@BunsenBurner , The bride’s dad for his daughter and me for my son chose the songs. Luckily, neither song was vetoed. I asked if they had other ideas but they liked my idea so we settled on that. Sometimes, the kids might prefer to pick so maybe just run the finalists by them or see if they have ideas .
My kids vetoed the special dances. They had no cake but several desserts, including a warm blueberry crumble. They would not have put cake on the others face. DIL wore a knee length dress. Efetarian buffet in a brewery. It was totally them.
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First wedding had cup cakes - I believe they wanted to avoid the ‘plating charge’ for cake. 2nd wedding was more trim budget and no cake but other dessert options - bride excluded parents a lot but included her mother in law a lot, but it was done at the groom’s home town location and bride also got her dress at that location too (out of state bride’s parents didn’t know what the food was until the rehearsal dinner when they asked) - bride/groom were on a very tight schedule as wedding was a week after their UG graduation and a week before one was to begin graduate school. Only 3rd wedding had a cake - elegant 4 tier and delicious. All 3 weddings had speeches, some traditional dances, and lots of dancing into the evening. Our DD/SIL had the wedding where DD has lived for many years, and we handed over money; I did go dress shopping once with DD - and helped her with the money transfer (Italian designer/dress purchase). DD bounced a few ideas off of me, I knew the color of groom’s mom’s dress (navy) and DD was good with mine (teal). DD and I were totally fine with DD’s wedding - they got the wedding they planned and wanted. My big duty was hosting in-laws (debilitated) for days before and after wedding dates along with BIL/GF - lots of work before and after the wedding; I even had to send DH out to buy a dress shirt when his dad forgot to pack one. DH’s brother had chores with transportation of his parents, but he also had no meal and accommodation hands on responsibilities, and he had time after the wedding in the wedding city when DH/I did not. We all had to make sacrifices. The grandparents were even more debilitated the next year with another grandson’s wedding - but I was totally out of that mix.
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I’m sad that I have no parties to plan in the future. I had so little to do with the wedding. Even though it was held in the brides home town, I chose the hotel and venue for the rehearsal dinner (100+ guests), all online and with phone calls. I put my energy into goody bags. I also did an engagement party at my house.
My mom was with me for arrangements for my son’s Bar Mitzvah. We had kosher, chocolate laptops as gifts, and CD holder with date of ceremony. Table settings were son’s favorite Nintendo figures ( this was many years ago). I remember drawing BD invitations for parties, e.g as Halloween one, and having them printed. I still like to draw my own cards.
All I can do now is offer help to friends.
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My son and I danced to You’ll Be in My Heart from Tarzan; my husband and daughter danced to Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder.
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D & my H danced to Tom Petty’s Wildflowers.
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Our daughter also chose Wildflowers for her F-D dance.
It’s fun to hear about couples having more choices for their events; the warmer weather seems to have helped widen options here.
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What are people’s opinions on the importance of a professional videographer. Is it worth the extra money above and beyond the regular cost of a professional photographer? I remember one wedding we attended where the videographer seemed overly intrusive and in my opionion disrupted the ceremony/reception.
I happen to not like videographers (didn’t have one at my wedding or D’s wedding) BUT as with many things it comes down to personal preference. I enjoy looking at still photos/albums but I do have a couple of friends who say they are glad they have wedding videos. Live and let live!
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If you have family members who can’t attend in person, having a quality video for them to watch would be very important, IMO. Otherwise, I would not have a videographer.
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That’s a good point. I expect that all close family members will be able to attend. My inclination (which I think the bride and groom share) is not to plan on a videographer unless something unexpected develops in the interim.
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I have a client that does a nice job making wedding videos. They run $600-$1000. She will include preparation activities before the wedding, the ceremony, and reception clips. In 1996 we just had a friend stand in back with a camcorder. We don’t have any desire to watch it. It’s one thing I might suggest to my girls that they could save money by skipping.
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We didn’t do a video…and it’s the one thing I wish we had done.
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My two nieces both had videography (2021 and 2022 weddings) - and I imagine they paid what @bjscheel stated – and they were able to post on their Facebook page later. It was not of the ceremony itself (but some of it in aisle or kiss, one wedding was in a church and the other was outdoor). Almost like a small movie with preparation items/activities and at the end including some of the dancing.
We had a small camera and two volunteers video DD’s 2017 wedding (in the balcony of the cathedral, full Catholic wedding). They haven’t viewed it, but I imagine their children will like to see when the time comes (I imagine eventually putting it on a DVD).
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S & I danced to Bing Crosby’s “Counting My Blessings” . I sang it to him at night when he was undergoing treatment/hospitalized/recovering as a kid. I wanted to dance to Baby Mine from Dumbo but he said nobody needs to watch you cry buckets and he was right.
They did a video, but it failed to capture the one really memorable moment! . It was just an informal capture, not some Hollywood production. DS is in the field and had students who needed experience and a bit of cash. They were very unobtrusive and the church rules are no photogs or video moving during the ceremony, so they were not in anyone’s line of sight
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So the planning is really going to get started here. The kids went with her parents to Cabo to look at the venue the parents thought would be nice. Everyone finally decided to veto it. They listened to my concerns about August and hurricanes and to her grandparents desire to not go out of the country. So yesterday future daughter-in-law drove with her dad to Colorado to check out two venues they found they liked. One was booked while they were driving there on their date! Luckily the other was her first choice and she and her Dad loved it and my son and I loved the videos she sent. So last night they were looking through the contract and I hope they sign it today so we know the basics. I know it is still going to be a very small wedding. They wanted 25 but I think it might grow to 35 or 40 now that it is in the states. No word yet on that. So we have a year and 2 months to plan
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Covid and skyrocketing travel prices are going to affect the number of guests who can make it to the kid’s wedding. I’m actually happy that we will be having a smaller party. The kids invited 85, but they will be lucky if 50 attend. RSVPs are due early July.
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Our S still doesn’t have date nor venue. I found a venue which doesn’t yet have its 2023 calendar which doesn’t require any commitment nor deposit yet. It has great food and lots of availability.
Our daughter is still banking on 50, unless Covid comes calling.
Flowers are ordered. She kept saying she’d grow them, but with March weather in June, I’ll be happy to have the deck planters and beds in the yard with some color. We may still end up at the nursery the day before buying plants.
H is busy on the back deck repair/enhancement/extension. So far, so good. FSIL will be over this week to work on the extension with him.
#2D is baking away. The cake samples she’s turned out are wonderful.
I’d rather it be somewhere else, but given the scarcity of venues and vendors and the risks (still!) of Covid cancelations, the home party really is the best thing.
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I’m going to be the florist for the wedding. Haha! Wish me luck. The florist that the venue works with would charge $2,000 for a set of modest bouquets and a few strings of greenery on the tables. Kid’s eyes became big as saucers! 
I watched some YouTube videos on assembly of centerpieces. This is not rocket science! We have plenty of salal and ivy on the side of the house where all of it needs to be removed, and Costco and farmers’ markets usually have good flowers… I played with the green stuff and some flowers the other weekend, and we agreed it looked decent enough. I recommended ordering bouquets from a local to us florist, but the rest I will take care of easily.
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