one…
@SculptorDad - thank your for sharing those stories. That helped. I can see the schools’ justification. They want to maximize the supply of desirable candidates.
We applied for FA last year. We fall into the make too much money for a straight out scholarship but not enough to write a check category/ or live frankly.
( ug it cut off my message!) it worked out well for us in M10 but M9 was unbearable! No parent wants to disappoint their kid. If I were you, apply to this school- continue to send coach updates but don’t get your heart set on this one school. Some advice- don’t get your heart set on any one school! No merit aid usually means no merit aid. Look for schools with scholarships or larger endowments. Try and find one with his sport or interests. Apply to many schools- your chance for some FA on M10 will be much better! Good luck!