How I really feel...

<p>I did not think that the latest boarding school scandal warranted being on that particular school thread.
Majority of any boarding school or private school media coverage (except for arts & athletics) is not going to be favorable. It is a stain and embarrassment to SPS. What woke me from the CC summer doldrums is this excuse that it’s “tradition”. I’ve heard this lame justification all too often lately, from the nonchalant comment that “freshmen aren’t allowed to walk across the quad” to an all-out assault.
No, it’s not a philosophy passed from class to class and never has been and certainly not what happened at Groton years ago or SPS this year. Although the Groton administration did try to cover it up after claiming it was tradition! At least SPS did not go that far. None of it is tradition, quite the contrary, more like the lack of tradition.</p>

<p>It always starts with:
But I thought …
I didn’t think that ….
I didn’t know that ….
I thought ….
I assumed ….
I wasn’t going to but …
I had bad luck and ….
It’s not my fault that “I”……
And lately – but it’s tradition ….
And countless other excuses that only makes one wonder and shake their head in trying to disseminate what was going through the kid’s head. </p>

<p>For rising Juniors & Seniors, some words of advice; you’re not as smart as you think, you’re not invisible and bad things do happen. Look out for each other which means don’t let your friends do anything stupid! Life gets complicated enough without the unnecessary drama. </p>

<p>In case no one ever told you, when you’re in college, you don’t get just kicked out, you possibly get thrown in jail.</p>

<p>Sorry if I come on a little strong but the stupidity never fails every year that befalls upper class students. </p>

<p>I’m incensed that any girl endure such violence, especially in an environment and institution where parents entrust their sons and daughters. All these schools promote community and family with faculty guidance and support. At SPS something went terribly wrong. The school does get part of the blame. </p>

<p>What I always read in the aftermath are the constituents who point out that, “it could happen anywhere”, “every school has this [issue]”, and “it happens everywhere”. Usually, they are talking about alcohol, drugs, hazing, bullying or the hook-up culture. This alleged rape gives us the opportunity to not turn away and move on, as if this was an extreme and hopefully rare event, but to expose further light on what passes for “normal” and how normal can devolve to the sickening. I recall several public cases of teenage students who have ended up in the same horrific place of a sexual felony. </p>

<p>So, I think it’s valid to point out that schools have different policies printed in black and white, that they have different methods of daily operation, and that there are different emphases in the “message” and the tone that leadership delivers to the parents and students. Bad things do happen at every BS, but these things are not equally as bad, nor equally as evident, or prevalent. There are more and there are less drugs at different schools, more and less alcohol, hazing, and sexual relations.</p>

<p>Prospective and current families can and do have their own internal family dialogue about what the expectations should be for their own student/s. However, it’s folly not to examine beforehand what the climate, or culture, seems to be on campus. Student newspapers can be particularly revealing about the norms in actual practice. There are many other sources for discovering the official line, and the expectations that constitute the school’s “culture”, such as online handbooks and taped talks. </p>

<p>This particular SPS graduate has turned his life upside down. He can “recover”, and in the context of due process, I hope that he does. A fifteen-year-old girl needs support and prayers too, both for the alleged devastating criminal act and for her courage in seeking justice. To think of both their plights is to understand just how necessary it is that boarding schools proactively address sex on campus in as forthright, open and full a manner as any other “normal” concern. Parents can and should be party to this effort. </p>

<p>What incident/tradition at Groton is the OP referring to?</p>

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<p><a href=“Groton School in the Boston Globe - Prep School Admissions - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/1021745-groton-school-in-the-boston-globe-p1.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Ahh, right. This incident was 15 years and 3 Headmasters ago…</p>

<p>Hunter Perkins left Groton in October, 2010, as referenced by post #3.</p>

<p>Zeke Hawkins left Groton in April, 1999, just before his graduation, when the Headmaster was William Polk, who was succeeded by Rick Commons (2003-2013) and Temba Maqubela (2013-2014). Post #4 confuses these separate incidents.</p>

<p>@Jersey386: Pretty sure the SPS incident referred to by the OP is the one that happened last year. </p>

<p><a href=“Assault case has elite St. Paul’s examining school’s culture - The Boston Globe”>Assault case has elite St. Paul’s examining school’s culture - The Boston Globe;

<p>And the Groton incident mentioned in post #2 & 3 happened in 2010 (1 headmaster ago).</p>

<p>More details in the Concord Monitor: <a href=“http://www.concordmonitor.com/community/town-by-town/concord/12893570-95/affidavit-details-alleged-st-pauls-sexual-assault[/url]”>http://www.concordmonitor.com/community/town-by-town/concord/12893570-95/affidavit-details-alleged-st-pauls-sexual-assault&lt;/a&gt;
Charger78, our opinions must differ as to whether the accused can or should “recover” from this, if the facts are as alleged. As he’s not a minor, I suppose it will all go to trial, at which point it’s a matter of public record.</p>

<p>How did “freedom with responsibility” factor into this entire situation, including the competition? </p>

<p>Post 3 is about right with respect to the time element with the Groton incident to which I was referring, but 15 years ago is like yesterday in the parent / adult world. Unfortunately there have been several bad occurrences for both schools recently (and they’re far from being alone) that even I start getting confused but that’s not the point. Charger78 presents it in a more constructive approach. I was and still am angered by the alleged attack.<br>
This business of calling it a tradition troubles me and should distress the school even more. The Headmasters, faculty and especially the seniors set the tone for these schools. I just feel that unless there is a real strong sense of association between the Headmaster, faculty and seniors that then there will always exist a disconnect that sets itself up for the worse case scenarios. I stress the seniors because they are such an important component for all these institutions. The association between faculty, students and the school mission is all easier said than done. It is something that is in perpetual motion which in turn requires faithful monitoring, again, not easy but doable. Few schools can claim a perfect world every school year. The school community is a family and as a family you look out for each other, plus some. I’m sounding redundant, I think you catch my drift.</p>

<p>In my day, if the Headmaster’s door was open, it was fair to say that anyone walking by could get called in or just go in, if for nothing else then to check in and communicate, really communicate. </p>

<p>+111 for @towerchute‌. I couldn’t agree more.</p>

<p>@Periwinkle Almost a year ago, Donny Dickson, a teacher at Peddie, killed himself, probably over an improper sexual relationship that the police came to the school to investigate. Hunter Perkins, a student about eight years younger, killed himself over the accusation and other pressures that he faced. </p>

<p>My reference to “recovery” is meant to convey the hope that this SPS graduate will take responsibility for his actions and come out of the legal process with the conviction that his life is still worth living no matter what the personal consequences. I hope he will make the apology from his heart that is due. (It does seem there are digital messages corroborating the girl’s allegations though the police affidavit, as reported, has him denying guilt.)</p>

<p>St. Paul’s, meanwhile, will hopefully benefit from the courage of the alleged victim in going public. Her case, simply put, leads me to think that girls need school cultures that support their refusal to be pressured into “just kissing” when they really don’t want to. I am so sorry that she went through this trauma once and wish her strength should she have to re-live it in court. </p>

<p>Charger78, there is apparently also physical evidence, attested to by a trained sexual assault nurse examiner. This was allegedly not “just kissing.” If convicted at trial, an apology will not suffice. </p>

<p>I am very glad I’m not a New Hampshire citizen, and thus won’t have to serve on the jury, because as a parent of boarding school students, everything about her side of the story rings true. As a parent, I do think one must ask, what steps does St. Paul’s School take to protect young students from older students? Are dorms locked at night? Do all students check in? Are all students informed about the laws covering sexual contact between students, particularly with minors?</p>

<p>Periwinkle, I think you’re misreading what Charger78 is saying (or at least how I read it). I don’t think Charger78 is saying at all that an apology alone is sufficient. If convicted, the boy will face criminal punishment. It would be nice, though, if in addition to whatever punishment the criminal justice systems metes out, that he also offered a heartfelt apology (or acknowledgment, if you prefer) that his conduct was morally and legally wrong and that he deeply regrets it. And I don’t think Charger78 was minimizing the incident by suggesting that kissing was all that happened. Instead, I think Charger was saying that young girls might feel pressured into going along with an older boy because he’s suggesting “just kissing” and then the situation gets out of hand and he goes further, against her wishes. Schools need to have a culture in place where girls feel empowered to resist any advances they don’t want, whether it’s “just kissing” or more.<br>
And yes, I’m quite certain that St. Paul’s – like every other boarding school – locks their dorms at night (though probably much more to protect students from outsiders, not from older students).</p>