Question to the collective CC hive. How much would you tip “stage hands” in this situation? The venue is owned by the person who says she will be “day of.” She will have 3-4 helpers she employs for the event. If we tip 20% of the venue fee, it will amount to close to $100/hr for these folks. I have a feeling I will be doing the majority of the personalized setup anyway. We will be tipping the bartender, the caterer, and the musician the customary 20% because their charges are reasonable, but I’m reluctant to base my tipping of the owner’s helpers off that crazy venue rental fee which includes tables, chairs, and dance floor rental. Your thoughts?
You might want to tip by how much work they do. If they are setting up for 2 hours and cleaning up for 3 hours, $100 might not be too much. If they work an hour and then sit down? Use your judgment.
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Thanks! Do you mean $500 per person in that situation? ($100 per hour per person mentioned in my post). Or do you mean $100 per person ($20/hr which would be reasonable IMO).
I thought you meant $100 total as the tip but NOT $100/hr per person. That would be crazy as you are paying the venue, and they get paid by the venue.
I personally think tipping is out of control. The person is making $20/hr plus doubling that as a tip? For me, no. I’d probably look at the whole picture and go for $20/person for the whole day. I’m cheap. As long as they are getting a full wage, which you are paying to the venue, that’s enough. Wait staff, are usually expecting the 20% tip. Bartender may have a tip jar out but if you request they don’t, then the 20%.
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Agree about watch how much they do - and at most extra money, no more than $100 each.
Yes way out of control on vendors and all the wedding stuff.
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Thank you! 
Yes, it sounds crazy to tip based on the venue fee, but one friend insisted that was the norm. Uhhhm, I did not think that was. Should I tip Cort if I rent tables from them and not from the venue? No. Thanks for confirming this.
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No experience with this tipping because big kid rented a city owned hall for her wedding, and our helpers were her friends. The caterer (a local culinary school) got their 20%, but that’s it as far as tipping went in that situation.
Oh I will definitely tell the bartender to remove the jar! The venue owner said it was “customary.” I think it is insulting (for me!) for my guests to pay anything at the party we are throwing. So I told the owner that the guy will get his tip from me.
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I had a tip guide from some site, but double checked with our day of planner and asked her outright. Btw, she was responsible for giving out tips and payments to vendors - we had it all in envelopes ahead of time. A brief look at The Knot guide says set up people $10 each. We didn’t tip the florist or their assistants that decorated the venue.
Main tips we did were for band and then for hair and makeup people.
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Thanks! I too though tipping more than $100 a person for setup folks employed by the venue owner would be outrageous. The friend who insisted on 20% of the venue fee split between the setup crew apparently had a 20% “service fee” added to their $20k venue fee… yikes and lol.
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The wedding we attended Sunday had one bridesmaid out due to Covid positive. One of the groomsmen’s wife was exact same size dress so she took her place in the wedding party.
All 3 weddings we attended the last 3 weekends were marvelous - all quite different, but happy couples who we believe will stay married ‘till death due us part’.
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Checking back in about son’s wedding on May 14. Original Covid very small wedding was October 2020 and all family saw it only on Zoom. Only a few of their local friends were there for that wedding, before vaccines and all present were masked This one was wonderful and felt like a first wedding. So glad they got what they were hoping for -family, many more friends this time , dad walking his daughter down the aisle, father/daughter and mother/son dances this time, etc. Weather held out so they could have the ceremony outside (almost had to move it indoors). Wonderful, and so happy we could be a major part of our son’s wedding this time. They are very happy and our daughter in law is lovely. They just got back today from their honeymoon to Spain. Very thankful and happy they had a wedding full of fun (great band and nonstop dancing) and joy!
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I’m so glad it all worked out and you felt included in the end. What song did you mother/Don dance to?
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Mother/son
All You Need Is Love- The Beatles. The crowd went wild! Lots of cheering and lots of folks came out on the dance floor for the last couple of minutes of it. It was fun.
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Great choice.
We will be definitely using another Beatles’ song for the parents’ dance - When I’m 64
For dad/daughter dance, dad is thinking either a named song or ABBA’s Slipping through my fingers. I’m sure kid will veto both of these choices! 
Curious- what other posters used for their special dances?
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Father/daughter dance was “The Way You Look Tonight.” Frank Sinatra. It was lovely.
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Father Daughter dance was to My Girl. A classic.
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Mother/son dance – Forever and Ever Amen, a family favorite.
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Our kids had one combined father/daughter mother/son dance. They went “classic” and used What A Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong).
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