"Senior Salute" and other Boarding School Traditions

I read with great interest all the coverage of the Owen Labrie trial - It was on the front page of the New York Times every day these past few weeks.

One of the more interesting aspects of the trial was the assumption that SPS was somehow at fault for allowing the “senior salute” from becoming a tradition. I think that SPS reputation is irreparably damaged – there will be many daughters who may be discouraged from applying or enrolling in this prestigious school based on the event. Overall, I think the coverage was overly judgmental about boarding schools and SPS in particular.

But how could SPS discourage the tradition or disallow it. On the surface, the tradition could be interpreted as innocent as valentines day traditions where crushes and affections may be revealed without the requirement of unwanted sexual contact. And, since it is not an officially endorsed school sanctioned activity, how can they regulate it.

Are there other traditions at other boarding schools that could possibly be interpreted as encouraging rapists and criminals?

The question of how faculty and administrations can discourage such behavior is something we talk about. It’s a very difficult situation.

I originally wrote a longer response here but I deleted it. I don’t really have any answers.

I think that student policies could be much more specific regarding sex games, “scoring,” and any other written communication that dehumanizes or demeans sexual partners and that health classes need to have a strong emphasis on consent and sexual safety. I know my son’s school covers this some but in the wake of this fiasco it needs to be emphasized more.

There is no school around that does more to educate students about their sexuality, morals, values and respect than SPS. That doesn’t make for a good NYT story, of course. But it is the truth. I have a daughter there and the school has given her more confidence than I could ever imagine. I send her back this week with pride.

Finally…SPS graduates speaking up! Here’s another point of view: http://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/letters/2015/09/07/paul-graduates-want-provide-different-picture-their-school/SoeHaosZ4egadaLiJRj9tN/story.html?event=event25

Do you think the number of applicants will be down this year due to the news coverage?

My guess is any decline due to the negative press would be offset by an increase in applications as a result of the school’s new, more generous financial aid policy. I agree with the statements made by recent grads in their letter to the Boston Globe. It will be interesting to see how things shake out, however.

I think that there will be a paradoxical increase in applications to SPS and other boarding schools as parent news readers recognize the “scholarship” opportunities (aka financial aid) and overall quality of the education. Any potential negative exposure that these schools get is positive because the schools are so good and relatively unknown. The positive attributes of the education far outweigh any negative publicity.

Their applications might go down, but some parents will probably realize that SPS has had to be a lot more proactive about these discussions than other schools - and meanwhile, the same issues and events are present everywhere. People might have trouble dealing with all the questions of the “why would anyone in their right mind send their child there” type, though. I’m sure the parents of incoming students have had a trying time over the last few weeks, sorting through their own reactions and the reactions of their friends and family.

This year, I’d imagine the number of applications may go down. St. Paul’s would have to outline concretely what steps have been taken to address the issue.

If I had to bet on it, I’d say that their applications stay constant or go up. For any number of reasons.

Also, let’s not fool ourselves that this sort of thing couldn’t happen at any BS, even one where they only admit “nice” kids.

I think SPS is likely to see a decrease in applications. This scandal was widely publicized as some school “tradition” nation wide, and that was detrimental and it takes time for people to get it straight or forget about it. Of course, no one knows for sure. What I can say is that even for someone who is very close to boarding schools like me, if I had an 8th grade daughter, I’d be seriously looking at our options and at least without throughly looking into the school culture I wouldn’t make a quick decision.

As for the above poster’s mention of the school that accepts only “nice kids”, was that in reference to Andover? What was that about? If anything, after such an incident shouldn’t all schools be thinking how they can admit only nice kids and keep them nice while still taking care of all the “institutional needs”? And of course if could happen anywhere, but wherever it happens there will be consequences to the kids and families involved and to the school community as well.

A thought exercise. You’re a placement advisor at a pre-prep. Do you even put St. Paul’s on the list? It isn’t as if there aren’t many, many other alternatives, especially for full-pay families.

“This kind of thing,” SevenDad? Nationally broadcast trials are exceptionally rare. All of the students who testified will be associated with “this kind of thing” on the internet for the rest of their lives.

@Peri: Okay, you’ve got me there (regarding the publicity the Labrie trial received). But not so long ago, there were the Hunter Perkins (Groton), and Tatum Bass (Miss Porters) incidents, the former involving the death of a student. The Hunter Perkins “thing” made the new in the NY Tri-state area and the Tatum Bass incident was covered by the NYT and Vanity Fair. I admit that neither amount of coverage is equal to a nationally broadcast trial…but IMO still count for significantly bad PR for the schools involved.

@panpacific: If you are going to call me out, the least you can do is use my screen name, right? I guess you have zero sense of humor when it comes to Andover. It’s that sort of response that makes me wonder why I even contribute to this forum anymore.

Actually, a recently scandalized school just might be the safest place to be… you can bet that there will now be hyper-vigilance on the part of each and every faculty member and administrator.

@cameo43 – Let’s not forget the World According to Garp Principle of “pre-disastered” assets. The next BS scandal will most likely be at a school other than SPS.

I think it’s safe to say that when something happens at one BS it happens to all of them. I can guarantee that during the first week of school the SPS incident was addressed in a direct and responsible way at ALL BSs. I can go back to other BS scandals/incidents that grabbed national headlines or articles in Vanity Fair which in turn were addressed by every single BS head on- either during a school meeting which included everyone ( including the kitchen staff ) or in the Student Handbook.

Cyber- bullying, inappropriate faculty/student relationships, drugs, wild off-campus parties, students making unkind/ inappropriate remarks about their school, fellow students and faculty on social media … on and on. The BS world is small and what happened at SPS was felt everywhere.

I refuse to hold an entire school/ community hostage over one person’s actions. I think that’s ludicrous and completely unfair to all the fine people who had absolutely NOTHING to do with it and were shocked and appalled like everyone else. Do I think SPS will take a hit with fewer applicants? Perhaps. But I’d like to think ( hope ) there are more people out there like me who are willing to see how they handle this and give them a break. I say- Allow SPS to address what happened and recover in peace .

And it’s true… this could’ve happened anywhere. I believe people on the outside tend to forget that but thankfully all the BS Heads don’t and I’m positive SPS feels their support.

@SevenDad: I was not calling YOU out. I was making a comment about one post. I have learned it the hard way that on an Internet board humor is a tricky thing. Something one thinks is funny can be easily read as snark by another. I’d stay away from jokes other than self-ridicule or trivial things like laundry. But I have no problem apologizing for not being a good sport.

On a serious note though, I think that whether a school acknowledges it or not (or in what ways to acknowledge it), they are all looking for nice kids for their boarding community in particular. While the bigger challenge is to keep them nice, a good starting point is to try to not admit not-nice kids. As parents, we all know what a difference it is to try to educate a nice kid and a kid who has already demonstrated aggressive and other types of behavior problems.

SevenDad,

Your contribution and feedback as a parent and writer is invaluable judging by tye comments you posted. And appreciation by other newbie parents.

Pls continue to offer your comments if you see fit.

Thank you.

Newbie Parent