2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 1)

Ds is proceeding with all the planning. Getting invitation and save the date samples from a printer. Went to the rental place last week to pick out linen and flatware and whatever.

Cake is marvelous!

@“Youdon’tsay”, remind me, when’s the wedding?

March 2021, fingers crossed!

My daughter was asked to be in a wedding that is set for next August. A box arrived with the ‘thank you for being my bridesmaid’ gift (a metal tumbler) and a letter outlining all the events like the shower (May 15), which airport to fly into, where to get the bridesmaid dress (color picked). Really, quite organized. I think there are close to a million bridesmaids; my daughter met this girl on an internship at Disney and they haven’t been friends for that long.

This bridesmaid thing is getting to be expensive. I think she’ll be able to do the movie “27 Dresses, Part II” soon.

Yep we’re up next. We leave Thursday for S’s wedding in North Carolina. They are getting married in her church which will be lovely, but of course adds additional covid anxiety. But the ceremony will be short with no singing and with just family and a few friends, we can all be spread out as needed. Reception is traditional southern bbq in their backyard under a tent. Friday night we are hosting a family dinner also in the backyard, with a beach theme, to give it a different vibe than the reception. I have had fun working on the decorations and center pieces! Bride is very low key and everything will be more casual than @runnersmom’s exquisite event!! I’m just excited to see them after 8 months and will be very relieved when they make it to the I do’s!!

Safe travels to North Carolina, @Embracethemess ,
Everything sounds lovely! Enjoy your wedding weekend with your son!

I sort of feel like we need to have a “calendar” of wedding (hopefully) coming up!

I have to admit, though I know many things are tentative these days, it’s a pleasure to read about “normal” events. Even if they are done in an atypical way!

@Embracethemess, that sounds wonderful! My H and S1 tried to convince S2 to go more casual but he was bound and determined to wear his new tux! I think BBQ and beach sound great. What kind of decorations and centerpieces did you make?

But mostly I can’t imagine not having seen them in 8 months and I suspect that “first look” will be as special as the other “first look!” Have an easy trip and an amazing weekend.

@“Youdon’tsay”, we’re hoping to have the party on the original March weekend, too. I must admit to thinking I should see if they might consider postponing until next March for a first anniversary party.

@Embracethemess It all sounds wonderful to me. Have an amazing weekend and enjoy every moment you spend together.

Thanks everyone for the well wishes! The beach theme for our Friday night dinner reflects their shared love for being at the beach. The centerpieces are short glass vases filled with sand and topped with blue, green and turquoise glass gems, shells and a small votive candle. The sand is from Ocean City, NJ which is my son’s favorite place on earth. I wanted him to feel like a little bit of home was part of the party!

The weather forecast for Saturday is terrible - 100% rain, heavy thunderstorms, significant rainfall. Taking my cues from @runnersmom and will not stress - whatever happens will make for good stories and if the whole thing is a washout we’ll just celebrate again up here next year with our families!! Now it’s looking like a great thing that the ceremony is in the church!

@Embracethemess the centerpieces sound lovely and so meaningful! I love that you incorporated his favorite place - so much love.

And the weather, well, it will be what it will be but I can tell you that the forecast for last Saturday included rain until late in the week - I wish for your family a beautiful, dry, meaningful day.

@twoinanddone my daughter has three different navy bridesmaids dresses and a navy and white print bridesmaid dress from weddings she’s been in over the past three years. If she ever gets married, we could outfit the entire bridal party!

S and DiL’s 1st anniversary is soon, and at their reception people wrote notes and put them in a jar to be opened on the anniversary. Well, they didn’t get a honeymoon, she had a health scare, and the deferred honeymoon has been crushed by COVID and continued unemployment. DH wrote them a lovely “it’s gonna be okay” letter and taped it to the underside of the lid. We will mail them the jar, and a bunch of decorations we saved from the wedding so they can decorate their apartment. We have peeked at a few notes (the jar was left in our possession) and I think it will be fun for them, even if the year has been more worse than better.

@greenbutton The jar sounds like a lovely idea but you might not want to mention to them that you peeked at a few of the notes. The notes were meant to be personal notes from guests to the couple?

The gals with being a bridesmaid a lot - some may be with having sisters/cousins. Some may be sorority. Niece is having 12 (one close cousin; she has no sisters) - and she has postponed the Oct wedding for a year – they live together and the wedding is an event; it will be in a christian church (Methodist) - in another city so not home church to the couple or their family. I imagine they are funding part of the cost so they have another year to save up.

DD2 had been in one wedding this year and another is in Dec - one was a college room-mate and the other was a very close college friend. Both gals had a planned batchelorette event – the first one earlier in the year had gotten rescheduled, and it turns out to have been more of an evening and also meeting some family. The other is in Oct in another state - and event/weekend where all travel to that site.

The mid-June wedding never had open talks of rescheduling, although if Covid had been heavier in our area before, it may have changed that dramatically. Churches were open by then but with social distancing (taped off pews). It was a wedding place with outdoor wedding site and indoor for reception (bad weather could have moved everything inside). At that time, we had masks for many stores and required for businesses (mandatory masks for city and later for state came much later). There was supposed to be social distancing with reception - but that really didn’t happen - dancing etc.

The closing nursing home to visitors early and of course the masks etc kept facilities ‘clean’ of Covid for a time, and also kept it low if the facility acted quickly with anyone - resident or staff - having Covid. Some nursing homes in our area had no Covid until early July, and although the hospitals had some all along, it was much higher in July and Aug. Following CDC and state requirements, nursing home/rehab require 2 neg Covid tests prior to admission for rehab, and even then they are on Contact/Droplet Isolation for 14 days (so they get disposable food trays etc).

The June wedding cost the bride’s family $40,000 (I know MANY places that would be a very modest wedding based on costs in those areas) with about 125 attendees. DD’s wedding in July 2017 was half of that cost with about 145 attendees (which is the max for the room used) - but had a lot of great cost savings due to DD knowing a lot of key people - florist working out of home but flowers were splendid; caterer - family owned with restaurant and had a wonderful buffet of food, and not having to pay much for reception facility (church hall) - if not a member the Cathedral would have cost over $1000 for use, but DD a member. They did ‘splurge’ on a 22 piece Jazz Band that was excellent and everyone enjoyed it - and that cost was also reasonable (high musician level, but young adults who do it for fun). DD2 (maid of honor) had played in another Jazz Band with the lead tenor sax, and on the final number she played lead alto sax on a great closing number (a number very familiar to her and one lead tenor and her played off each other very well). “In the Mood”. Niece did a small video clip so I have shared it on facebook with folks not at the wedding.

So who pays what and how much nowadays? Is it still expected that the bride’s family will shoulder the majority of the total costs? It’s the other way around in our culture (the groom’s family is expected to pay most if not all of the wedding).

@2018dad the “who pays” question is something the families need to sort out.

We have seen:

  1. Brides family pays for everything.
  2. Grooms family pays for everything.
  3. Brides family pays for the reception and grooms family does rehearsal dinner.
  4. Bride and groom pick up a portion or all of the costs.
  5. Brides family pays for most of reception but grooms family chips in for something...bar, invites, cake, decorations, flowers, whatever they decide as a family.
  6. Grooms family pays for wedding and brides family chips in for something.

And some couples just elope and don’t have a wedding event at all.

As a two-time MOG, I can tell you that for S1 (2017) we were asked to pick up specific, defined costs (after offering whatever assistance bride’s family wanted, of course) and we are splitting the cost of the wedding(s!) for S2 50/50. I created a spreadsheet when that decision was made and we have all kept track of who is spending what. While Covid has transformed their wedding plans (story in this thread), the small ceremony last weekend was split 50/50 in real time and the reception planned now for 3/21 is still working off the spreadsheet and will be reconciled when/if the reception occurs. Both families have already paid for certain things or have deposits out for the wedding that was supposed to happen 3/20.

It is all very individual. When the engagement was announced a few months ago, we just offered a set amount, what we thought we could comfortably give them, and more than enough to handle a rehearsal dinner and should also cover the bar bill for the reception,etc… They can use it for whatever they want but I don’t want any detailed bills .We will give them the funds as it gets closer to the wedding. My sister intends to help as well as she is VERY close to my sons as she never married or had children of her own.

The bride’s family is fairly affluent but according to my son the dad is “frugal” , so have no clue what if anything, he plans to offer.Bride and groom are over 30 and son makes very good money, so they will probably cover costs if dad does not offer much.

All I know is OUR budget and what we will give them. It is not chump change, it is thousands of dollars, so they will have to work with that number in their planning. They have somewhat expensive tastes based on the venue the bride seems drawn to. We are also fairly frugal, so if they want a very high end reception , that will be their responsibility. Hopefully, the dad will help but if he doesn’t , we are still sticking to the budget from us that we have already given them.