I admit I was caught off-guard on the appetizers when they came around. Maybe they should have been pre-packaged, with covers, like the meals. Any ideas?
@runnersmom Even in the same part of the country people are handing things differently. A friend of mine in the area had a 90 person wedding and the way they got around the limit was to stagger attendance into two back-to-back groups of under 50 (one with family/parent’s friends and one with kids’ friends). People all had masks, distanced etc. Not at all what my D wanted (we chose not to attend – it was one week before D’s micro-wedding and we all agreed to quarantine for 2 weeks) but she sounded happy with everything.
Everyone needs to handle this in a way they are comfortable with.
Wow @happy1, but yes, I agree - everyone should do what makes them and their guests comfortable.
As for hors d’oeuvres, what we did was have them plattered and placed on a table but each item on the platter was in some sort of individual serving piece - crudités in small take-out boxes with hummus on the bottom, tuna tartare on endive served in individual bamboo boats, and one other that I can’t remember served on bamboo forks placed on individual bamboo plates. Remember though, we’re talking 16 guests - it was easy to do and people were respectful about walking up to the table, taking their fill, and walking away so someone else could partake. Not sure I would have had a problem with masked and gloved servers offering the apps from the platter but we chose not to do so.
We need an appetizer solution, too. In our case, something for the guests who won’t be staying for the sit-down. The to-go idea might do it. Our time interval between vows and sitting down is short, anyway.
I’d like to give the leaving guests a small slice of cake in a nice box. D1 can’t wrap her head around this, thinks it would come from the wedding cake itself. I can’t seem to convince her they make a small side cake for this. So she wants to go with fancy cookies.
^^^ We did baklava for our boxed to-go treats back in the day.
My brother’s friend was to get married earlier this week. It was a destination wedding so everyone was traveling, which kept the numbers really low. They were all set to go…to Oregon. The fires caused the couple to cancel. I know my brother went to Vegas, but I’m not sure if the wedding took place there.
I have no kids ready to get married yet, but I’m curious about this.
If the bride and groom are vegetarian, but most/all guests are not, would you expect a vegetarian only meal or would you expect meat options?
I believe you want to please your guests, but at least one person I spoke with said it’s a celebration of the couple, and if they are vegetarians then people should be happy with a vegetarian meal.
We had three entree choices plus a vegetarian choice. We felt it was not our place to insist that the guests eat what the bride or groom had to eat. One is gluten free and dairy free, but our meals were not all gluten and dairy free.
I would suggest you have a variety of choices for your guests. We had a fish, beef, chicken and vegetarian choice so all could be accommodated.
Note…we had a few guests who would not have been able to eat a fully vegetarian meal as they have diets that don’t allow for things like any kind of bean, or any kind of uncooked greens (e.g. salads).
So…if you have only a vegetarian choice, you may find that some guests can’t eat that.
We’ll have a choice of chicken or pasta as the mains. The pasta was chosen with the vegetarians in mind. I think sometimes we don’t realize how much of what we all eat isn’t meat. Pasta dishes, salad, veggies, some sort of crostini. I don’t know what else D1 will choose, but it’s a good caterer. She says, once folks are seated, appetizers and some sides will be served family style, so guests can choose.
But with only around 20 total for the meal, we have fewer special tastes to manage.
Btw, she nixed the idea of anything take-home besides the elaborate cookies. And there’s some question about serving champagne after the vows, before the departing guests leave. She says the caterer said they can’t, per covid policy. Only with the seated meal. (Family, attendants, and a couple of plus-1s.)
I guess, when I look back on weddings I’ve attended, if we were only invited to the vows, there were no appetizers or bubbly passed, after. It just seems that ours being so small and a short service, it would be gracious to offer a little more. ??
@1214mom I think the answer is “it depends.” It depends on if the wedding couple feels being vegetarian is a personal choice or if they think it is “wrong” to eat meat/fish. It also depends on the venue – a larger catering establishment would be able to offer a number of choices while a small, home-based wedding would likely have more limited options. FWIW the weddings I went to where the couple was vegetarian did offer non-vegetarian options. And while we eat meat and fish my D’s large wedding (fingers crossed we can do it next summer) will offer a vegetarian option.
Agree with @happy1 on all accounts. However, to me, even if the couple feels eating meat/fish is “wrong”, I would still argue that being a host is about your guests. If the budget and venue allow, I’d offer broader choices. Should my S and DIL’s reception actually happen next March, we will be offering meat, fish, and vegetarian options, with consideration for GF guests, as well.
Thanks everyone - sounds like we are all in agreement on this one. I will share your opinions with my son. (His GF agrees with me. But my son said that’s really the only thing he had an opinion on, and he’s already been over-ruled). They are not even engaged, btw, and won’t be for at least many months, but they talk about these things.
I think people should serve whatever they want at their weddings. I have a friend who keeps Kosher and served only fish because she wanted dairy with the dessert. I’ve been to weddings of vegetarians and honestly didn’t notice the lack of meat dishes.
It is one meal. There are delicious vegetarian meals, there are pretty bad rubber chicken dinners too. Serve what you want, just make sure it is tasty.
My son, husband, and MOH are all celiac. DIL said from the first moment that all the food would be gluten free, that she was not going to worry about kissing him, or anybody else contaminating their food, etc…, and that they always had to eat some alternative thing and by God, for once in their life they would eat everything that was there without a worry. The brunch was also entirely gf but it was at our house, where that has always been the rule.
We’ve been to lots of weddings, and I can only think of two where there was a single thing they could safely eat. The kindest thing to do is call up the guests with medically required diets, and tell them your plans, and ask what you can do. They may prefer to bring their own food, which you will need to clear with catering (anaphylaxis or vomiting as an outcome usually makes caterers agree to that) .
The way I would look at it is if a couple are meat eaters they would most likely offer vegetarian options, so why wouldn’t a vegetarian couple also offer meat/fish options. When I have a party it is about everyone having a good time.
My DIL has been a vegetarian since age 11, so wedding and rehearsal dinner followed that path. I chose A pizza place for rehearsal dinner, and the couple Picked the menu. Chicago pizza, several pasta dishes, salads, appetizers, And great desserts.
They got along quite well with the chef at the wedding venue. He had elevated vegetarian dishes. This was a buffet, with 2 stations, so many choices. All I heard were compliments. No wedding cake but choices of desserts. My fav was the blueberry cobbler.
Future DIL is pescatarian but is fine with everyone eating meat.
So, new Plan B. Well, I mean, still here, but FDIL’s mom expanded her Airbnb search and has found a place that looks great. We didn’t understand why all the big places we saw only allowed 16 people. Well, it’s an Airbnb thing. But this venue is technically four listings (the main house, casita, etc.) so we could have 64 people, which sounds perfect to me, assuming it’s safe to have that size of a gathering in six months. It’s kind of a ranch, and photos of the outside spaces are gorgeous. It sleeps 14, which would perfectly fit FDIL’s whole family.
Turns out it’s ds who is the holdout. He really wants the big wedding to happen. I’m glad FDIL is being more realistic.
@“Youdon’tsay”, it’s my S who wants the big wedding, too! DIL really wanted a small wedding and he acquiesced to the small summer ceremony but is still holding out hope for the big party in March. Me, I doubt it will happen but our new contract with the venue will provide for a full refund if cancelled due to Covid restrictions so I’m okay with holding out hope, for now.
@“Youdon’tsay” @runnersmom My D is not yet engaged, but has a very serious bf and D is thrilled with the smaller weddings she is seeing during Covid. She does not like to be the center of attention and has always said she would love a small wedding. Her bf is an extrovert with lots of friends and he is the one who would like the big party!
My D and her fiance found a place willing to sign a contract for a small reception in May 2020 in Boston within easy walking distance of their ceremony venue. It is a restaurant with a rooftop deck and private dining area (current max capacity under Covid rules: 24 with distanced tables). If restrictions ease, then the reception venue capacity can go up to 48 for a seated dinner. The food and wine at this place are excellent and I think they will be very happy with it.
We’re going wedding dress shopping on Friday. It will be a “micro-wedding” (new buzzword) but very nice, I think. I have to say that no bridesmaids/groomsmen, no musicians, etc. makes life a lot easier. It will be family and a few choice friends.