<p>I wanted to stop in and say hello and couldn't find our old parent thread easily, and I thought I would also share some bright news and supportive vibes with all while I was haunting the boards!</p>
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<li><p>IT WILL WORK OUT! One year ago my son stopped going to school. We thought we had it worked out with his small private school, but in march they told us they would not let him complete his requirements solely on home study. He squeaked out a GED 2 weeks before he started college. </p></li>
<li><p>THERE IS A SCHOOL FOR YOUR KID We thought no one would want ours -- and he got a great scholarship offers from several terrific schools, which leads me to:</p></li>
<li><p>KEEP AN OPEN MIND. No matter what your "ideal list" is -- push its boundaries in a few directions as you explore and come up with a final application list. We wound up focusing on "small, nurturing liberal arts colleges with solid math and physics departments where S2 would gets lots of personalized attention, be understood and supported and were known for good academics even though not top tier schools." We pushed boundaries through location, added in some tech schools -- and really pushed boundaries by including some LARGE schools where we felt there were special programs or considerations that were attractive.</p></li>
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<p>The point here is YOUR CHILD WILL CHANGE AND GROW during the application year. Also, what is appealing when tagging along with parent on a visit feels different to them when they are considering living there! (Had same experience with S1)</p>
<p>Push your own preconceived notions too. I was totally down on the school he wound up at... but I was imagining the school my brother went to almost 30 years ago, or that I visited closer to 40 years ago (yikes!), not the school it is today (where he wound up.)</p>
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<li> BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT YOUR KID It turns out the distance my kid is from home is a non-issue, but the support he has nearby is critical. Sending him to college in a city we used to live in was a great idea! When he needed to go to the dentist stat we called up our old dentist from 13 years ago, got an appointment right away, called up a friend, and she drove him on over. Now S2 feels comfortable emailing her directly, and did so for the follow up dentist visit. When he texts us that he needs something, I know what stores to send him to -- and he is growing into his independence delightfully.</li>
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<p>Also, when we visited his most highly ranked LAC AFTER acceptance -- I could really see how uncomfortable he was with the atmosphere I found charming and wonderful -- and how much he was going to HATE, HATE, HATE the "writing through the curriculum" -- even hard core math -- component.</p>
<p>4A. TRUST YOURSELF You know your kid better than anyone -- the counselor, the principal or headmaster. The headmaster we had such a fight with (AFTER he saved our kid several times) insisted S2 needed to go to community college or have a gap year before college, or complete certain classes we felt were entirely arbitrary. We believed our kid when he said he was intellectually bored, and was lonely for people more like him who shared his interests. Even our wonderful counselor who specializes in students with special needs kept trying to steer him to schools with IT and web departments because of his math interest. (I don't mean don't listen to advice or input, but assess and analyze it)</p>
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<li><p>MAKE EXPLICIT THAT LEARNING TO BE A COLLEGE STUDENT IS PART OF WHAT THEY ARE LEARNING WHEN THEY GET TO CAMPUS AND DURING FRESHMAN YEAR With this attitude, nothing is a "failure." Prepare them. Nothing should be a cause of worry, just a reason to problem solve. Bad grade on an exam? What is the professor expecting that you didn't "get?" Were you expected to follow the syllabus even though it was never mentioned in class? (you are not asking these questions by the time the student is in college, this is discussion before hand, or IF your student is talking to you from college!) Academically or emotionally, who can you go to for help? How will you know when to ask for help? etc etc etc</p></li>
<li><p>LEAVE THEM ALONE AND DON'T HOVER This can be really hard. As you can see, I have a special needs kid, so I even have an excuse to hover!
I made an appointment with my phone to text him on Fridays -- how did your week go, what are you doing this weekend? -- something along those lines. I tried to let every other interaction be at his initiative, or be based on a real reason to contact him. First quarter went so well for him I backed off even more second quarter.
Of course, this has to be natural for you and your child, personalized. But they can't be doing #5 if you are solving all their problems for them. </p></li>
<li><p>So how did it work out for S2? He wound up at Rochester Institute of Technology, as an Applied Math major, where he is regularly bemoaning that they do not have a pure math major. ("you can transfer." "It's too much work." "When your interest in transferring is greater than your resistance to the work it takes to transfer, then it will be the right time to transfer, otherwise RIT is fine for you.") Their Spectrum Support Program should win some sort of national medal. He doesn't make heavy use of it, but its case management service has been of enormous value, as has his accommodations. After some significant worries, he pulled an A in his required writing seminar (!) and after 2 quarters his GPA is 3.8. some He 3 extracurricular activities, and next year will move from his single to an on campus apartment he negotiated to be in with three friends. </p></li>
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<p>Finally, thank you all to those who supported me last year when it seemed my world was falling apart and he would not graduate or be able to go to college!</p>