@thumper1 I still hope for a collegeconfidential matchmaking service 
I’ll put this here because it’s wedding related.
Last weekend my daughter’s boyfriend’s sister got married. Lol on that explanation! It was as reasonably lavish as they could be for these crazy times. D said that the sister had many photographers present and that the pictures took up a lot of time.
My daughter has been dating her boyfriend for a year and a half. They live together which neither has before. D is 30, boyfriend 31, so not that young. They are very serious and my guess is that they will be engaged within a year.
D commented that she was in no pictures. No pictures with the family, no pictures with the bride. I don’t think even any pictures with her boyfriend. Less than 50 people attended.
My son’s wedding, they took tons of pictures. I have the pictures and we have pictures of everyone who attended. Girlfriends, boyfriends, all kinds of friends and relatives.
I understand that it’s a wedding and everyone gets to do what they want. I wonder what others do with the SO’s of their children. Do you include them? Leave them out in case they don’t marry? Depends?
We took family pictures last thanksgiving for my mil and she insisted that all the SO’s be included. But that’s different than formal wedding pictures.
There were hardly any pictures of DH and I at S1’s wedding reception, and we were the parents of the groom. At least we were in the formal pictures. I think that was the photographer’s mistake, not instructions from B & G.
My niece/goddaughter got married in February. In the formal family portrait, ds1’s live-in gf was not included. They got engaged in April. If they were engaged at the time of the wedding, I think she would have been included. I did make sure that the photographer got a nice pic of the two of them at the reception.
My grandmother never allow a SO in family photos; it was her thing!
If a formal photo, I would say maybe not, or one with and one without. For casual photos, yes, the SO should be included. Not a good way to start by excluding, especially if they do indeed become family.
For our DDs wedding, she didn’t invite any SOs unless they were engaged or living together with a long term relationship. So…no plus ones for some folks.
For family pictures, you had to be a member of the family. No exceptions.
We had lots of candid photos so really everyone was in at least one picture. We did forget to take one family picture…but oops and oh well.
We had family pictures without D2’s BF at D1’s wedding, but we also had pictures with him in it. There were many pictures of D2 & her BF, and there were pictures of D1, D2, the groom and D2’s BF. Frankly the photographers were taking so many pictures, we had every combination and permutation of pictures taken at the wedding.
D1 gave the photographers a list of must have pictures. She did that because at her cousin’s wedding there were no pictures of the parents.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer regarding who is in pictures, but I do think it’s a good idea to get a picture of “just” the “nuclear family” (whatever you want to call it).
I requested a pictures with SO’s at my sons wedding. We had one with just our family and then another with the SOs.
At my wedding, my mother was adamant that no one would be in our family pictures unless they were married. My brother’s GF was not in any pictures. H’s sister was married & her H was in the pictures. SIL is long divorced from that guy & remarried. My brother’s GF has been his wife for 32 years. So when D got married 2 years ago, we invited S’s longtime GF to be in the family pictures. She broke up with him earlier this year. Oh, well. I cropped her out of the family portrait & have that hanging on the wall. IMO, you never know if any couple will stay together, so why leave anyone out.
@2018dad , my SIL is from a culture in which the groom’s family pays for the wedding, as well. He had already prepared his parents for an “American” experience, and they were fine with it. But they asked D and SIL if they could pay for more than just the rehearsal dinner. They asked his parents if they wanted to pay for half the reception, and they were happy to do so. We gave the kids an amount we would pay “up to,” and between what SIL’s parents paid & the things the kids paid for, they came in under budget.
@happy1, you’re up next! And @Embracethemess, I hope it was a wonderful wedding.
We are home from North Carolina and it WAS wonderful! As predicted we did have rain throughout the week-end, at times torrential, but fortunately never any thunderstorms or high winds and it wasn’t much of an issue at all - with the added bonus that we didn’t have to deal with blazing sun and high temps! The rain held off for the “first look” photos and all the pre-ceremony photos in front of the very picturesque rural church; it started to drizzle towards the end but my DIL had ordered clear umbrellas online last week and they actually got some fun shots with those!
Both Friday night rehearsal dinner and the reception were in the bride and groom’s back yard. We had two 10’ x 20’ tents back-to-back which worked out great, plus 2 smaller tents for the bar and food set-up. It got a bit muddy under foot in some places but otherwise we stayed dry and cool! There was no dancing so after dinner we played bingo, which was a perfect socially distanced activity and the kids LOVED it!
I can tell you we are now big fans of the micro-wedding. We had been kind of bummed that it was only 3 of us from our side, plus my S’s 2 groomsmen, and about 25 from the bride’s local family. But in the end we actually appreciated that we got to spend our time getting to know them, rather than entertaining other guests. We live- streamed (to a private wedding Facebook group) both the ceremony, and unexpectedly, the pre-wedding photo shoot which ended up being a hugely fun thing for those watching online, the two groomsmen narrated that part and there was lots of online commenting which they then relayed to the wedding party. It was a ton of fun and everyone did feel really connected, including family members from as far away as Hawaii and London!
All in all it was a great wedding week-end, and ultimately a celebration that was just perfect for them.The only downside is all the work involved in having it at their house, but they enjoyed the hosting and are now decompressing on their mini-moon in the Asheville area!
That sounds perfect! Thanks for the update.
Sounds wonderful @Embracethemess! Congratulations to everyone!
Been reading here for a few weeks and enjoying the happy news from @runnersmom and @Embracethemess
DS2 got engaged in January but everything has seemed so up in the air. But the Save the Dates went out last week, so looks like we are ON for April 2021. Wedding is in upstate NY, which has good covid numbers right now, but who knows?
We’ve been able to do the basics online, but still haven’t been able to meet the bride’s parents. They live in Minnesota, which is currently on NYS’s naughty list. FDIL had to go wedding dress shopping with me and her future sister-in-law instead of her own family–Facetime is great though!
DS1 and DD got married a few years ago, so this SHOULD be easier this time, but…
Very helpful to read about all your experiences and choices.
@Embracethemess, congratulations!! It sounds like a wonderful, intimate, special wedding that will live in memories forever. I’m so glad it turned out to be everything you hoped it could be and your S and DIL were able to embrace the micro wedding! I, too, am a big fan
@Embracethemess Sounds like a fun and heartwarming day! Congratulations!
@happy1, wishing your family much happiness, sunshine, and love for this coming wedding weekend!
We received the first pictures two days after the wedding and the rest early this week. It’s been wonderful to relive such a special evening and to see the love and happiness shared by my S and DIL.
Soon I will deal with the revised contract for the March reception but when I broached the subject with them yesterday it almost seemed like if that never happened they wouldn’t be unhappy. The good thing is that if it is impacted by Covid (venue limits, travel restrictions etc.), the venue has offered a comprehensive cancellation clause that will offer a full refund. So, I guess we go ahead and plan but if it gets cancelled the kids don’t seem like they will really be all that disappointed.
Thanks for your good wishes. H just left to pick up the kids so it is all starting! Future in-laws will be here for dinner tonight and the wedding tomorrow. We are fortunate to have beautiful weather! Can’t believe it is really happening!
As of now the kids (especially my D) very much want what they now call “the big party” next year. Part of it may be that this wedding is very informal – D is wearing a white sundress with flowers and FSIL is wearing a suit with no tie (H wanted to wear a tie but I said he couldn’t out-dress the groom). D’s wedding dress is not in (she told them the wedding would be delayed) and FSIL didn’t buy a tux before covid hit. So I think my D (an avid “Say yes to the dress” watcher for many years) will want her “big white dress moment.” BUT that is a worry for another day and hopefully the world will be in a place next Aug. where that party can safely/comfortably happen.
In the meantime, I intend to fully enjoy today and tomorrow and be grateful my D will soon be married to a wonderful young man.
@runnersmom Glad the photos turned out so well. You created an amazing, magical evening for your son and DIL.
When we went to Plan B (micro-wedding in August instead of full wedding in October) it meant no extended family or friends from our side would be in attendance due to size limitations and travel restrictions/concerns. The plan was that we would host a celebration here in our home state (PA) next summer. I highly doubt now that it will happen; we put so much energy and love into the micro-wedding and it was all so perfect (including family and friends participating through live-stream), I don’t think the bride and groom desire a new round of hoopla so far after the fact. We will still try to have some kind of a get-together with family so they can spend time with our kids, but nothing that requires a lot of planning, formal invitations, special attire or my S and DIL being the center of attention. And it definitely won’t be planned before we know for sure there won’t be any issues around health safety - the last thing the bride and groom and me as MOG want is more event uncertainty!!
We have close friends whose daughter is much like @happy1 's D - she wants the wedding she has always envisioned. She had a small ceremony with a Rent-the-runway short dress and a few attendees in June. They have rescheduled for next July, but I also know she is eager to start a family so who knows if she will ever wear the beautiful wedding dress in her closet.
For these reasons, I’m glad we did the full-on wedding now with the smaller guest list. But no decision made is right or wrong in these difficult times and we just have to embrace the mess!