<p>We have been talking with our son & it seems that he is a little stressed right now... mid-terms are over & finals are just around the corner. He's having a "bit" of trouble in one class... but he's not alone... the entire class is failing, minus 5 who passed... he's an engineering major...</p>
<p>Are we alone? Do we "fret" for naught? Our son is very rational & has perceived this "term" as doomsday. Although I do have to say that he has talked to everyone to make sure he is on track... & they are telling him, it's OK!</p>
<p>Such is the life of a plebe during second semester. Believe me he is not alone
and neither are you. I believe that this may well be one of the worst times at KP. The classes are incredibly demanding, they are still plebes and they are
right in the middle of the "Dark Ages." I wish I had better news but it will get tougher before it gets better. At the end of the trimester the "setbacks" and
even some disenrollments will occur and he is likely to have to say goodbye to some people he has grown very attached to. As I have said before my S lost 3 of his best friends in one day. The best advice I can offer is to encourage him to keep focused on "the prize." Recognition will come and "Sea Year" is na amazing experience that is well worth waiting for. All ypu can do now is listen
while he vents and try to offer encouragement where you can. I promise if he can get through plebe year it will get better.</p>
<p>I can't echo KPMarineopsdad's words enough. Keep your kids motivated the best you can via your short phone conversations. Get them to understand to still take one day at a time & to seek help with their problems since you can't be there physically to look them in the eye & say, "Dig yourself out of the hole. Please.". Your words, even tho it may not seem like they are listening, ARE being heard. These are the toughest of days with more to come. Tell them to yank themselves up, maybe go down to the Cookie Cafe, grab a cookie & get back at fighting the good fight. Stuff isn't fair. Classes are the pits. They wake up at o'dark-thirty & get out of class to o' dark-thirty. Good time to send a special boodle box in the mail to break up the dang routine of it all. Enclose gummy bears & a yo -yo. STRESS RELIEF TO THE RESCUE!</p>
<p>I don't know if I have ever met a midshipmen who at one time or another is not stressed. It's tough to fit four years of college into three, so they can sail a year.</p>
<p>I believe that the students who make it develop determination. No matter what, they are rolling up their sleeves and going to succeed.</p>
<p>It's important that parents not give them a way out. Always listen, and encourage them, but never tell them that it's okay that they quit. Tell them rather that they have the brains to be accepted, and they can graduate from KP. So many times they are looking for reassurance from Mom and Dad that you believe in them. They want to know whether you think they can make it. They also want a positive sounding board (an outlet to relieve the pressure, so be a listener don't lecture). Encourage them to turn over every avenue in tutors, going to the teacher and other good students.</p>
<p>A college that comes easy and they are not stretched to their limit is not a college worth going to. They are being stretched to be outstanding in their profession in just a few short years. Kings Point has an excellent reputation, because they make great officers of these young people. Help your son to take the long term view of why he is at KP and the great potential of his future.</p>
<p>When a student graduates from KP, and after sailing for a year, they should all have written on their diplomas that they have learned how to handle stress.</p>
<p>He sounds to me like he is acting just like the rest of the midshipmen in his class. Suggest that he come to Cookie Cafe and I will give him a MOM hug and really encourage him.</p>
<p>RenoMom--I know the class you are talking about and you did not have the opportunity to see your S this past weekend, like us on the east coast. They are stressed, but my understanding about "that class" is that it is being looked into. Our saving grace is that we get to "lay our eyes" on our sons and daughters a little more than you, and all you get is the "Oh, My God" voice over the phone. They are supporting one another and dealing with stress the best way they can, through comraderie and exercise. I don't know your son's specific case, but I would bet it is not much different than all the rest of ours. NY is cold, dark and pretty bleak this time of year, especially on the water. It is icy cold. That certainly doesn't help. Hang in there and make sure he is tellling his mentor about the issues with the class. I told mine to.</p>
<p>you've all said the key words, just listen and offer words of encouragement. they'll probably have an argument for everything you say, i know i did, but they're listening. </p>
<p>a racquetball is the best stress relief i've found</p>
<p>It's not JUST ME!?! whew.
One of the other parents assured me that she hung up on her kid about this time plebe year. It is a DEFINITE possibility. </p>
<p>So, "new lamps for old!" I will make an even trade of one slightly used/majorly abused Plebe . I'll even throw in a highschooler to sweeten the deal.</p>
<p>Sorry, can't handle daughters. That is just WAYYY outta my league!</p>
<p>Kathynp brought up a very good point. This is January in NY. It is very cold, not much chance to get sun and vitamin D. and it's the time that many of us get down and depressed. It will be like that for about two more months, then things begin to brighten. Tie a rope and hang on, be there as a good listener and their vent.</p>
<p>January in NY... sounds like January in PA, where I grew up. I'll just give you a little up-date on the weather in Reno... We have had 8 inches of snow on the ground for the past two weeks... temps not much over 40(daytime) avg. high probably 32(nothing melts & everything is frozen), overcast with a rare sun-break. Woke-up to 2 new inches of snow & it continued to snow all morning for a total of 6 inches! Another storm coming tonight & I can hear it in the wind...</p>
<p>I'm trying to figure out how they call this a desert state!?! We live at an elevation of 5000 feet so we get a little bit more snow than the valley floor. When I talk to our son, he thinks it funny!(yeah he would now, he doesn't have to shovel the drive!)</p>
<p>This boy grew up with doom & gloom as he lived in WA state for 8 years... it's always rainy, overcast & sun-breaks were like a holiday! Ah, but on the good days in WA, they are uncomparable....</p>
<p>It's not the weather for him. It's doing your best (getting the help you need, talking to other mids, studyhall, talking with friends, studying with friends & counselors) & failing... doing everything & still failing... he doesn't get that, that he has done everything & feels prepared for tests & fails...</p>
<p>I'm sure it will all work out the way it is supposed to... but it's not weather related. He's not down or depressed, he's angry at the situation... ( and this isn't a kid that gets angry!)</p>
<p>Tying my rope now & praying that I/we don't hang anybody with it!</p>
<p>We listen & listen & listen... we get other people involved(mail & stuff) & we listen... </p>
<p>Add to that, these are kids who, in the past, have always been successful.
Failure is probably something entirely new to them. They have always been the tutors and mentors and now they may be having difficulty asking for help.
Ask anyway! Seek help from upperclassmen who have already been there.
That is where student activities really pay off, it gives you an opportunity to interact with the other midshipmen. Be respectful and most will be willing to help. Some key advise and an occasional PONY can make all the difference.
Nobody gets through this alone.</p>
<p>RENOMom
We are right there with you, our Son is having trouble in one class and is spending alot of time trying to get through it. But I think it is starting to pull his other courses down a little with all the time spent on the one. I have been trying to pump him up with letters, inspirational emails, treats and a few ass chewings. It is so hard when you can't look them in the eye and talk to them but, I guess that part of growing up. I truly believe he'll be all right, I just wish he didn't sound so depressed.</p>
<p>As always, KPmarineOpsDad shares great insights.
JVCIN, I'm with you. But often I don't know whether to toss in a handkerchief or a hand-grenade.
But... His call. His consequences. Hope he pays attention to to great advice that's been laid out.</p>
<p>RENO and jvc ~ misery loves company. DITTO on all of the above. Our call yesterday was another doom and gloom. But KPMarine hit the nail on the head ~ this is a humbling experience for these guys.</p>
<p>One other thought I wanted to add: I suspect when he hears our voice, it may trigger a level of depression. After all we = freedom, food, sleep, xbox, fun times, etc. I have to believe that he is otherwise, not that down. Some of us are privy to their photos on facebook and we have seen "the other side". But, it is probably a good thing that we can't talk but once a week. If they are doing everything they can, making that effort and going the extra mile, what else can we ask for?</p>
<p>I also hope they know that they are in good company as most are feeling the same way. I know they don't feel that way - as much as we try to tell them.</p>
<p>My DD (3rd class) just recently told me how hard and depressing it was for her last year prior to Recognition. She said this year for her has been great. It's less regimented and they get to go to sea (which she loves).</p>
<p>I know it's hard to hear them complain and tell you about their struggles, but there really is a great support system in place there to help them. It was very hard for me to let go, but she had to learn to take care of things for herself. She did and she's thriving!</p>
<p>Our son flew home for MLK long week-end and brought a classmate. It was so wonderful having them both here. Also made for a short week for them last week. He loved the Red Cross training they were given on Saturday. Learned how to manage an emergency shelter in NY area. He thought that opportunity was "awesome." Then, enjoyed overnight liberty Sat-Sun in NYC with classmates. Today, he reported a great morning of "welding" and looking forward to "personal defense" class. Tomorrow will be his "killer" day of classes. It seems to be all about balancing everything. I'm trying to be better about sending mail, IM's during the winter.</p>
<p>Not that son isn't stressed...he is upset about the lock-up restrictions on their computers-very frustrated AND today he got the highest grade in class on an engineering test-a 68. Something is wrong there. I encouraged him to be pro-active and don't wait until it's too late to do anything. I'm only glad that he has friends, has a chance to come home to visit, go to the city on liberty, shoot basketball, play paintball, do different things like welding, personal defense, Red Cross training... to keep the tough academics and restrictions balanced out.</p>
<p>I've not heard of any lock up restrictions. What my son said was something about the entire network having trouble and they could not update any software or back up anything on their computers.....so....don't know if that's an IT problem or something they implemented.</p>
<p>RichVA- that comp eng teacher problem is apparently being addressed by admin. What I've heard from son about that course is just intolerable. Among other infractions, teacher does not use or even have a syllabus. Random teaching, unapproachable, humiliating, unfair are some of the words I've heard from the plebes that came here during MLK weekend. </p>
<p>But ... we have to take the bad with the good. You've mentioned some of the incredible opportunities the kids are getting. This week, some plebes went to West Point for Aquatic Survival and swam in their state-of-the-art combat swimming pool which in his words "was really
cool - it created its own wake, rain coming from the ceiling, lights
turned out and made the room pitch black, strobe lights created cracks
of lightning, and they had a huge sound system that created gun warfare
and explosive noises...it was intense! The fog machine wasn't working
when we went but they said the pool is only in its first stages of
completion...they are putting in 15 ft platforms to dive from, rope
course that will hang 8 ft above it, and decorating the entire room in
cammo- right now its just a big white room...looks pretty cool!"</p>
<p>Wow - how awesome is that?? KP definitely offers opportunities like no other. Wait til he's home next and all of his college frat buds are telling their same ole, same ole drunk party stories.... his stories will be far better!</p>